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A Message from Michele
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Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908215
11/11/20 06:42 AM
11/11/20 06:42 AM
Joined: Dec 2019
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Kind18 Offline
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Steve, just for a second forget that urge to defend yourself and call out her lies. Just put it on the shelf for now...

Read back through your threads. Do you see a pattern?

Every time you interact with her you get pain. And hurt. And anger. And you then post a whole account of what happened.

STOP INTERACTING WITH HER.

Every time you take the bait she wins.

She calls your sonís iPad calls him a fn liar, and hangs up. You know what you do? You turn off his iPad, chuck the kids in the car and go ten pin bowling or play mini golf. DONT TAKE THE BAIT.

She messages you about the PlayStation. You know what you do? You ignore it. Itís not about the kids.

She tells your son he is rude. You know what you do? Hang up, tell your son this divorce is not his fault and that you love him very much, and then ask if he wants to play a board game with you

Your reactions and messages and arguing with her is just wind that fills her sails.

JUST STOP INTERACTING. I CHALLENGE YOU TO GO ONE MONTH.

Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908219
11/11/20 07:14 AM
11/11/20 07:14 AM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,047
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CWarrior Online
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I endorse Kind18's post. I'm sorry you're going through this.


May'19 - Girlfriend of 2yrs left. Aug'19 - We became a "broken" couple (I needed validation, she screamed). Dec'19 - We gave up and went NC. Mar'20 - I've changed and she's eager for MC and us again.
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908225
11/11/20 10:17 AM
11/11/20 10:17 AM
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Steve_ Offline OP
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Your absolutely right Kind.

I guess since I stopped fighting/responding about the R now sheís using the kids to get to me.
I felt the need to defend my son. But it was just part of her game. The way you guys saw through
That is amazing. I couldnít see the forest for the trees. I need to get off this ride.

Indifference is taking time. But Iím getting there little by little. The way she is acting
Makes it easier and easier to stop blaming myself and see that itís her.

The PlayStation I sort of thought was about the kids because he loves to play fortnite so thatís why I responded.
And I do feel like crap every time I interact with her or see her. I did actually tell my son this is not his fault,
He said ďI know dadĒ. Iím really looking forward to the next 5 days where she has no reason to reach out and I got no reason to respond. Would be the longest stretch we didnít speak Iím shooting for no interaction at all.

Last edited by Steve_; 11/11/20 10:23 AM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1
She moved out 10/15/20 (sort of)
OM "a friend" confirmed 10/27/20
OM gone 01/20/2021.
She doesnt want to Recon "yet"
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908226
11/11/20 10:29 AM
11/11/20 10:29 AM
Joined: Jan 2020
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Mumin Offline
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Your getting good advice. Stop all interactions. You can always go email only, many others have.

As Deja said establish some ground rules on when and IF she can call the kids.
Also, dont put kids on the phone when she is acting as she was.
They dont need to hear or see any of it. Protect them when you can!
Go to another room if there is something you HAVE to talk about, but even better just hang up.
Early on I used airplane mode a lot. Took some of the stress off.

Can you elaborate on how she threatened to take you kids? Or what she actually said?
One thing.
Write down EVERYTHING she says and does that you consider bad parenting.
Write down what happened and the date. IF needed write some context.
Also, read JosephS thread.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908227
11/11/20 10:38 AM
11/11/20 10:38 AM
Joined: Oct 2020
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OnlyBent Offline
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Steve, we're all with you mate. It ain't easy but you know what you need to do. Stay strong, try not to backslide on your efforts so far.


Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908231
11/11/20 01:11 PM
11/11/20 01:11 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
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Kind18 Offline
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Donít ďshootĒ for no interaction.

JUST DONíT INTERACT. FULL STOP. PERIOD. ZIP. NADDA. ZILCH. END OF DISCUSSION.

Do you exercise? I was told several times after bomb day the absolute best thing you can do to feel better is heavy, regular exercise. And it worked. The weeks I went to the gym for an hour every day, or walked 10km every day - I felt better and better. When I got slack and backed off or stopped exercising, by the end of the week my brain was tearing itself apart.

Iíd highly recommend you hit the exercise. Hard and regular.

You can do this Steve cool

Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908255
11/11/20 05:37 PM
11/11/20 05:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Steve_
Iím really looking forward to the next 5 days where she has no reason to reach out

Hi Steve,

If you read KitKat's early situation, she often awaited a magical time when her ex had no reason to contact her--then "Wow, he STILL contacted me!!" Remember her ex's (and your ex's) reasons for reaching out aren't logistical, and therefore will continue until you stop taking the bait for awhile or they move on.

Yoda says there is no try. Do or do not do. wink


May'19 - Girlfriend of 2yrs left. Aug'19 - We became a "broken" couple (I needed validation, she screamed). Dec'19 - We gave up and went NC. Mar'20 - I've changed and she's eager for MC and us again.
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908259
11/11/20 05:58 PM
11/11/20 05:58 PM
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Posts: 340
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Steve_ Offline OP
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Yeah that is true.

Today she sent me a text ďhappy Veterans Day, thank you for serving our country, you will always be our heroĒ with a heart emoji.


I did not respond. Iím not her hero anymore.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1
She moved out 10/15/20 (sort of)
OM "a friend" confirmed 10/27/20
OM gone 01/20/2021.
She doesnt want to Recon "yet"
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908272
11/11/20 08:41 PM
11/11/20 08:41 PM
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Posts: 2,047
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CWarrior Online
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Hi Steve,

Thanks for your service. Vets rock!


May'19 - Girlfriend of 2yrs left. Aug'19 - We became a "broken" couple (I needed validation, she screamed). Dec'19 - We gave up and went NC. Mar'20 - I've changed and she's eager for MC and us again.
Re: Steve's LRT phase 1 [Re: Steve_] #2908276
11/11/20 09:08 PM
11/11/20 09:08 PM
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sandi2 Offline
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Quote
She has never made it more clear than today she is a selfish, cheating, lying piece of trash. I will hold my anger in and just do what needs to be done. At this point, there is zero saving this. I get that. And Iíll bet your right. She is testing with the kids. Testing to see if I care enough to fight.


I have to step in here, b/c you LBH's want to believe your WW is testing to see if you care enough to fight for her and the marriage. WRONG! That's how the LBH thinks. That is not how the WW thinks, nor is it how she operates.

She is angry b/c she can sense she's losing control over you. She is beyond selfish. Her sense of entitlement is off the charts. She has cast aside moral codes, and anything goes. She is so jealous that her kids might prefer being with their dad, that she'll discredit him however she can. She is over reacting to the jealousy and loss of control she wants over her LBH and her kids. We've read some wild stories how some WW's try to brain wash the kids about their dad, call the cops and make false charges, take the kids and hide them from their dad......on & on.

For her, it's all about control. When she initiates a text message, it's to draw a reaction from you. That is her exercising the control she holds over you! She wants to work you like a puppet.......for her own sick sense of security. It's certainly not b/c she wants to see if you love her enough to fight for her. Please! You're dreaming! You men need to drop this line of thinking, b/c it's as far opposite from the mindset of the WW as it could go.

Quote
I see that I Stand alone.


Come on, don't kid yourself. It's always been just you standing. Sorry, Steve, but you need to take of the blinders and realize what you are dealing with. What you've witnessed is not normal behavior from a logical thinking adult......especially a parent. This is not the girl you thought would love you till death. That girl is gone! Think about it. If she reacts this strongly as a result of you pulling back on the texting game the past couple of days........imagine the viciousness that lies below the surface in her. Yes, she will absolutely use her kids against you. Some wayward mothers turn on their own children in their fit of rage, as you witnessed today. Protect yourself, and get a lawyer who will fight for a father's rights. I would not trust her for a second.

With that said, be prepared to see a range of personalities in your WW. Don't fall for any of it. She's a game player. She wants to control you, and the kids. She's like a spoiled brat who throws tantrums when something doesn't go just like she wants.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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