A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly
with Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching
SPECIAL JANUARY OFFER -- SAVE $60
THREE DIVORCE BUSTING TELEPHONE COACHING SESSION FOR ONLY $330

CALL 303-444-7004 or use code: SAVE_$60 in the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908283
11/11/20 09:55 PM
11/11/20 09:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,199
S
Steve85 Offline
Member
Steve85  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,199
Steve, thanks for your service.
Good job on not responding.

Let the process work.


M(51), W(52),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908284
11/11/20 10:02 PM
11/11/20 10:02 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 340
S
Steve_ Offline OP
Member
Steve_  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 340
Thank you Sandi. I guess I thought my wife was still in there somewhere. Maybe she would realize that this whole thing is killing us. But she’s so limerant with OM I doubt she even cares. The woman I married for 10 years would never do this. You are right, she is gone.

[censored] that she left me for a man who threw his M and family to the side for her. It would have been nice if she had at least picked someone with some decency. Waited awhile after the D. But the D is only happening because of this OM and his D too. What a mess, thanks for sticking with me everyone. It’s been tough to pull my head out of this but I’m getting there every day a little more. Been two weeks now and I’ve been able to back off a little more every day. Thanks to your advice. I am reading DB and DR. Looking forward to being at work. Looking forward to having my own independence. Leaving our M for someone else in an M in this way is sad, you get zero time to be free, to work on yourself to find yourself. And at least I get to start over that’s the blessing here I suppose, im not locked into a mess that I created like she is. I try to remember that when I feel down, I get to be free to start over better now. That is nice actually.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1
She moved out 10/15/20 (sort of)
OM "a friend" confirmed 10/27/20
OM gone 01/20/2021.
She doesnt want to Recon "yet"
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908286
11/11/20 10:09 PM
11/11/20 10:09 PM
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 244
O
OnlyBent Offline
Member
OnlyBent  Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 244
Originally Posted by Steve_
But she’s so limerant with OM I doubt she even cares.


Time for you to stop caring then.

Originally Posted by Steve_
[censored] that she left me for a man who threw his M and family to the side for her. It would have been nice if she had at least picked someone with some decency.


She was going to leave you for anyone, it’s not this guy specifically.

Originally Posted by Steve_
Leaving our M for someone else in an M in this way is sad, you get zero time to be free, to work on yourself to find yourself.


Her problem, not yours.


Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908291
11/11/20 11:57 PM
11/11/20 11:57 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 78
K
Kind18 Offline
Member
Kind18  Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 78
Quote
Thank you Sandi. I guess I thought my wife was still in there somewhere. Maybe she would realize that this whole thing is killing us. But she’s so limerant with OM I doubt she even cares. The woman I married for 10 years would never do this. You are right, she is gone.

[censored] that she left me for a man who threw his M and family to the side for her. It would have been nice if she had at least picked someone with some decency. Waited awhile after the D. But the D is only happening because of this OM and his D too. What a mess, thanks for sticking with me everyone. It’s been tough to pull my head out of this but I’m getting there every day a little more. Been two weeks now and I’ve been able to back off a little more every day. Thanks to your advice. I am reading DB and DR. Looking forward to being at work. Looking forward to having my own independence. Leaving our M for someone else in an M in this way is sad, you get zero time to be free, to work on yourself to find yourself. And at least I get to start over that’s the blessing here I suppose, im not locked into a mess that I created like she is. I try to remember that when I feel down, I get to be free to start over better now. That is nice actually.


Another whole post about your wife. What she is thinking. What she is doing. Who she is dating.

We all want posts from now on about Steve. What are you doing to stay active, keep busy, favourite hobby, favourite movie, how you’re being a great Dad.

More focus on Steve.

29 days of no contact to go!

Here’s some ideas to focus on Steve
- mountain biking with mates
- walking/hiking
- do an online course
- gym membership - make some weight/fitness goals
- house project
- volunteer work
- landscaping at your house
- gaming
- go to your local library and borrow some books
- join a meetup/social group which IS NOT dating related
- watch a bunch of TEDx videos on YouTube
- choose a room in your house and paint it
- go clothes shopping. Don’t buy what you’d always buy. Ask a younger shop assistant to get you a new, modern look
- go to the barber for a new look. Grow a beard?
- practice validation every day on people other than your wife. “You must feel like” “how horrible for you” “I can’t imagine what you’re going through” “that sounds tough” “you inspire me” “tell me more about xxxx”
- practice flirting, but do NOT date
- camping trip with no electronic devices
- write a letter to your kids explaining how much and why you love them... but don’t give it to them, just file it away somewhere
- write a list of three things YOU want to change about yourself (which do NOT relate in any way to trying to get your ex back or impress her) , and then make a plan of how you’ll get better at those things
- eat healthier than you’ve ever eaten before
- try to drink at least 2 litres of water per day
- cut back on alcohol/coffee/sugar
- work on self talk. Write a list of everything you want to be and how you want to feel, then read it to yourself each morning. Self talk is incredibly powerful and rewires your brain. See TEDx videos for this

Your life now is STEVE, STEVE and more STEVE.

Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908298
11/12/20 05:27 AM
11/12/20 05:27 AM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 340
S
Steve_ Offline OP
Member
Steve_  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 340
Well I exchanged the kids to her. Didn’t say a word. Handed her my signed divorce papers. She brought OM daughter with her to pick our kids up. Asked me if it was ok. Just responded “sure”.

There is no more left to do but walk away. And let the universe do whatever it will do.
Thank you guys for being here. I’ll let you know how this week alone goes.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1
She moved out 10/15/20 (sort of)
OM "a friend" confirmed 10/27/20
OM gone 01/20/2021.
She doesnt want to Recon "yet"
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908316
11/12/20 01:13 PM
11/12/20 01:13 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,199
S
Steve85 Offline
Member
Steve85  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,199
Change "sure" to, in a very upbeat, cheerful way: "I am doing great!"

Remember, Steve_, you are moving on to an awesome life....with or without her.

Think about this. Think about how you'd feel about someone you knew, a friend or a family member, and you were around them and said "How are you doing?" And they were, depressed, down, sad "oh......I am ok.....doing ok......." but there demeanor said otherwise.

Not sure about you but I would be running the other way fast.

Now if I say to the same person, "How are you doing?" And they beam with a smile, light up and say "I am doing great! Life is good I am enjoying each day, and I am in the best place in my life I've ever been."

Suddenly, I am intrigued. I want to know more. My interest is piqued and I want to learn what their secret to being so upbeat, cheerful is.

You are the friend or family member. Your W is you. "sure" in a dejected, woe is me tone is no way to lure someone to you. But if you beamed a smile and said, "I am doing great!" suddenly she is going to wonder what it is that Steve_ has found that is fueling his happiness fire!

Remember, confident. Upbeat. Pleased. Dang it, even happy! Be a person that people want to be around!


M(51), W(52),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908329
11/12/20 03:26 PM
11/12/20 03:26 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 340
S
Steve_ Offline OP
Member
Steve_  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 340
She didn't ask me how im doing, she asked if it was okay to bring OM's kid, that's why I said "sure".

She asked me if I needed anything last night I just said "nope im good." made it as fast as possible.

I told her "I have no problem with the children but do not bring OM around me, I will not speak to him ever again, respect that at least."

He knew me, we were friends and now he is with my W and Kids, I will never forgive that.

That's what that was about.

Last edited by Steve_; 11/12/20 03:29 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1
She moved out 10/15/20 (sort of)
OM "a friend" confirmed 10/27/20
OM gone 01/20/2021.
She doesnt want to Recon "yet"
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908330
11/12/20 03:29 PM
11/12/20 03:29 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,543
S
sandi2 Offline
Member
sandi2  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,543
Quote
There is no more left to do but walk away.


Walk tall, with your head held high. ((hugs))


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908331
11/12/20 03:30 PM
11/12/20 03:30 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 340
S
Steve_ Offline OP
Member
Steve_  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 340
Thanks Sandi.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1
She moved out 10/15/20 (sort of)
OM "a friend" confirmed 10/27/20
OM gone 01/20/2021.
She doesnt want to Recon "yet"
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908333
11/12/20 03:49 PM
11/12/20 03:49 PM
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,658
Colorado
T
Thornton Offline
Member
Thornton  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,658
Colorado
Originally Posted by Steve_
She didn't ask me how im doing, she asked if it was okay to bring OM's kid, that's why I said "sure".


Try this next time and watch your W's jaw hit the ground.

"No problem! She's a cutie! Well, gotta run!"

And then get in your car, roll down the window, and blast some music as you drive off with a smile on your face.

Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004