A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly
with Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching
SPECIAL JANUARY OFFER -- SAVE $60
THREE DIVORCE BUSTING TELEPHONE COACHING SESSION FOR ONLY $330

CALL 303-444-7004 or use code: SAVE_$60 in the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11
Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909060
11/22/20 03:06 PM
11/22/20 03:06 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 474
M
Mumin Offline
Member
Mumin  Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 474
Iím glad she gave you a response and especially glad she chose him.
I hope you truly can change and move on now!

Strength and honor!!


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909071
11/22/20 05:30 PM
11/22/20 05:30 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 340
S
Steve_ Offline OP
Member
Steve_  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 340
Yeah I probably did the wrong thing here. When she kept saying ďIím not sure about thisĒ and stuff when we talked I thought she really meant it so I pushed into it and when it came down to choosing she stayed with him. I know I did it because I wanted the manipulation to stop, I wanted to not be plan B. I didnít want her to have that. Should have just ignored her temp checks and kept things short. I was weak and believed them, thought if I pushed I could save it. She didnít want to be saved. But it is what it is. I donít think she will manipulate me anymore because there isnít a reason to, and I donít think she will ever come back. I donít really think anything I could have done would change that. And hopefully Iíll get to a point where it doesnít hurt this much anymore. It will take some time. But thatís ok I have plenty of time now. Iím just gonna practice being more silent than ever. Around everyone. Iíve always been a talker. A fixer. Those are the first things I want to change.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1
She moved out 10/15/20 (sort of)
OM "a friend" confirmed 10/27/20
OM gone 01/20/2021.
She doesnt want to Recon "yet"
Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909081
11/22/20 06:55 PM
11/22/20 06:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,212
S
Steve85 Offline
Member
Steve85  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,212
Do not underestimate her capacity to try to manipulate you. She will try, no question. She doesn't believe she can't snap he fingers and have you back any more than we do. When pushed they will almost always choose the D or the OM out y leaving.

Steve I hope you are serious about moving forward. But I'm still afraid that is she called tomorrow and expressed regrets you'd reopen the door.


M(51), W(52),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909092
11/22/20 10:00 PM
11/22/20 10:00 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,055
C
CWarrior Offline
Member
CWarrior  Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,055
Originally Posted by Steve_
Yeah I probably did the wrong thing here. When she kept saying ďIím not sure about thisĒ and stuff when we talked I thought she really meant it so I pushed into it and when it came down to choosing she stayed with him.

If this is what you needed to begin DB'ing (NC, detach, GAL), then your path was perfect. The proof will be in whether you DB this next week. Remember that DB'ing is about saving you.

Originally Posted by Steve_
I donít think she will manipulate me anymore because there isnít a reason to

Steve, she has many reasons to--a) lining up a safe place between OM if the current OM doesn't pan out, b) venting at you when she's angry so she doesn't vent at OM or have to look inwards, c) getting better terms in childcare, belongings, finances, etc. She was generous and sweet in giving you what you needed yesterday--but remember her overall character is that of a serial cheater who frequently manipulates you.


May'19 - Separation... Dec'19 - Breakup #1... Oct'20 - Breakup #2.... Jan'21 - Breakup #3
"We are never, ever, ever getting back together." -- T.Swift
Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909094
11/22/20 10:59 PM
11/22/20 10:59 PM
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 87
S
Spiral Offline
Member
Spiral  Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 87
Steve,

Stay strong, focus on you, and prepare for her to reach out. I guarantee that she will. Nine months after the ultimatum, my WW still reaches out on occasion and complains that I never respond to texts or calls. And no matter what you say or do, you will be Plan B for a long time. You need to work on you so that you are strong and able to resist the temptation when it comes.

And to answer your future questions, I vote for complete and utter radio silence in response to whatever she says or writes.

Spiral

Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909097
11/23/20 04:00 AM
11/23/20 04:00 AM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 340
S
Steve_ Offline OP
Member
Steve_  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 340
Copy that. She sent a heart emoji today. I did not respond. Just sent her photos of the kids I took them up to them the mountains to a cabin she loves. Wanted to let her know I took em out of town without having to talk. So far so good. I made arrangements to drop and get the kids for the next week without having to see her. Iím gonna keep trying to do that. I prefer that as much as I can do it. So begins day 1 of actual DBing. Took me long enough. Guess I had to learn the hard way. As usual

Last edited by Steve_; 11/23/20 04:02 AM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1
She moved out 10/15/20 (sort of)
OM "a friend" confirmed 10/27/20
OM gone 01/20/2021.
She doesnt want to Recon "yet"
Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909100
11/23/20 05:45 AM
11/23/20 05:45 AM
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 248
O
OnlyBent Online
Member
OnlyBent  Online
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 248
As long as you do learn Steve, you are supported, know that.

There is good thread on here by a guy called Flight, have a read when you get a chance.


Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020
Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909105
11/23/20 07:56 AM
11/23/20 07:56 AM
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 87
S
Spiral Offline
Member
Spiral  Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 87
One photo is enough. Send as little as you can and even that will probably be too much.

-Sprial

Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Steve_] #2909106
11/23/20 08:02 AM
11/23/20 08:02 AM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 474
M
Mumin Offline
Member
Mumin  Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 474
Agree with Spiral!
Also, dont send photos randomly.

My take:
If she specifically asks for something, MAYBE send one.
If she asks cause shes lonely, dont send.
If a child accomplished something that you caught on camera, send one.
If the child asks you to send a photo of something to mommy, ALWAYS send.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Re: Steve_'s LRT phase 2 [Re: Mumin] #2909108
11/23/20 09:32 AM
11/23/20 09:32 AM
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 241
G
Gigi123 Offline
Member
Gigi123  Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 241
Im with Mumin on that! My H has painted this picture to me that he will get the kids to facetime every night, that he will tell me about everything that happened, how they slept etc. At that stage i thought ye right. I actually dont want it and the reality was, i didnt txt him to ask how the kids were, i didnt ask to face time them. He has them for 2 nights and they tell me all about it when they are home. Likewise i only every txt H when he txt back asking something specific about the kids. I dont send any pictures unless asked to. What i do with the kids (they live with me) is none of his business.

Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004