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#2908475 11/14/20 01:08 PM
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AndrewP Offline OP
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Well - making the last thread last any amount of time was a bust
Courage
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2908472&page=1

Now on to the next page


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Originally Posted by LH19
I know people are not going to agree but S is just as much as a victim. Both sides misrepresented themselves in the early stages of the relationship.

Not sure why you’d think we would not agree with you LH, unless you’re used to that being the case. smile (that was just too good to resist) but fact of the matter is, it’s nearly always both sides. It certainly does take two. Andrew is very set in his ways. He seems to have rushed into this just as much as S has. I can see why she’d think she was played. Again, it’s rarely just one persons fault - it really does take two.

Ginger is correct, as she often is, the steps outlined are for marriage - not dating. Heck some just ghost their “partner” of many months. Others send a break up text after a year - as Ginger can attest to. I’m not saying those things are any more right or good than trying to leave no stone unturned. You do everything you can for a partner of 10 or 20 years that you at one time were very compatible with and got along so well with because the two of you were clearly a match. It’s not the same with a short, rushed, sitch that probably should have never gotten this far in the first place. You and S were never a match. Given what you now know and what you’ve seen over the past month plus, can you really see yourself living this way for another year, let alone 10? My money is still firmly on, this situation continues until S ends it.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
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Quote
Your 3 steps to doing the right thing apply to a marriage. But a dating relationship? Dating is recognizing differences that DO NOT WORK before marriage. There is absolutely nothing wrong with recognizing those and then doing the right thing for yourself


I agree here. You keep treating this like a marriage and a vow and it is not. That’s why we have marriage ceremonies , to clearly demarcate when the commitment crosses that line.

Quote
I know people are not going to agree but S is just as much as a victim. Both sides misrepresented themselves in the early stages of the relationship.


I disagree, LH19. Andrew presented himself exactly as he was. A rescuer, who was easily manipulated, who lived an organized life in the house that he owns (and she stayed in plenty), who was supporting her in the idea of and expected her to start her business.

Sure, there was a misunderstanding, in that he thought the mess in her apartment was due to her kids and she might have thought he was ok with her hoarding. But she also told Andrew that she liked his neat home, then, like most hoarders, quickly filled her new home up with her stuff.

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I see it is S finally thought she met someone who understood her and accepted her as she was warts and all. After all he proposed and moved her in really quick when Andy clearly knew who she was. Heck his own son warned him. Sorry K I completely disagree.

Last edited by job; 11/14/20 07:13 PM. Reason: edited a word for LH19
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It's done. S was not surprised. It's going to take time to disentangle.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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((( Andrew)))

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Im sure there has to be more to this story. I mean it didn’t come out of nowhere from our point of view but clearly something abrupt or at least unplanned had to happen to go from step 2 and 8 on a 1-10 scale of investment to “done”. Hopefully you’ll fill us in. In the meantime, please know that this is for the best. It’s not a close call, you are doing the right thing. Don’t second guess yourself now. You have done nothing (to S) to be ashamed of. Don’t beat yourself up or take on any internal blame. You are not a bad guy here Andrew.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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(((((Hug)))))) I’m sure that was difficult. But also the right thing.

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(((((Andrew)))))

I know this is difficult but I hope, in time, you come to see that it was the right decision to take care of yourself. You are NOT the bad guy here and you DID do the right thing.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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good. honesty is best, difficult or painful as it may be. now the healing can begin.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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