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Originally Posted by LH19
[Dummy didn’t strap on a love glove.


He was "in the moment".

I guess I don't have a monopoly on sanctimony.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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That’s not sanctimonious that’s just common sense.

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Originally Posted by LH19
That’s not sanctimonious that’s just common sense.


Ah, so sex is alright....if it is done LH's way. Got it! grin


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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So you don’t see the difference in your very loose moral codes and a man wearing a condom or ensuring birth control when he doesn’t want a baby?

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KitCat,

Originally Posted by KitCat-1month-ago
As for things getting back to my H - trust me. There isn't any way. We know no one who knows us both - period. I know its a freak unique thing but we are living completely separate lives with no interconnection.


Originally Posted by KitCat-today
By this AM the truth came out... the timeshare sent my vaca itineraries to him rather than me as he is the listed primary owner...


A month ago you insisted this wouldn't lead to casual sex and your husband wouldn't find out, lol!

These things follow predictable patterns. I don't have any moral qualms about your choices. I'm glad you're having a good time. Do consider the next step is usually replacing your co-dependence on your ex-husband with a co-dependence on the first guy/gal with a bit of chemistry. The more you can stand on your own feet before seeking a partner, the more likely you are to find and choose a good one for your life.

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Originally Posted by CWarrior
KitCat,

Originally Posted by KitCat-1month-ago
As for things getting back to my H - trust me. There isn't any way. We know no one who knows us both - period. I know its a freak unique thing but we are living completely separate lives with no interconnection.


Originally Posted by KitCat-today
By this AM the truth came out... the timeshare sent my vaca itineraries to him rather than me as he is the listed primary owner...


A month ago you insisted this wouldn't lead to casual sex and your husband wouldn't find out, lol!

These things follow predictable patterns. I don't have any moral qualms about your choices. I'm glad you're having a good time. Do consider the next step is usually replacing your co-dependence on your ex-husband with a co-dependence on the first guy/gal with a bit of chemistry. The more you can stand on your own feet before seeking a partner, the more likely you are to find and choose a good one for your life.



Okay - I will admit that we lead completely separate lives in 2 different towns. We have NO mutual friends. We have no shared children and our children are out of the house.

It was a complete freak thing that my vaca/travel plans were sent to him rather than me because I made sure it was my address and we co-own the timeshare. So he knows I'm traveling and to where/when but it does not list who I'm traveling with... even if it did its just S19.

H will not find out I'm out with new people - we live an hour apart.

You're right. I didn't think this would lead to casual sex... I will admit I was wrong on that part. Frankly, I think its a good thing. Its not revenge sex. I'm not doing it because my H had OW. I'm doing as a means to continue to break ties to my H... my loyalty is something he will regret losing one day. I've been employed at the same place for 30yr... good times/bad times... I'm a loyal person. I stayed at this job because I knew when it was good how good it could be but there were years where it was a total shitshow. I approached my M the same way. I think this helped me close the door which is what everyone... esp STEVE85 has been wanting me to do.

I'm looking to do ME for awhile.

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Originally Posted by LH19
So you don’t see the difference in your very loose moral codes and a man wearing a condom or ensuring birth control when he doesn’t want a baby?


We'll agree to disagree.


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Originally Posted by KitCat

You're right. I didn't think this would lead to casual sex... I will admit I was wrong on that part. Frankly, I think its a good thing. Its not revenge sex. I'm not doing it because my H had OW. I'm doing as a means to continue to break ties to my H... my loyalty is something he will regret losing one day. I've been employed at the same place for 30yr... good times/bad times... I'm a loyal person. I stayed at this job because I knew when it was good how good it could be but there were years where it was a total shitshow. I approached my M the same way. I think this helped me close the door which is what everyone... esp STEVE85 has been wanting me to do.

I'm looking to do ME for awhile.


I just can't help but think this is another case of you being told that something isn't the best idea given where you are emotionally, and you ignoring all the advice and doing it anyway and then coming back here and explaining and justifying your behavior as something good and healthy. Please listen KC, casual sex is not the answer to your problems! It is not you "breaking ties" with your H!!! It's masking underlying pain with a temporary dopamine rush. That dopamine rush will wear off at some point and guess what will still be there, all that underlying pain. Like so many of us keep saying, you've got to deal with that pain FIRST, THEN pursue a new relationship.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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I realize my choices are not for everyone and maybe not the best. I accept the broken parts of me and know in the scheme of things the sun keeps rising in the east.

Yesterday totally blew.... H kept texting. Asking if I had an extra charger for my drill because he is missing the one for his nail gun. Uhm... we sorted out all those things 6mo ago. He insists it in the toolbox but he took his toolbox. I went out and bought new one a few weeks later to put my stuff in.

First it was stuff about the timeshare... now a battery charger??? He moved his stuff from our home to storage to his home and was helping friends remodel. That charger could be anywhere but its not here. Buy a new one???

I did not respond.

He is still with OW. She can buy him one for Xmas.

I had to hire electrician to replace a couple of ceiling fans and a light. Not used to that. H always did all that stuff.

Today I realized I have a headlight out... frown So I'm googling how to fix that. I will be seeing H tomorrow for the puppy's appt and I know if I asked him to do it he would... BUT I AM NOT ASKING HIM.

I got this.... smile

Last edited by KitCat; 11/18/20 01:50 PM.
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I did good!!!!

I wasn't really sweating or anxious at all today. In the past I would have had a little anxiousness but today... nah... IDK if that's because it was in my office and in my office I got my sh*t together for sure. I'm good at what I do. :-)

H came in for his apt with our puppy who just turned a year old.

OMG it was soooo awesome to see this guy (last time was June I think). He is soooo handsome and just a gorgeous athlete. But, he LOVES his daddy.

So the first half of the apt was me asking questions about the puppy.. exam of the puppy and I had H help with that rather than have the staff come in.

Of course there was small talk - I do that with everyone but obviously we know each other. We chatted about SS20 who is dealing some issues post deployment and not coming home for Xmas. Since H had already gotten my timeshare travel itineraries I just went ahead and stated well we'll be out there for Xmas so we will make sure to see him and get him out to do something. That we were staying outside of Seattle. H asked "are you sure you want to be in Seattle right now?" Wow, concern?? Nope, probably small talk. Mentioned that my plan was to get SS20 to come with us on a turboprop to Rainier and Helens and H stated I should do the helicopter instead... (he knows I'm terrified of heights and flying and I sent him on the helicopter tour with SS20 because I did not feel comfortable... he is still trying to push my comfort zone... which is one of the things I love about him and have told him so --BUT not today)

Anyway talked about his hunting lately. That he just bought a forge... another new hobby for this new life he is living and loving. Not surprised at all. He is just passionate about this stuff... I accepted this about him but in his narrative I did not.

I just smiled and validated.

The staff giggled because they took turns walking by the exam room which has window and I was in the "power" position. He was seated and I was standing in a very commanding way they stated. YUP, that made me giggle.

Anyway eventually I just walked to the exam room door and walked out with him to the lobby while still chatting about his brother and then told him to have a good day.

There was tons of eye contact. He clearly had just gotten out of bed prior to apt. He never smiled. Not even when he told stories about the puppy. He never laughed. I did catch him briefly checking me out in my scrubs (I wore my most sexy pair today!) but it was extremely brief.

He did not ask about me. He did not ask about my son. He has already told me he likes to play... but I couldn't play so he found someone he likes to play with.

I will not go down the rabbit hole.

Nothing here folks but a woman doing her job and doing it well --- that puppy's healthy!

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