I couldn't live with someone so different from me, not just in political persuasion but in ability to discern facts. That could just be me though. It's a shame.
You plans for the lake house sound great, but I have one caveat - what happens to you if your brother-in-law bails? Would your sister be able to buy out his share of the house? Is his 1/3 or 1/4? Make sure you have EVERYTHING for EVERY contingency spelled out. What if you married a guy who didn't get along with your BIL? How would that be worked out?
(Confession - I've thought idly about the same thing with my sister. If she lived closer - we each own a nice house, but it we combined forces, we could live in a mansion! However, I wouldn't want the maintenance or expense of that.)
Good questions KML. My sister and BIL have been married for 25 years and he is like a brother to me. They are in business together. He has no extended family except for a couple cousins that he sees once in a blue moon. He loved my parents immensely. He and my brother are close friends. In short...we are his family and he is as loyal as they come. I cannot imagine him bailing but we will definitely have that worked out prior...just in case. As for my sister and I... we are identical twins and as close as two people can be. We always said we would end up living together when we were old...just thought it would be a lot later. This is actually a pretty great situation for all of us as they plan to live out of the country for three months out of the year after they retire so they wouldn’t have to worry about their home being looked after. We are also going to be splitting all of the bills which will be a nice financial break for all of us. I know this is a bit risky but honestly, if one of us decided we truly wanted out, we would work it out somehow. To answer your question...his share of the home would be 1/4. I am paying for 50% of the home and they are paying for the other 50%.
As an added bonus... we are designing the house so that we could run it as a B & B once the kids move out if we decided we wanted to make some extra money. Honestly... it is going to be so beautiful and spacious that I don’t see any of us ever wanting to move. It’s been mine and my sister’s dream to live next to a lake since we were kids and my parents opted to move away from the lake where we lived and closer to town. My sister says she feels like we are righting a wrong...lol.
Re: me marrying someone they didn’t like or get along with. TBH...I can’t see me ever doing that. Their opinions matter too much to me. If they didn’t like my significant other, I know the relationship would have very little chance of succeeding. I’m just too close to them geographically now for it to go any other way. My sister and I are so much alike. It is doubtful I would like anyone she didn’t like and vice versa. And my BIL is pretty chill. Nonetheless, I would not have anyone move in without their approval so not too worried.
Ahhhh....the twin thing! You'll be fine! And if BIL only has 25% ownership, even if he loses his mind and has a MLC and leaves, the two of you should be able to buy him out if need be.
And love the idea of having a possibility for income from the property in the future.
The ability to make money from it as a B & B is definitely an added bonus. We don’t know that is something we would want to do but we thought it was smart to give ourselves the option...or a future buyer if we ever decide to sell. Or the kids after they inherit the property. That’s another bonus...they don’t have kids so my kids are their heirs.
The thing about my BIL is that he has a genius level IQ and is extremely rational and analytical. Sometimes I think he might be on the autism spectrum. He rarely makes decisions on an emotional level. He is very goal oriented and I trust him to the level that I trusted my dad. He is just a solid human being. But yes...if they split, my sister and I would definitely buy him out. He’s pretty into this idea...lol. As soon as we decided we wanted to do this, he started designing the house on an architecture program he has. It took him about a week to get it just right. We just need an architect to approve the design and add the details for the builder. It is so awesome!!! Four floors because it is on a really steep incline and we’re putting in an elevator so we can live there for as long as we are able to take care of ourselves. The first floor is the main living space - open floor plan. The second floor has two primary bedrooms, a laundry room, an open area for exercise equipment and a media room. The third floor has three bedrooms and two bathrooms so my kids will each have their own bathroom (less fighting )and the bottom floor has a rec room (with a pool table, of course) a wet bar (with a pass through window to the outside) and an office for my BIL. There will also be a bathroom/change area that can be accessed from outside for anyone coming in from the lake or the hot tub. It really is a dream and one we could only achieve together. The only possible glitch is that the city won’t approve the variances we need to build but we won’t know that before the purchase of the lot goes through so it is a bit nerve wracking. However, there was a build that happened last year just down the street and they asked for the same variances we need so we think we are pretty safe in that regard. But...you never know. We may just end up with a very expensive dock to swim off of...lol. . Anyway...this would never have happened if I was still married to XH so it is yet another blessing that comes from what I thought was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Hmmm...maybe not. Life is so full of surprises.
I know this is a bit risky but honestly, if one of us decided we truly wanted out, we would work it out somehow.
Having read "a few" contracts the key clauses in any contract are under what conditions is the contract to be ended and what are the remedies involved. And of course the simpler the better.
In some ways this would be like a pre-nup wouldn't it?
Just something to think about as a model. But certainly putting it all down in writing at the beginning will simplify everything for yourselves and potential heirs.
It could be structured in numerous ways. One set being the owner and the other tenant with the "rent" going towards equity vs co-owners for example. A friend of mine was explaining to me that a friend of his actually has his partner pay rent on the house they cohabitate in. As people get tired of me saying in meetings - "there's more than one way to skin a cat - but they all upset the cat".
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
The twins are with me full-time for at least the next month. OW had her liver transplant last week so XH is on the mainland with her. We’re thrilled she has finally had the surgery. As much as I wanted the karma bus to hit the two of them, this was definitely not what I had in mind. So...not only are we happy that she got her liver (which seems to be working well) but the kids were able to return to school. D13 was over the moon about that. She’s really been missing her friends. S13 wasn’t quite so happy. He has fewer friends and he also has a difficult time concentrating in what can be a pretty noisy classroom. Overall, I think it is a good thing though. The last thing I want is a boy who is so used to being at home for school that he doesn’t want to return to regular school. And next year is the start of high school which comes with a whole other set of problems. My main worry is about how tiny he is. His paediatrician says it is delayed puberty. He’s 4’10” and 71 pounds whereas his twin sister is 5’7” and 130 pounds. When they stand next two each other, you would never ever guess they were twins. He has started to eat more lately though so I’m hoping that means his body is gearing up to enter puberty soon.
Haven’t seen TDH in ages so I find myself becoming used to being alone again which has its pros and cons. He seems to be as in love with me as ever but I’m not as sure. The pandemic has really magnified the complications that come with long distance relationships. We are still in touch every day but not a lot to talk about as not a lot changes when people’s movements are so restricted and every day feels like Groundhog Day. After awhile, you start to think that maybe the cons are starting to outweigh the pros. But...I am going to wait until things return to normal and we are able to see each other more often before I determine what I want long term. I’ve been pretty preoccupied with getting my house ready for the market and planning our new build so not really focused on my relationship at all. Subjects came off of our offer and money will be transferred on April 1st so it will officially be ours. We could have set an earlier closing but won’t be ready to break ground until the fall so didn’t see the point in carrying the mortgage any longer than we need to. Still feels surreal that we are actually doing this. Waiting the year and a half until we can move in is going to be hard but I think it will be worth it in the end.
My main worry is about how tiny he is. His paediatrician says it is delayed puberty. He’s 4’10” and 71 pounds whereas his twin sister is 5’7” and 130 pounds.
Please have him checked for celiac disease or gluten sensitivity. Celiac disease is a well known cause of delayed puberty. I had one such child who was shorter than her much younger sister - she was gluten sensitive (not quite full blown celiac) and she grew two inches the first year we put her on a gluten free diet.
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We are still in touch every day but not a lot to talk about as not a lot changes when people’s movements are so restricted and every day feels like Groundhog Day. After awhile, you start to think that maybe the cons are starting to outweigh the pros
I would say the lack of things to talk about is a bit of a red flag. After all, ideas, books, values, movies, current events - there should be LOTS to talk about besides daily outings, for people with an intellectual life. But if TDH doesn't have an intellectual life (which many people don't, and that's not necessarily bad, we need all kinds in the world) he just might not be a match for YOU. I don't get to see my best friend (who I used to see once or twice a week) but we still have plenty to talk about on the phone, current events, books and movies we've read/seen, how our family members are doing, etc. etc. When I dated a guy who lived 11 hours away and who I only saw in person for a weekend every couple of months, we had tons to talk about every day - because he had an intellectual life.
Lazy weekend. Wednesday I get my second shot of the vaccine! Yay!
A cautionary tale for you "rescuer" guys out there: A long-time patient of mine contracted Covid. I was managing him at home, had started him on some medications, spoke to him one morning late last week - he wasn't well and his oxygen levels had declined a bit, he was going to have to go to the ER if it got any worse.
Tried calling him over the weekend to check on him with no response. Figured maybe he had gotten admitted.
Nope - he'd gotten arrested.
A little background - I've known him for many years, he's a simple blue collar guy who has carved out a spare but adequate retirement for himself, built his own home, has hobbies like motorcycle riding and windsurfing. Late 60's. Very nice guy.
He's been a bit of a lonely guy and he is a rescuer. His latest girlfriend he basically rescued from homelessness and addiction. They've been together for a couple of years and Ive heard the stories of her instability before.
Last morning I spoke to him, she was screaming very inappropriately at him in the background like a banshee that he was going to give her Covid. While he was febrile, with low oxygen, talking to his doctor.
Finally got a hold of his emergency contact today - apparently he'd been arrested later that day for pushing her. Now I can pretty much guarantee that SHE was the aggressor in this situation. If it even happened at all.
Hopefully he's getting bailed out today. I have a call in to the detective in the case to share what I know. I imagine he may not be able to return to his home since she has been living there with him.
Please don't try to rescue crazy women, guys. It doesn't turn out well.
Happy Birthday, Deja Vu! Just caught up a bit reading about your idyllic family home with your twin sister and ambivalent feelings toward your boyfriend. Glad all is well. Happy.. 52nd? May it be a year of more pleasant surprises!
Happy Birthday, DV! I think the plan with your sister sounds interesting. I’ve joked with my cousin (who is like a sister) about doing the same thing with her and her husband. Unlikely, but as I get closer to retirement and death, it gets more appealing.
. Anyway...this would never have happened if I was still married to XH so it is yet another blessing that comes from what I thought was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Hmmm...maybe not. Life is so full of surprises.