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Logical extension of your counseling which isn’t happening? And the decent thing to do so she could move on? She needs IC to move on and she needs you to pay for it?
And this is the woman who takes pride in not financially taking advantage of her partners?

But I don’t care about her. Stop. Rescuing. Stop rationalizing ways you try to take responsibility for her. Or try to nice her. You aren’t her dad. Your “nice guy” is really out of control. It’s going to leave you totally broke. Please work on this stuff in IC.

This might be hard to hear but your break up did not cause her world to fall apart. She does not need therapy to move on with you. Sure, you are a great guy, but her world is destroyed now. She doesn’t need pity money or grand ge stores or even small gestures. You continue to try to “rescue “ her beyond your break up.

And I was thinking exactly what dawn was thinking. We weren’t afraid you were going to stretch the actual relationship. Just the part of her using you. Using your home as a storage facility. And what is her plan for her S18? Is she going to take him until he gets this assistance and finds housing? Or is it now your job to ensure he gets proper housing beyond this breakup. I can’t even believe he wears dirty clothes because no one ( and yes, he should be washing his laundry) is cleaning them or taught him. When he was 16 and on his own , who the heck washed his clothes? Was the poor kid going to school with dirty clothes. This is child neglect.

It seems as if he was left to fend for himself and figure it out most of his life. I’m afraid it’s going to become your responsibility now. I’m afraid you are going to allow it too

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I also don’t want to invalidate you finally seeing her true colors. That’s great. But the work on your end now is now to not rush into things, get to know a persons actions, not words, and not to rescue or even “raise” women like they are your teenage daughters. And recognize why you are driven to do this. It’ll be hard work, but worth it

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Last edited by job; 11/29/20 10:11 PM. Reason: added link to new thread

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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