A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Save your marriage singlehandedly with Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching
SPECIAL MARCH OFFER -- SAVE $40
THREE DIVORCE BUSTING TELEPHONE COACHING SESSION FOR ONLY $350
CALL 303-444-7004 and mention this offer or use code: SAVE_$40 in the Divorce Busting Store
Wednesday was BD #3--a few of you called it. I'm no longer a full success.
I'll skip the recap of my long, sordid tale.. and even the juicy events of the night we broke-up. Except to say she kicked me out by saying "THEN LEAVE", and when I left "YOU ABANDONED ME" so she was breaking-up. Few breakups make sense in isolation, and few of us are entirely angelic nor demonic.
+ Today was good, but there were definite reflective moments where I ached or felt lonely.
+ I spent more time talking to co-workers. Interacting with people and focusing on the present helps.
+ My house felt so still, until I turned to Spotify! Music feeds the ears and soul.
+ My built-in mantras come from my inner-critic. I've learned to change those mantras for athletics. It turns out I don't climb mountains as well when I tell myself "You're going to die." Similarly, I decided "I hate this!" and "I'm unloved." weren't working. My new mantra from Kristin Neff: "This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need."
CWar - you are still a success. You are not clinging to a R that doesn't work for you. You are focusing on what matters in life. You are taking control of your thought life. You are using all the tools to navigate this new path.
Anyone that tells you "just leave" and then accuses you of abandonment doesn't sound like they have good coping mechanisms. Also the disrespect by her D and her response to that during movie night was kind of telling.
Not bashing her, just saying that from this vantage point it seems as if there is better out there for you and your sweet family. I think you will get there sooner rather than later.
I am sorry for your pain. Stay strong! (((((Warrior)))))
NO ONE CAN FAULT YOU FOR NOT GIVING IT YOUR ALL....
That said I think you can really look at your second break up and go "what was I thinking??? trying to make this work". There were all kinds of red flags there.
In any case it would be nice to see more effort and understanding from those we share long term relationships with.
Of course its a day at a time... but she will be back round of that I have no doubt so you need to stick to your guns CW. You have learned some very valuable skills that will rock with the right person.
@KitCat - Yeah, I don't give up on people easily! I figured you'd say I told you so, but I feel your compassion, too. For a stronger NC with the intent of staying single, I'll probably block her texts and social media like Steve85 tells us to. Okay, he says get off social media, but not going that far!
@Thorton - Thanks! If BD3 was enough for you, I have hopes I won't be here for BD7
@97Hope - Thank you for saying that! I know I've grown--I don't try to control others, I know how to validate, my attachment style is no longer as anxious.. and if I can cope with someone who has particularly challenging moods due to a neurological disease, I should be able to cope with most partners' moods.. when I go on dating sites.. which won't be before we're vaccinated for COVID.
@Dumm - Yep, C-R-A-S-H! GAL, onwards, and upwards.
@OnlyBent - Alright, "Click" is going onto my queue for a kid or kid-free night soon.
Day 4 - It's late and my heart ached for 20 minutes as I dwelled on why anyone would break-up with me when even my ex's call me loyal and sweet and adventurous. Enough rumination.
A "breakup coach" (cheap therapy) rejected me today. "She just meant to tap me, but she lacks depth perception, so they became accidental punches." and "It was just an $85 plant. It mostly bothered me because she snuck into my backyard and took it without permission, but she apologized." When you tell your story to another human being, sometimes you realize how crazy it sounds. No charge, she just wants me to see a real professional. My actual IC (previously our MC) will be available later this week.
It wasn't the most productive day, but I had fun, learned how to do a COVID haircut, and did some chores.