Just for the record because you mentioned it I think you are at least 2 years probably longer away from being able to be in a healthy relationship. I’m not sure I have ever seen anyone with a more unhealthy attachment to another human being. I’m afraid it is going to take some intense therapy for you to break this attachment. This woman cares zero about you and preys on your weakness. I can understand her wanted to break away from your guys toxic relationship, but to mess with you in the process is just mean and sadistic. You have to forget about recon Steve and save yourself.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
-"Your laying next to him in our bed and now you care if im okay? No, you dont. You made your choice, I hope your happy with it."
It seriously pissed me off that she had the nerve to even ask me that. She is trying to relieve her guilt. Not going to let her use me like that. I probably shouldnt have responded but that just seriously pissed me off in a like "how dare you even ask" kinda way. I wanted to say much worse but I did not. I know I cant do that again. I will stick to radio silence.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
I'm glad you could wait 5 hrs before you responded, if it's part of your plan in calming emotions and controlling your impulse to respond. IDK, since you didn't say. However, let's clarify something. NC doesn't mean "waiting" so many hours before responding. You've told her you wouldn't talk to her unless it was about the kids. So, she baits you and gets exactly want she wanted. Look below:
Quote
"Your laying next to him in our bed and now you care if im okay? No, you dont. You made your choice, I hope your happy with it."
You have "victim" plastered all over this response. You're trying to make her feel bad, but it's not working. It just makes you unattractive. You wanted to say much worse, b/c that's you wanting to fire back at the one who is hurting you.
Quote
It seriously pissed me off that she had the nerve to even ask me that. She is trying to relieve her guilt. Not going to let her use me like that. I probably shouldnt have responded but that just seriously pissed me off in a like "how dare you even ask" kinda way. I wanted to say much worse but I did not. I know I cant do that again. I will stick to radio silence.
#1......it doesn't matter that you were pissed off! You'll remain pissed until you let go of her. Emotions do not give you a pass to repeat the same old action. Get it? You reacted to your emotions. She's better at this game, than you are, so I suggest you stop playing. She only pretends to be concerned, b/c she wants you to be her BFF. #2.....stop kidding yourself about her guilt. You want her to feel guilty.....b/c then it would make more sense to you. #3.....your words let her know that you are still very attached, and that she can emotionally manipulate you. She knows she hasn't lost you. When will you decide (through actions) that she has lost you? #4.....how many times are you going to vow to stick to radio silence, and then cave when she asks if you are okay? #5.....why didn't you come talk to the board before you replied to her? My guess is you didn't want talked out of it. You knew you were going to wait around and then reply.
Every time you respond, you have to start over. Your words didn't hurt her, nor shock her out of waywardness. I want you to get this, b/c many LBH's think they can something powerful enough to make the WW stop and realize what she's doing. She owned you during those 5 hrs of waiting.
So, what's the plan next time? B/c there will be a next time, and a next, and a next.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Steve, you know you shouldn’t have replied, but you let your emotions control your actions, something you know you need to be exert control of in your life at some point, so start now, from this moment on. Don’t feel bad because I’m sure everyone here has done something similar, do feel bad if you don’t learn the lesson and keep doing the same thing over and over. You know that your reply was not going to help in anyway, you know that.
Sandi, one question, what happens when there isn’t a next time, when the temp checks stop?
Me: 41 W:42 T: 14 M: 11 S: 6
"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
I’ll answer that for you Bent. LBS are so desperate for anything they actually think temp checks are good. Temp checks are nothing but manipulation to keep the LBS emotionally attached because they are so fuching selfish that they don’t want the LBS but they want the to want them.
The goal is to get to a place where you see the temp check and just laugh. You are making progress but got a ways to go. Steve has a really really long way to go.
“You need to call your son, I’m tired of him disrespecting me”
I did not respond. I will not respond. I have nothing to say anymore. I’m tired of backsliding. I can’t keep doing it. I’m just doing a little better and going back. Can’t do that anymore. It’s just hurting me over and over and over and giving her what she wants... attention. F that. I’m done with this crap. I feel so stupid for responding this morning not going to keep doing this to myself. Anger or not nothing I say matters to her and it just makes me feel stupid now.
Last edited by Steve_; 11/16/2004:16 AM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Let’s start with baby steps. Let’s try to go one day without you posting what she texted you and the meaning you put behind the text. Total waste of time and energy.
Again Steve, start committing to you path and your goals! Sometimes communicating your goals to someone can help commitment.
“You need to call your son, I’m tired of him disrespecting me” This comment should really be enough though. Those type of comments make me so angry. I say throw your moron of a W away for good and never look back. That right there is IMO enough for you to pursue FULL custody. I know most wont agree but it is my opinion.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
