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A Message from Michele
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Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909109
11/23/20 10:23 AM
11/23/20 10:23 AM
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Ginger1 Offline
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She tells you she chooses OM, then sends a heart emoji!

And you thought she was going to stop manipulating you?!?

She’s sick in the head and really gets off on playing with your emotional state.

Your best bet is to work on the core issues. Why you allow her to manipulate you, why you want her back, and what you can do to protect yourself from her sick games .

Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909110
11/23/20 10:44 AM
11/23/20 10:44 AM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 78
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Kind18 Offline
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Kind18  Offline
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What Ginger said!

She’s a manipulative witch.

Don’t walk away from her Steve. RUN!!!

Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909112
11/23/20 11:45 AM
11/23/20 11:45 AM
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Posts: 264
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MrBrside Offline
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Originally Posted by Steve_
Just sent her photos of the kids I took them up to them the mountains to a cabin she loves. Wanted to let her know I took em out of town without having to talk. So far so good.


why do you need to let her know anything ? Seriously ? She chose OM and is a manipulator - pure and simple..

So you wanted to show her you took the kids out of town..

You do things with your children for them and you - they become your focus - not to wave a "look at me" flag to a WW...

Focus on you and the children for the sake of you and the children - not to start showing WW what a great dad you are, or what she is missing - because she will not care !


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909113
11/23/20 11:52 AM
11/23/20 11:52 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,487
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Ginger1 Offline
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Well, mr B- if you see he mentioned they went up to her favorite cabin......

He wanted her to see that’s where they were to get a reaction.

Stop the game playing and the manipulation on both ends. It’s going to keep you guys in this very toxic pattern you have

Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909124
11/23/20 02:43 PM
11/23/20 02:43 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,199
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Steve85 Offline
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Steve85  Offline
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SMH. "Sent her pictures of the kids in the mountains."

WHY?

Steve you just cannot DB fully can you?


M(51), W(52),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909126
11/23/20 02:53 PM
11/23/20 02:53 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,047
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CWarrior Online
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Hey Steve_,

Originally Posted by Steve_
Just sent her photos of the kids I took them up to them the mountains to a cabin she loves. Wanted to let her know I took em out of town without having to talk. So far so good.

Steve, you said pushing her to say "I chose OM" is what you needed to let go and DB (NC, GAL, Detach). She was generous enough to oblige. It's only a day later and you've already texted her. Texting her photos of your vacation at a place she loves seems far off the path to DB, detachment, or moving on with your life. When might I text photos unprompted? Major milestones--first steps, first words, promotion, or graduation. My ex-wife and I get along well enough that she asked me last week to rekindle our relationship.

Mumin's guidelines are pretty good--

Originally Posted by The Word Of Mumin
If she specifically asks for something, MAYBE send one.
If she asks cause shes lonely, dont send.
If a child accomplished something that you caught on camera, send one.
If the child asks you to send a photo of something to mommy, ALWAYS send.

I know Steve85 doesn't like SocialMedia, but if you felt a desire for *someone*, *anyone* to know you went on vacation it could be a good place. Just be sure you unfriend your ex and unfollow anyone in common so you don't "inadvertently" happen upon pics of her embracing her bf on a happy vacation. I enjoy that SocialMedia is a quick and easy way to create a photo album of all my adventures to look back at. To me, it's the modern form of that amazing paper photo album or journal I just never have time to put together! Plus, it instantly shares with family, the few people who can handle endless streams of "My baby ate his first cupcake!" or "Look, he's wearing his first tank top!" or "Look, he counted to 4!"


May'19 - Girlfriend of 2yrs left. Aug'19 - We became a "broken" couple (I needed validation, she screamed). Dec'19 - We gave up and went NC. Mar'20 - I've changed and she's eager for MC and us again.
Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909244
11/24/20 04:37 PM
11/24/20 04:37 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,047
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CWarrior Online
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Hi Steve_, hang in there. Have you managed to stay silent since the photo? The first few days of No Contact can be especially challenging. After a couple of weeks, it gets easier.


May'19 - Girlfriend of 2yrs left. Aug'19 - We became a "broken" couple (I needed validation, she screamed). Dec'19 - We gave up and went NC. Mar'20 - I've changed and she's eager for MC and us again.
Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909247
11/24/20 05:27 PM
11/24/20 05:27 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 340
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Steve_ Offline OP
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Steve_  Offline OP
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She did end up messaging me saying “I lost weight, your not the only one getting beautiful”

A shouldn’t have but a conversation fired up. At some point I asked her “why did you tell me all that stuff?”
She said “because you were messing with my head and emotions”
She then said “why can’t you just say F you and hate me? I betrayed you and you still want me dude? Wtf, just hate me!”

I said “I can’t do that, why don’t you just tell me you don’t love me and your not coming back, why don’t you hate me?”
She said “I can’t do that”
So I said “well what do we do?”
She said “I can’t just leave him, I do care about him, he has never even come close to hurting me, he takes care of me, never tells me no, and his kids would rather be with me than their own mom, I can’t just F his life up and his kids life up now”
I said “but you could do that to me and our kids? Your over there fixing his life and his family, not your life and your family, you got trapped”
“She made some some comments and I did as well, I told her that “it’s not to late to walk away now it’ll just get worse and I was still willing to forgive her and let it go.”
She said “I’m sorry I can’t do this please don’t message me about anything besides the kids”
I said “ok I’m sorry, please do the same for me as well”
“She responded ok”

And that was that. Not a word since yesterday. I kept kinda needing closure, and she wasn’t giving it to me. She would never say she is done and not coming back or admit she loves him or anything she still won’t. But at least I got an answer why she can’t leave and she asked me to not talk to her besides the kids which is good because she knows she can’t do that now either if she wants to hold her own word. What a mess, this will take me years to heal from I can see that now. Just like LH said. I kept getting sucked right back in. Until I pushed so hard, apologized so much, begged her that she just couldn’t take it. I never did that the whole damn time we been seperate this 3 months. I guess I had to feel the need to try to save it or something. To make her feel loved and that I don’t hate her even though I could and probably should. It hurts pretty bad it came to this but I do feel good she doesn’t get that excuse to continue with him that I’m some mean ahole. I went down bad, swinging and fighting. But I see there is zero reason to continue. She won’t leave because he is so good to her and never hurt her and blah blah blah. Good luck with that lasting forever. She’s in fantasy land and I can’t compete with that. I won’t post anymore about her saying this or that or whatever. I’ll post every couple of days to let you know how NC is going. I’m glad she asked for it, made it easier. And no I won’t date, I don’t post anything on social media, I’m going dark. Besides scheduling kids. I’ll let you know how that goes.

To help I made a list last night of all the pain she has caused me whenever I feel sad or lonely or want to talk to her I look at that list. It helps a lot.

Last edited by Steve_; 11/24/20 05:31 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1
She moved out 10/15/20 (sort of)
OM "a friend" confirmed 10/27/20
OM gone 01/20/2021.
She doesnt want to Recon "yet"
Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909248
11/24/20 05:34 PM
11/24/20 05:34 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,199
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Steve85 Offline
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"I kept kinda needing closure"

You've said this and variations of it multiple times now.

Look Steve_ you are either LRT or you're not. LRT is not something you say you are doing, it is something you do.

Remember, do not answer her phone calls. If it is an emergency she will leave a message or follow up with a text. If the text is informational only (like “I lost weight, your not the only one getting beautiful”), DO NOT RESPOND. If it is a direct question, then respond in as few words as possible but NOT right away. Remember, you are busy GAL. WHen you do eventually respond then answer in as few words as necessary. Yes or no questions get yes or no answers.

Last point, and this is not a question I am looking for an answer to, just a few questions for you to pose to yourself and ruminate on: In the exchange above, what grade would you give yourself from a DBing standpoint? Did this exchange help your sitch or hurt it? Are you further ahead having this exchange, or further behind?

Again, no need to answer here because I don't think you would answer honestly. But maybe quietly, introspectively to yourself you will be.


M(51), W(52),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909250
11/24/20 05:42 PM
11/24/20 05:42 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 340
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Steve_ Offline OP
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Steve_  Offline OP
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Posts: 340
I do want to answer that. It’s an F.
I pushed her and she can’t even talk to me anymore. Defiantly further behind. She put up a boundary because I wouldn’t. She was stronger than me. I failed. I recognized it the second she said that. She has said it before like a month ago and here we are again. I can’t do it again. If I haven’t just destroyed everything with this if it happens again it will. I know that. The only thing I can do is give her space, let her have the divorce she wanted and just keep my mouth shut. I wanted answers, I got the answers I wanted. No need to do anymore. Thanks for your advice Steve I will follow it to a T this time. What I do doesn’t work. She won’t ever give me closure, she won’t ever admit she was wrong and forgiving her/ guilting her just makes her mad. This was incredibly stupid of me. I will not do that again. I really disappointed myself. So yeah I’ll just stick to posting when I hit landmarks in Actual LRT/NC from now on.

Last edited by Steve_; 11/24/20 05:45 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1
She moved out 10/15/20 (sort of)
OM "a friend" confirmed 10/27/20
OM gone 01/20/2021.
She doesnt want to Recon "yet"
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11

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