Scout, may I offer a different perspective? This doesn't turn on whether it was right or wrong for him to have asked or whether it is your responsibility. I personally would rather be the one to transport my child 1/2 hour by car than rely on unnamed others, arranged by a flaky ex-husband to do so. While I know you have lots and lots of time with S2, as the parent of one child in college and another soon to be, I can tell you that the times we spent in the car driving places were some of the best times we spent talking, laughing, singing, playing I spy, you name it. Forget about your Ex. Always, in every case, do what is best for S2. Let that be your driving force and the consideration that dictates your actions.
I totally second that. Every single part of it. And add to that that nothing that you do is going to teach your H or his family to see things rightly. Just be the light to your kid.
His Scout. After reading this, IMHO, I agree that being the light to your kid is the thing to do. I may have felt differently before, and it may not be what was planned, but for your kid, just roll with it. How lucky that your kido has family to spend time with. How lucky are the family that you are cooperative and understanding. At least you still get those hours for yourself and they are precious. (My alone time is when I sleep alone, daycare or nanny when I work. There's no dad and no family. Friends always offer to help if I need a break, so I've got that... never used it, only in emergencies.)
((( hugs ))) from one single mom to another. I don't know how s mom's with more than one do it! ((hugs to them too))
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
I politely but firmly replied that I am not able to drop him off, but any one of their family members (MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL) is welcome to pick him up earlier than the scheduled time if that helps with their plans. There is no question whether he’ll attend the party, it’s just the pickup time that hasn’t been organised on their part.
I’m apprehensive to see or speak with X-MIL. I’ll just treat her like I’d treat a checkout chick. Hi, bye etc. I recently cleaned out a cupboard and found a scrapbook left behind by X, containing all the cards he received at his birth and his first birthday. Should I give it to her when I see her? X clearly didn’t care for it, but she might.
My L emailed through my divorce certificate yesterday, must have been thirty days after the hearing. I smiled when I saw it. My wedding dress is still hanging in my wardrobe, what should I do with that thing? It would be a waste to burn it. I always intended to sell it but it would probably be better to donate to St Vinnie’s.
The sun is setting right now and it’s still very warm at 7pm. I grilled sticky chilli and mango chicken burgers for dinner, and took S2 on his bike to the park. Chatted with a few different neighbours on the way home then chased S2 around the yard with the hose. We’re having a wonderful summer. Time is flying by way too quickly.
Good job politely informing X’s family members; they are welcome to pick up S2 early. Treating XMIL kindly, as a checkout chick , is a good plan.
The scrapbook of X’s birth and first year, along with other mementos, was left behind. There probably will come a day when X would be happy to have it back. True, there’s no need for you to be his storage locker. Yet, if you have the room, and a spare cardboard box, you could pack those kind of things up and put them away. In some future time, X may ask if you have it, or son may like to look at stuff from his Dad’s birth. Giving it all to XMIL is also a good option.
My XW left everything in her hurried exodus. She’s never asked for any of it back. Treasures and gifts from her children you’d think would garner some desire for re-acquirement, but no, not yet anyways. Maybe never. Those boxes are stored away; I’ve got lots of room. And really who else would that stuff go to? Her parents threw her away when she was young.
Your wedding dress and your treasures. Give it some time, like a full year after the divorce, before you decide. It’s perfectly ok to store the stuff away and decide later.
XW’s wedding dress (and left behind clothes) did eventually find its way to the dump. Burning it, I felt, was a better symbolic idea. However, the events of getting the dress to the dump, the rain, mud, tripping hazard , and it’s final resting position splayed upon the garbage pile, all mud covered and rain soaked, turned out to be perfectly symbolic of a marriage thrown away.
Today I awoke to seasonable temperatures of -20C. Brrrrr. Your summer sounds wonderful. I can barely imagine chasing someone outside with the hose right now. Lol.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
. I recently cleaned out a cupboard and found a scrapbook left behind by X, containing all the cards he received at his birth and his first birthday. Should I give it to her when I see her? X clearly didn’t care for it, but she might.
Definitely give it to her! It gets clutter out of your house, it has meaning to her, and your ex is not likely to take care of it at present. It will also make you look like the good guy, which doesn't hurt your standing with the family. This is a good thing as you will have to deal with them on some level for the next 20 years.
As for the wedding dress - donate it. It will turn a negative into a positive force in someone else's life.
However, the events of getting the dress to the dump, the rain, mud, tripping hazard smile , and it’s final resting position splayed upon the garbage pile, all mud covered and rain soaked, turned out to be perfectly symbolic of a marriage thrown away.
That was a hilarious story. Made me smile to remember it!
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It will also make you look like the good guy, which doesn't hurt your standing with the family. This is a good thing as you will have to deal with them on some level for the next 20 years.
That's a good point. It might curry a tiny bit of favour with her.
I'm having some work done to fix my patio and need to borrow a small sum of money. I have no other debt so it was approved immediately. The bank valued my house almost $20k higher than it was in May last year when I refinanced!
The real estate market really is crazy right now. Remote work is being made permanent in a lot of white collar industries and people are leaving the overpriced cities in droves. Rental availability is next to zero in desirable areas and locals are being priced out. Many southerners are moving north to our subtropical state that has something like 300 sunny days a year. Though I was worried about affordability at first, it was definitely the right decision to keep the house in the divorce.
I wonder about X's financial situation. A credit card bill addressed to him came to my house a few weeks ago (we didn't have CCs when we were together). He has the balloon payment on his car loan due in Nov - around $25k. He bought a jetski, expensive mountain bike, and imported car parts as soon as he received the settlement money last year. He pays $750/month child support. And now a month-long trip out of state. I hope he doesn't get himself into a mess.
I suggest you arrange your life such that you can live without his child support money. He sounds so financially and mentally unstable as to be a poor bet for consistent payment in the future. That's rotten, but better to be prepared and have it not happen, than not prepared and have him drag you down with him.
You're doing great btw. It's a lot to recover from that kind of dysfunctional relationship and be a mum all on your own but you are killing it!
Thanks kml. Eventually I’ll arrange for child support to be collected by the state to avoid him defaulting on payment.
Today, I received another email about the birthday party saying “my family kindly asks that you pick up S2 if you can’t drop him off because the party goes all day.” Really, a three year old’s party goes from 8am to 5pm? Whether unfair or not, our current agreement is that X is responsible for both pickup and dropoff on Sundays and that, I believe, should be the bottom line.
But to throw a spanner in the works, X said that FIL would be the one picking up S2. I’m not super comfortable with that because I don’t think S2 would go willingly with him. I would rather drive him myself than force him to go upset. On the other hand, if I was the one to drop him off, I don’t feel certain that S2 would be comfortable with me leaving him alone at SIL’s place either. He has been crying when I drop him at daycare this week. I would crawl over broken glass to prevent him feeling alone and abandoned. I just hate that they’ve engineered this situation, it feels very unfair and insensitive to me, but I think it would be best for S2 if I just handle it all myself. Guess I’ll just have to sit with this anger for a bit.
I am hopping mad, like wake up in the middle of the night hopping mad. And here’s why. Over my dead body will I allow anyone to make an innocent two year old little boy feel like a hassle or a burden. Over. My. Dead. Body. I would drive a thousand hours to prevent that from happening so I’ll cancel my plans and drop him off/pick him up myself next Sunday. Thank you for witnessing this journey in real time. Hopefully now I can sleep.
, is a good plan.