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Hey CanBird,

It [censored] that you are the one that might need to deliver the news to people, but as kml says, it will be easier for some (like D4) to process if you are showing strength and not upset. Stability for them can do wonders in moving forward.

How were the holidays for you? I hope you're doing well


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I put myself out there into the online dating world. Anyone else have storys to share? It's been well over 15 years!!. So far I've gone on 1 coffee date. That was a warm up & no connection for me. He didn't look like his picture and some of his profile didn't match what he said in person. Oh well. 25 mins lost. And the first date with a stranger out of the way.

Bachelor #2 meet up will be this wknd. I asked him to meet for coffee. We'd been on a site chatting, exchanged numbers & have been texting. I want to see if there's any connection. What's the point in chatting more if you're not sure. It's just coffee. Well see.

OLD = OnLine dating...lol..


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
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OLD is regularly described here as "The Land of The Misfit Toys".

Some people think of it as a numbers game - that if you keep trying that you will find the wheat amongst the chaff.

I don't know.

I'm currently a casual observer of the field with an account on POF and Match. I did meet one nice lady who I had actually met IRL briefly previously. Everything moved "very" fast and it didn't work out. I think that many people go on too soon and with the expectation that they'll get connected quickly and move on. A majority of people I see have a marital status of "separated" which certainly can be taken to mean that they don't have their divorce and related baggage sorted out. The lady I mentioned was still financially tied to her husband through their mortgage and actually ended up going back to take care of him when he got sick some time after we'd split.

I'm glad that you were able to get that one first date out of the way and recognize that it's OK to say no and move on.

From what I gather, especially for women, that OLD can be a scary place. The ex-wife of a buddy of mine quickly contracted an STD and was essentially raped on a date. I know that the woman I dated ended up having sex with a guy that she didn't want because he was so aggressive about it. I'm sure that happens the other way around too but the risks I think are higher for women.

Having a "wing-man" available is always a good idea from what I understand. Our own Dawn - who met a keeper on POF - arranged to have a friend of her's "stop by accidentally" on her first date to make sure she was ok and safe.

There are those too - I'm one of them - who believe that meeting people organically is "better" but then again, I'm still disentangling myself from one of those. A person I thought was fun and quirky turned out to be a lazy hoarder with no desire to do anything other than watch TV and spend my money. Even people you may have known for years - like in this case with me - can be completely different in a relationship.

I'm sure it's not all gloom and doom though. Many many people meet someone great through OLD - otherwise those sites wouldn't be in business.

But - as you've already done - the ability to say "next!" is key to navigating.

Keep us up to date.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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The key is, it's not really online dating, it's online MEETING. It's just a mechanism for meeting people that are available for a relationship, that's all. It has pros and cons. Cons are they aren't vetted by your friends (or in Andrew's case, his barber!). Pros are you can learn a bit about them beforehand that you might not know if you met them at a party (like incompatible political leanings, smoking habits, spelling ability, musical tastes) and that can help you eliminate some people that you know you wouldn't be a match with.

Honestly, at my age meeting "organically" just doesn't really happen. I've met a grand total of one date in 11 years that way - Mr Big Lots, who picked me up when shopping in Big Lots. And while he was (and still is!) extremely handsome, he was in most other ways not a match - and I probably would have picked that up even earlier if I had met him online.

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Originally Posted by CanBird
I put myself out there into the online dating world. Anyone else have storys to share?

I have all kinds of stories. What are you interested in because I have them all?
Originally Posted by CanBird
So far I've gone on 1 coffee date. That was a warm up & no connection for me.

This is very common if you have standards and know your value,. Most of the time there is no connection or interest in another date.
Originally Posted by CanBird
He didn't look like his picture and some of his profile didn't match what he said in person.

Very common. Accept the reality of it and move on.
Originally Posted by CanBird
Oh well. 25 mins lost.

Lost or were you lucky to get out of the house and meet someone new.
Originally Posted by CanBird
Bachelor #2 meet up will be this wknd. I asked him to meet for coffee.

Interesting you asked him for coffee. Do you normally take the lead?
Originally Posted by CanBird
We'd been on a site chatting, exchanged numbers & have been texting. I want to see if there's any connection. What's the point in chatting more if you're not sure. It's just coffee. Well see.

Exactly. No expectations.

I will get hammered for this if Donnie H stops by but I still think OLD is the best way to meet new people you just have to temper your expectations and be patient. It is a numbers game especially when you know your value and won't settle.


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ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
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Hi CanBird,

I havenít been on here in a while and I decided to read your thread. Divorce is difficult (itís been almost 7 years and I still struggle with calling myself divorced or a single mom. I feel like a cliche, but I also act like one on occasion). Iím sure you struggle with how this affects your D. My story with my ex h is quite interesting as well, but thatís not the time for that. Youíve received some great advice and this is a fantastic community.

Iíve heard many horror stories with OLD, however, that was not my experience. I met many fun, good people-just nothing long term resulted. I also donít attach many expectations to OLD other than Iíll go and have a good time. And that has worked well for me. I think perspective is key with dating in general. Not sure I buy the numbers game theory, and meeting people organically can be a struggle as well.

I only went on one coffee date but I hear many say those generally never seem to vibe. I did meet many funny, interesting people so Iím grateful for that. Hang in there :-)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Originally Posted by AndrewP
OLD is regularly described here as "The Land of The Misfit Toys".

Some people think of it as a numbers game - that if you keep trying that you will find the wheat amongst the chaff.

I don't know.

I'm currently a casual observer of the field with an account on POF and Match. I did meet one nice lady who I had actually met IRL briefly previously. Everything moved "very" fast and it didn't work out. I think that many people go on too soon and with the expectation that they'll get connected quickly and move on. A majority of people I see have a marital status of "separated" which certainly can be taken to mean that they don't have their divorce and related baggage sorted out. The lady I mentioned was still financially tied to her husband through their mortgage and actually ended up going back to take care of him when he got sick some time after we'd split.

I'm glad that you were able to get that one first date out of the way and recognize that it's OK to say no and move on.

From what I gather, especially for women, that OLD can be a scary place. The ex-wife of a buddy of mine quickly contracted an STD and was essentially raped on a date. I know that the woman I dated ended up having sex with a guy that she didn't want because he was so aggressive about it. I'm sure that happens the other way around too but the risks I think are higher for women.

Having a "wing-man" available is always a good idea from what I understand. Our own Dawn - who met a keeper on POF - arranged to have a friend of her's "stop by accidentally" on her first date to make sure she was ok and safe.

There are those too - I'm one of them - who believe that meeting people organically is "better" but then again, I'm still disentangling myself from one of those. A person I thought was fun and quirky turned out to be a lazy hoarder with no desire to do anything other than watch TV and spend my money. Even people you may have known for years - like in this case with me - can be completely different in a relationship.

I'm sure it's not all gloom and doom though. Many many people meet someone great through OLD - otherwise those sites wouldn't be in business.

But - as you've already done - the ability to say "next!" is key to navigating.

Keep us up to date.



"The Land of the Misfit Toys"?! Oh dear... lol...I do want to meet someone. This is just a distraction, fun. And If anything, you make a friend. If it's a match, great. You'll never know if you don't leave the house. I've always got safety in mind, so an afternoon coffee meet up outside & in public, is my thing. Meeting people organically is great! However it happens, if it's meant to be it will be.

Guys that have separated as their status, I won't talk too. I agree with you there. If they msg I politely decline engaging in any conversation with them.

Will keep posting for sure. smile


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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Originally Posted by kml
The key is, it's not really online dating, it's online MEETING. It's just a mechanism for meeting people that are available for a relationship, that's all. It has pros and cons. Cons are they aren't vetted by your friends (or in Andrew's case, his barber!). Pros are you can learn a bit about them beforehand that you might not know if you met them at a party (like incompatible political leanings, smoking habits, spelling ability, musical tastes) and that can help you eliminate some people that you know you wouldn't be a match with.

Honestly, at my age meeting "organically" just doesn't really happen. I've met a grand total of one date in 11 years that way - Mr Big Lots, who picked me up when shopping in Big Lots. And while he was (and still is!) extremely handsome, he was in most other ways not a match - and I probably would have picked that up even earlier if I had met him online.


So true! OLMeeting, not dating! Time to rebrand things right! Yes, I do enjoy reading the profiles. And I wonder what my "competition" looks like? ..lol...I'm dying to see how other women present themselves. I'm just me smile


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by CanBird
I put myself out there into the online dating world. Anyone else have stories to share?
I have all kinds of stories. What are you interested in because I have them all?
Originally Posted by CanBird
So far I've gone on 1 coffee date. That was a warm up & no connection for me.

This is very common if you have standards and know your value,. Most of the time there is no connection or interest in another date.
Originally Posted by CanBird
He didn't look like his picture and some of his profile didn't match what he said in person.

Very common. Accept the reality of it and move on.
Originally Posted by CanBird
Oh well. 25 mins lost.

Lost or were you lucky to get out of the house and meet someone new.
Originally Posted by CanBird
Bachelor #2 meet up will be this wknd. I asked him to meet for coffee.

Interesting you asked him for coffee. Do you normally take the lead?
Originally Posted by CanBird
We'd been on a site chatting, exchanged numbers & have been texting. I want to see if there's any connection. What's the point in chatting more if you're not sure. It's just coffee. Well see.

Exactly. No expectations.

I will get hammered for this if Donnie H stops by but I still think OLD is the best way to meet new people you just have to temper your expectations and be patient. It is a numbers game especially when you know your value and won't settle.



Hi LH19. I'm mainly interested in stories of how people are doing with OLD now, during Covid. It's a got to be a whole different game now.

But really, people are people. Either you connect or you don't. I feel that way about anyone. Some friends I click with more than others. If I enjoy there company, I'll see them again. If my instincts say, TAP OUT, then I do.

I would say that meeting someone I don't connect with isn't always a total loss. I did gain some insight, from a male prospective on how OLD was going for him. However, when someone misrepresents who they are, and I know it happens, I feel like I never would have come in the first place if they were more truthful.

This time around, with Bachelor#2, I set up the coffee date. I want to see what this guy is all about, or not. We've been chatting for a few weeks, so... it's time to meet face to face. I think sometimes you have to take the lead, when you're ready to move forward. Otherwise you're just in this holding pattern of waiting.... and waiting.... and wondering. Maybe he's a shy guy? I don't know? I do like when a guy takes the lead, but it's okay if I do to.

No expectations. Sit, sip and see.

I think meeting people in whatever way is comfortable for you is what works best. I got on to see what's out there. I'm a single mom, LBS. (XH is MLC/WAS) I don't go to bars looking for love, that single's scene was long ago. And with Covid, .. just seems like OLD is an easy, and fun way to chat with other singles, and whatever happens, happens. I'm always up for my friends setting me up too.

You said it best:

Originally Posted by LH19
..you just have to temper your expectations and be patient. It is a numbers game especially when you know your value and won't settle.




Cheers to getting out there smile


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 715
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Originally Posted by Georgiabelle
Hi CanBird,

I havenít been on here in a while and I decided to read your thread. Divorce is difficult (itís been almost 7 years and I still struggle with calling myself divorced or a single mom. I feel like a cliche, but I also act like one on occasion). Iím sure you struggle with how this affects your D. My story with my ex h is quite interesting as well, but thatís not the time for that. Youíve received some great advice and this is a fantastic community.

Iíve heard many horror stories with OLD, however, that was not my experience. I met many fun, good people-just nothing long term resulted. I also donít attach many expectations to OLD other than Iíll go and have a good time. And that has worked well for me. I think perspective is key with dating in general. Not sure I buy the numbers game theory, and meeting people organically can be a struggle as well.

I only went on one coffee date but I hear many say those generally never seem to vibe. I did meet many funny, interesting people so Iím grateful for that. Hang in there :-)





Hi Georgiabelle. Divorce is difficult. It rocks our whole world, and our kids too. I'm sorry to hear you struggle with calling yourself divorced or a single mom. I get it, but you know what, it is what it is right? Be YOU. That is what you call your self! Georgiabelle! Don't let the boxes on forms define who YOU are. xo

My story is still unfolding. Thank goodness slowly. My D4 is pretty good, although she has her moments. She's use to her dad not being around, because he's always worked away from home for long periods of time.(6 months; no visits). It's all she has ever known her whole life. Yeah, that's a whole other story.

I think getting back into the dating world is daunting no matter how you do it. My father, widowed 9 yrs ago, got online when he was 69. He was only married to my mom, his high school sweetheart. So imagine that! He had NO idea what dating was like in the 20th century! . Now he's happy with his current lady, who lives with him. (There were a few in between..lol..)

Right now, coffee dates work for me. Just meeting someone. And we'll see where it goes, or not. smile

*You hang in there too mama! xo *


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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