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A Message from Michele
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Re: Misadventures of CWarrior, Part IX [Re: CWarrior] #2912868
01/17/21 02:21 AM
01/17/21 02:21 AM
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 444
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97Hope Offline
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97Hope  Offline
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Ok. I said it, and I do - but I wouldn't take him back either! LOL

You successfully became AMOAFWL. She's realized it now. I hope newcomers read your sitch from beginning to end! This is a success story if I've ever read one!

I'm glad you are where you are. Because you seem awesome and also - because selfishly it gives me hope!

Chump lady calls it "meh" - Appears you are there. I'm truly happy for you.

Re: Misadventures of CWarrior, Part IX [Re: CWarrior] #2913292
01/23/21 03:58 AM
01/23/21 03:58 AM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,250
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CWarrior Offline OP
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CWarrior  Offline OP
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Posts: 2,250
Update--

Wednesday was BD #3--a few of you called it. I'm no longer a full success. wink

I'll skip the recap of my long, sordid tale.. and even the juicy events of the night we broke-up. Except to say she kicked me out by saying "THEN LEAVE", and when I left "YOU ABANDONED ME" so she was breaking-up. Few breakups make sense in isolation, and few of us are entirely angelic nor demonic.

+ Today was good, but there were definite reflective moments where I ached or felt lonely.

+ I spent more time talking to co-workers. Interacting with people and focusing on the present helps.

+ My house felt so still, until I turned to Spotify! Music feeds the ears and soul.

+ My built-in mantras come from my inner-critic. I've learned to change those mantras for athletics. It turns out I don't climb mountains as well when I tell myself "You're going to die." Similarly, I decided "I hate this!" and "I'm unloved." weren't working. My new mantra from Kristin Neff: "This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need."

+ No Ginger, I didn't download Tinder yet. >:-]


May'19 - Separation... Dec'19 - Breakup #1... Oct'20 - Breakup #2.... Jan'21 - Breakup #3
"We are never, ever, ever getting back together." -- T.Swift
Re: Misadventures of CWarrior, Part IX [Re: CWarrior] #2913297
01/23/21 05:35 AM
01/23/21 05:35 AM
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 306
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OnlyBent Offline
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OnlyBent  Offline
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Posts: 306
Really sorry to hear this CW, hope you’re doing ok. I caught up on your whole sitch and know that you’ve come far enough to deal with this and still be ok. Stay strong mate.


Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"If you don't create a beautiful future, your brain will do one for you and it's not good"
Re: Misadventures of CWarrior, Part IX [Re: CWarrior] #2913299
01/23/21 05:41 AM
01/23/21 05:41 AM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,250
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CWarrior Offline OP
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CWarrior  Offline OP
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Thank you, OnlyBent. I will be okay, even if I wish life had buttons like "Fast Forward" and "Rewind". wink


May'19 - Separation... Dec'19 - Breakup #1... Oct'20 - Breakup #2.... Jan'21 - Breakup #3
"We are never, ever, ever getting back together." -- T.Swift
Re: Misadventures of CWarrior, Part IX [Re: CWarrior] #2913300
01/23/21 05:58 AM
01/23/21 05:58 AM
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 306
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OnlyBent Offline
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OnlyBent  Offline
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As awful a movie as it is, “Click” with Adam Sandler should be compulsory watching for anyone with a family.


Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"If you don't create a beautiful future, your brain will do one for you and it's not good"
Re: Misadventures of CWarrior, Part IX [Re: CWarrior] #2913302
01/23/21 11:06 AM
01/23/21 11:06 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 37
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dunnm Offline
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Posts: 37
(((CWarrior)))

Don't want to speak to soon but this relationship had car crash written all over it.

You are skilled in GAL, get to it.

There are better things out there for you.

You deserve better.

Re: Misadventures of CWarrior, Part IX [Re: CWarrior] #2913306
01/23/21 01:29 PM
01/23/21 01:29 PM
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 444
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97Hope Offline
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97Hope  Offline
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CWar - you are still a success. You are not clinging to a R that doesn't work for you. You are focusing on what matters in life. You are taking control of your thought life. You are using all the tools to navigate this new path.

Anyone that tells you "just leave" and then accuses you of abandonment doesn't sound like they have good coping mechanisms. Also the disrespect by her D and her response to that during movie night was kind of telling.

Not bashing her, just saying that from this vantage point it seems as if there is better out there for you and your sweet family. I think you will get there sooner rather than later.

I am sorry for your pain. Stay strong! (((((Warrior)))))

Re: Misadventures of CWarrior, Part IX [Re: CWarrior] #2913309
01/23/21 02:31 PM
01/23/21 02:31 PM
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,687
Colorado
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Thornton Offline
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Colorado
Sorry to hear the latest update, CW.

I went through 3 BD’s with my ex as well before I finally let go.

You give great advice here and you know what to do going forward.

Hang in there man, we’re here for you.

Re: Misadventures of CWarrior, Part IX [Re: CWarrior] #2913310
01/23/21 02:39 PM
01/23/21 02:39 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,655
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KitCat Offline
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NO ONE CAN FAULT YOU FOR NOT GIVING IT YOUR ALL....

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

That said I think you can really look at your second break up and go "what was I thinking??? trying to make this work". There were all kinds of red flags there.

In any case it would be nice to see more effort and understanding from those we share long term relationships with.

Of course its a day at a time... but she will be back round of that I have no doubt so you need to stick to your guns CW. You have learned some very valuable skills that will rock with the right person.

Re: Misadventures of CWarrior, Part IX [Re: CWarrior] #2913352
01/24/21 06:19 AM
01/24/21 06:19 AM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,250
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CWarrior Offline OP
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CWarrior  Offline OP
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Posts: 2,250
@KitCat - Yeah, I don't give up on people easily! I figured you'd say I told you so, but I feel your compassion, too. For a stronger NC with the intent of staying single, I'll probably block her texts and social media like Steve85 tells us to. Okay, he says get off social media, but not going that far!

@Thorton - Thanks! If BD3 was enough for you, I have hopes I won't be here for BD7 wink

@97Hope - Thank you for saying that! I know I've grown--I don't try to control others, I know how to validate, my attachment style is no longer as anxious.. and if I can cope with someone who has particularly challenging moods due to a neurological disease, I should be able to cope with most partners' moods.. when I go on dating sites.. which won't be before we're vaccinated for COVID.

@Dumm - Yep, C-R-A-S-H! GAL, onwards, and upwards.

@OnlyBent - Alright, "Click" is going onto my queue for a kid or kid-free night soon.

---

Day 4 - It's late and my heart ached for 20 minutes as I dwelled on why anyone would break-up with me when even my ex's call me loyal and sweet and adventurous. Enough rumination.

A "breakup coach" (cheap therapy) rejected me today. "She just meant to tap me, but she lacks depth perception, so they became accidental punches." and "It was just an $85 plant. It mostly bothered me because she snuck into my backyard and took it without permission, but she apologized." When you tell your story to another human being, sometimes you realize how crazy it sounds. No charge, she just wants me to see a real professional. My actual IC (previously our MC) will be available later this week.

It wasn't the most productive day, but I had fun, learned how to do a COVID haircut, and did some chores.



May'19 - Separation... Dec'19 - Breakup #1... Oct'20 - Breakup #2.... Jan'21 - Breakup #3
"We are never, ever, ever getting back together." -- T.Swift
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