Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
((((((hug)))))

Can you order a takeout Thanksgiving dinner from some local restaurant? I don't blame you for not wanting to go to your ex's - that's TOO MUCH! In fact I really applaud you for being such a saint all these years, I know it's what has been best for your daughter but I'm not sure I could have done what you've done.

I'm glad they're retesting you. Many people don't understand that the test can be negative if taken too early. I'm waiting on my son's roommate's test results today. The roommate has been totally in denial about the likelihood that he has covid, even though he was exposed 9 days ago to someone whose brother was diagnosed last week after they met. First he thought he couldn't have it because he just had sinus symptoms, then thought because he was vomiting it couldn't be Covid because "Covid doesn't cause GI symptoms"! I sure wish people would read more medical facts about this virus. We have known about GI effects since the first reports out of China.

Do you have HBO? If so, check out the new series The Undoing with Nicole Kidman and Hugh Grant - great mystery.

Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I would just rather spend the holiday all by myself with a box of stovetop stuffing and a bottle of wine. I have to keep this boundary because keeping it allows me to be able to be as friendly and forgiving as I am now. I will become resentful and upset if I spend the holiday with them, I know it.

So this is where I stand right now. Certainly not where I want to be at all, but it’s where I am.

Thanks for the positive vibes. I really need them
Stovetop stuffing is my go-to. I cook up sausage meat and mix that in. One of the things my ex-wife did that I kept because it is delish.

Careful of the ex-H - from the outside it does look like he's trying to draw you more and more into his orbit. You're pretty vulnerable these days.

((Ginger))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
My dad said no to thanksgiving. I am heartbroken inside. I was reading your thread and I know people find it selfish to miss one thanksgiving with their family and we shouldn’t risk anyone’s health. But for me, it is kind of a big deal because for my daughters whole life, I only got half of the thanksgivings. And I have to give her up for me not to have one. I don’t get to spend it at home with my immediately family. It’s just me. I was looking forward to having Kane family around and enjoying the day. I’m already in an awful depressive hole and I feel like this just put me at the bottom. It feels so cruel. And to know I am here alone and they get to be one big happy family gathering on thanksgiving twists the knife even more. I of course don’t want to put anyone at risk. But I wish I would have gotten it and gotten it over with since it’s pretty much messed everything up .

In 14 years of being alone alone, I don’t think I have ever felt it as much as I do now. I know it’s been a lonely year for everyone, but when you have had so many lonely years before, this one just kind of highlights how alone you really are.

Needless to say, I’m not going to my ex’s he understood. And no matter how low I get, I will never be vulnerable enough for him to make any sort of move on me ever. It’s not his desire anyways. It’s just that having his ex wife in his good graces is the icing on the cake of his life. He gets to have it all. No resistance from anywhere. He’s happy enough with that.

Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
Has your second test result come back?

Joined: May 2019
Posts: 352
Likes: 11
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 352
Likes: 11
Originally Posted by Ginger1
My dad said no to thanksgiving. I am heartbroken inside. I was reading your thread and I know people find it selfish to miss one thanksgiving with their family and we shouldn’t risk anyone’s health. But for me, it is kind of a big deal because for my daughters whole life, I only got half of the thanksgivings. And I have to give her up for me not to have one. I don’t get to spend it at home with my immediately family. It’s just me. I was looking forward to having Kane family around and enjoying the day. I’m already in an awful depressive hole and I feel like this just put me at the bottom. It feels so cruel. And to know I am here alone and they get to be one big happy family gathering on thanksgiving twists the knife even more. I of course don’t want to put anyone at risk.


Sorry to hear, Ginger. I can understand why this is depressing. Why not plan a family dinner later and get everyone together at a later date just as you would have over Thanksgiving? That's what really matters and not whether you get to celebrate it on the specific date?

As hard as it may be, look at all the positives in your life. Sometimes it is just perspective. There is a story that intends to encourage people to look at problems in the right perspective.

Man rants to pregnant wife for 10 minutes about how depressed he is because he hates his job, the stock market crashed and 401k is down, their car broke down and they have to increase their credit card debt for repairs etc etc

Pregnant wife: I need to tell you something. I had an affair and I am sorry to tell you the baby is not yours.

Man: Wow, just when I thought things could not get any worse! You drop a bomb like this and that ruins my life and makes all those other problems seem insignificant

Wife: I was lying about the affair but don't all those problems seem insignificant now?


I know things are hard now and it is difficult to deal with these emotions. But hang in there, things will get better. ((Hugs))

Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
^^^ thank you. I’m afraid I can’t see the Forrest through the trees right now. My blessing is I’m alive.

But my pain runs so deep right now it’s barely tolerable. I’m sure it will get better and numb a bit, but right now, barely tolerable.

Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
I’m making it through there day. The long nap really helped. It’s lonely, tears come and go. I FaceTimed with my daughter. I wished ex’s wife a happy birthday. I made myself lamb chops for dinner. Redoing thanksgiving is not an option. I am already doing Christmas on an alternative date. And I am having surgery next Thursday. So I’ll have to call this one a wash.

My phone decided to be cruel today and it pulls a picture out of camera roll everyday as a memory. It was one of me and M. Then I was looking through IF envying everyone’s thanksgiving and there was M’s son eating a turkey leg. His brother and I are still IG friends. He looks so much older now! I really did love that kid. I loved having “family”. Sad it needed up the way it did. I’ll never forget him though. He was such a sweet boy. M’s mom was such a mom. Not something I’ve really ever known. She loved me, I loved her. I can’t do anything about it. I enjoyed a year of it and I’ll keep my memories.

My dad wanted me to FaceTime everyone at his house. I declined . Watching others celebrate while I’m here alone wasn’t going to be good for me. I’m sure they are not happy about it, but it’s what I need for me.

Hopefully I’ll fall asleep by 8 and tomorrow is another day.

Happy thanksgiving all

Last edited by job; 11/27/20 12:31 AM. Reason: Removed daughter's name
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 2,174
Likes: 46
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 2,174
Likes: 46
(((Ginger))). You will get through this. Tomorrow is always another day. I know what you mean about old pictures resurfacing and bringing up memories. Facebook does it all the time and it’s always photos I took when XH and I were together. I try to focus on the good feelings I had when I was there and not on the reality that our family is no longer together. Nice that you still have a connection to M’s brother so you can see pictures of his son now and then and know that he is okay. (((HUGS)))

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,368
Likes: 7
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,368
Likes: 7
Hey my friend. I am going to call you soon, but, wanted to reach out tonight while I have a few minutes to write.

Holidays are hard, aren't they? Even in the best of times, they bring a whole host of emotions with them. For me, the loss of my parents is still hard. I also have all those memories of the horrible holidays of my childhood. They stay with you. Throw in the craziness of 2020 and it could really mess with your head.

I know you are struggling a great deal. I also know the holidays are particularly difficult for you and that you are feeling alone. I will not list all the positive things you have in your life. I know you know them.

That would somehow negate in some ways the feelings you are having. The truth of it is, you wish you had someone. Someone to share your life with. I know you feel it is a need, but, truthfully, it is what you want. And I get it. I truly do.

I think they we can get so mired down in our wants that we go into a kind of spiral. Nothing looks or feels right. Throw in some medical issues, covid, work, finances and teenage angst and it's no wonder you are depressed.

Here's the thing. At least for now, and during these times, you cant meet anyone. That's the reality of it.

So, what do you do? One of the things is the realization that you wont always feel this way...the way you do at this moment. Because life changes, things change, people change, situations change. Thats just life. The knowledge of that can help to move you forward. Your life wont always look like this.

I know several people who were 100% sure they would never, ever meet anyone for the rest of their lives..they werent with anyone for years. 2 were in their late 50s, one in her early 60s. And then they did.

I know a few people whose health were in a downward spiral, and were sure they would never be healthy...who are now.

I know one person who was in a dead end job for years and years, who was sure he would never own a home or find a job in his field...who now has both.

And little G will not always be a teenager who pushes your buttons.

Nothing ever stays the same...life is always in motion.

The trick to survive is to accept what is for now with the knowledge that it wont always be this way. With the understanding that you are strong and wonderful and you will survive it all.

And that one day, your life will be as it is meant to be.

So you can feel sorry for yourself for a little while. You can take some time to be angry and sad.

But then, it is time to regroup. Time to dig in. Time to remember what you have been through and survived and what you are made of.

Get to gettin....or I will take a trip to see you and help you.....just sayin smile

Love you, sweetie. You got this.

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,368
Likes: 7
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,368
Likes: 7
Ok, I do not like you talking like that. At all...in any way.

First of all, why do you have to have someone stay for the night? I understand someone having to take you home, but, I dont understand why the night. I had major surgery and didnt need to have someone.

Second of all, do you want me to see if I can take off from work and come and take you home and stay? I mean it. I will. Just let me know.

G, you are not better off dead. I know your life seems to su@K right now but it will not always. I promise you that.

Things could change in a second.

Now tell me what you need, and I will do everything I can to help you.

Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard