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Steve_

I've got no advice. I'm going through this same situation - different, but similar. I read this whole thread, but didn't go back and read the others. I've got several friends and acquaintances that have been through this. That thread from the dating guy seemed to hit home for me.

The harsh reality for both of us is, we need to move on. There is no going back. This is about going forward. Our wives have made their decision. Now we need to preserve our dignity and respect to fight another day. And that next battle, will be different from this one. We will be new men and the reality is we will not want what we had, nor do we deserve it.

Thanks for sharing your story. Men like you, who love their family with their whole hearts, are inspirational. You've fought your fight. Time to move forward.

All the best - Scottb

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I appreciate that Scott.

Today no words of any kind have been exchanged except her telling me “meeting lol” in the morning. Said the school was calling her. I just sent her a pick of my daughter in class and doing her work and said “she is” that was it. Nothing more.

What I worry about is tomorrow, it’s Veterans Day. Every year my W would do something for me. I’ll assume tomorrow she will text me happy Veterans Day or something. Should I not respond? I mean I know I need to go dark here since she’s with OM but I was considering a simple “thanks” and that’s it. What do you guys think? No response at all? I sorta feel like no response would be more powerful. She knows Veterans Day is important to me with my long career and so forth. Idk

In other news I’m sitting in my apartment reading DR with my kids playing with a couple toys I got em. Tomorrow we will go play football and frisbee and just be together. It’s my last day with them for 5 days due to work. It’ll be tough.

Last edited by Steve_; 11/10/20 11:37 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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So what you’re worried about is if she texts you happy vets day what your response is to her? Total wasted energy Steve. You say nothing she’s still with om. You say thanks she’s still with om. You answer go fuch yourself she’s still with om. What do you want to say?

You really have to stop wasting any energy I your stbxw and focus on yourself and children.

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I was streaming a movie off my phone to the Tv for the kids and she face times me 4 times In a row. Then texts “don’t be an Fin Ahole I’m trying to talk to the kids not you”. Then calls my sons iPad and my son answers the thing saying “what” she gets pissed and tells them “is your dad brain washing you not to talk to me?” My son says no we are just watching a movie. Then she tells my son he is rude and says I gotta go. Wow. I was tempted to text her and say I’m not brain washing anything etc.. but I said nothing. I will also say nothing if she texts me tomorrow. There is nothing left to say. Pretty obvious when she even calls the kids rude and immidately assumes I’m plotting against her. After all I’ve done to make this easy on her. What a B


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2017
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Your poor kids. What a mess.

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She then calls them and asks them to have me respond to a text.
My son says “mom my dad isn’t brain washing us, we are having family time he is using his phone because we don’t have internet”

I look at the message and it says call me ASAP,
Then it says can I keep the PlayStation or you want it?

I just said “keep it, I don’t play games anymore” (was one of her big reasons to leave).

Not even going to address anything else. What an excuse to talk. I see it for what it is. Tests just like sandi said. So stupid.

Last edited by Steve_; 11/11/20 01:49 AM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Hi Steve_,

What part of "can I keep the PlayStation or you want it?" struck you as urgent business related to the kids? You are making progress. Keep working at it, mate! Lots of testing going on.

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Guys I can’t even believe I’m saying this but. She started threatening to take my kids away tomorrow until court settled in like 6 months. She said I’m making them not talk to her and brain washing them. accused me of not feeding them, I spend 25$ at the dollar store getting noodles, chips, cookies all that. They ate a ton of stuff. We watched movies and they played all day. They love it here. I couldn’t take it, I put my son on the phone with her he told her “mom I don’t like it when your rude to my dad” and he repeated something she said that was mean she told our 7 year old son “your a Fin liar” I hung up on her.

I texted her back, you don’t talk to our kids that way. You will not call our 7 year old that ever.

Her response was “well he was lying”

I said “this relationship with him is changing you in bad ways, you never used to talk to us like this”

She said “ you said worse stuff to him don’t forget that”

I said “your right, I did, 2 years ago when I used to drink, but I was disappointed in myself and I changed. Thankfully he doesn’t remember it. Now you are changing, we are supposed to learn from our mistakes not repeat them, good night.”

She hasn’t said a word since then. I don’t care 1 bit if this damages recon. I won’t allow that to me or my kids. I said not one bad word about her when I have every reason to. And she threatens to take my kids away while she stands there making her boyfriend dinner. No no no. F that. She’s a piece of crap and I’m sick of her using excuses to blame all us to not face her own guilt. Yes I said extra today, yes I talked. But I’m not sorry. I’m tied of being nice. This is bullsh*t I am 100% a better man than I was, she knows it she’s said it. It’s her own guilt doing this and I won’t tolerate this disrespect anymore.

Last edited by Steve_; 11/11/20 05:15 AM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Steve... why would you EVER want to be with someone who would talk to her seven year-old that way? This is not a quality person you have been pining away for. It looks to me like she is using the kids to try to get your attention...negative attention is better than no attention when you have the emotional maturity of a five year-old. Seriously...her threats are empty, IMO. Do you think she is going to want your kids full time while she is with OM? Not a chance. She is just trying to get to you. Don’t let her goad you into a fight. Honestly...why are you still caring about recon with this person?!? Read your post like you are reading an account of someone else’s situation. What would you say to that person?

So...once you have stopped reacting, you need to take some steps to protect your children. You can’t change what she does...you can only change what you do. My suggestion would be to let things calm down a bit and then suggest to her that in order to avoid unnecessary conflict in front of the kids, you come to an agreement about contact when they are with the other parent. Maybe that means establishing a time that you each agree to make your phone available for calls to the kids...bedtime is usually a good time. And write it down. You need some ground rules. Hopefully you won’t need expensive lawyers to establish some sort of basic agreement but if you do, you do. Whatever route you take, you need to avoid these damaging interactions in front of your kids. Do NOT put them in the middle. That is the WORST thing you can do.

Anyway...if you do think she is serious about taking your kids away, you need to get to a lawyer ASAP. It sux but it is what it is. Hope things calm down soon. Oh...and document everything with dates and witnesses when there are some. Also document anytime she says she is going to have the kids but then changes the plans. Better to be safe than sorry.

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We are supposed to meet tomorrow to fill out the financials of the D papers. I plan on doing it with indifference. And saying as little as possible. She wanted a divorce She can have it. There has been no point besides today I see that I Stand alone. She has never made it more clear than today she is a selfish, cheating, lying piece of trash. I will hold my anger in and just do what needs to be done. At this point, there is zero saving this. I get that. And I’ll bet your right. She is testing with the kids. Testing to see if I care enough to fight. The wind is out of me. She can have her POS om. I honestly am done. She ordered the kids beds, we are filling out the last of the papers every day she has less reason to talk to me. I have 5 days without the kids and she has them. I’m looking forward to not hearing from her. To where there is no excuse to contact me when the kids are there. I’m so tired of this. I want it to stop. I have nothing left to defend, nothing left to say. Every day that passes she becomes more of who she is to me. Heartless trash.

Last edited by Steve_; 11/11/20 06:16 AM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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