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https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2907464&page=11

LH, AS, and Ready2Change had some greats posts on that thread - so check those out. I have nothing to add right now, but wanted to start my new thread.

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ScottB

FYI, you may not be aware of the policies of this particular website, but we do not allow the posting of links to other sites and/or reference other sites by name/owner of the site that are not related to Divorcebusting.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I had no idea, thanks Job.

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You are welcome. The moderators attempt to visit the threads when they have the time and if we see links, we remove them. At some point, if a poster continues to post links after we have warned them, we have the option of warning again and then putting that poster on moderation. I didn't want to see you put on moderation.

Last edited by job; 11/10/20 10:06 PM.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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So, we were supposed to divy up the furniture tonight because she is moving out soon. That did not go well. I’m seeing the value of no relationship talks but it’s really hard when these decisions need to be made. My son stayed home from school today, he’s struggling with sleep, said he had a headache and a sore stomach.

At bedtime my daughter asked if we were getting divorced. She asked if we were going to remarry other people or remarry each other, and said she couldn’t decide who got her fish.

This stuff is real and tough.

It feels very close to I’ll have your lawyer call my lawyer. I’m starting to get angry - vapo said that’s the next stage - maybe that’s good, I don’t know.

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Sorry Scott. I know how tough this stage is. Death by 1,000 little cuts. It really, really sux. You will get through this though. Promise. BTW... My D12 has a fish at my place AND at her dad’s place. The hardest part of that is remembering to feed the little sucker when she is at her dad’s.

Hopefully things won’t get so bad that you only talk through lawyers. That’s when the cost of things start to increase. My sister used to work as a family law paralegal and she could not believe how petty people get. She’s seen clients have their lawyer write a letter to their ex-spouse because the other person got their kids’ bangs cut...or a letter to a parent for refusing to give their kid prescribed medication because it was the other parent who took their kid to the doctor. Really really dumb and unnecessary stuff designed to do nothing but continue the conflict.

Keep your kids at the forefront of your mind and what is going to be in their best interest and you will come through this okay. Don’t base your decisions on your feelings. Take the high road as much as possible and rise above so that you can look back and be proud about how you handled yourself - regardless of the outcome of your M. You will be very glad you did and so will your kids. (((HUGS)))

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Anger is normal and anger is good. If turned inwards it becomes depression. Just remembeto vent safely. Go yell at a tree in the middle of the woods or take a baseball bat to a trash can.

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Scotty B,

I’m a little confused on why you think a relationship talk needs to be made when divvying up furniture?

Anger is good because it means you’re moving forward and healing.

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LH - Here's how this conversation goes.

SB: What furniture do you think you would like, maybe this will be easy to work out? - W: I'd like the kitchen table and chairs and the banquet table that goes with it. SB: This might be more complicated than I thought then, that's a lot of furniture. W: I wasn't planning on taking anything but you wouldn't buy me furniture for my new home. SB: If you hadn't gone and bought the house before we headed to mediation we would have been able to go through a process to figure this out. W: If you hadn't told me to stay after I told you not to, I wouldn't have had to buy the house.

And from there it was a dumpster fire. When I get triggered I just can't get it under control. I try, but I just get too emotional. I don't know, Its so frustrating and I feel like a bit of failure. I just want her out of the house so I can have some peace.

We literally recorded our conversation because she has accused me of consistently saying something and then going back on it and I've done the same. The recording did force her to check herself, and me too. This just needs to be over. I'm sick about it.

My son is sick and home from school again. Feels worse than yesterday. Such a mess all the way around. I feel like just giving up.

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Scotty B,

It’s just furniture that can be replaced. She takes that then you take something of equal value. You are trying to make it seem that you are letting her go. If you argue every point that sets you up as her adversary.

Remember validation. About buying the furniture. You sound frustrated is that how you feel? Same with buying the house.

Scotty B learning to control you emotions should be a top priority in your self improvement. It will help you also in the business world.

I’m curious as to when you say “I feel like giving up”. What does that mean to you? If you decided you were giving up. What would change?

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