I know that’s why you said what you said Steve85. But what I did today was not NGS or pursuit. I told her I won’t pay extra for the kids life insurance either she can take it out of the child support. I did it because it was the right thing to do and I’m not trying to have her fight me for more money before we fill out the financials on the D papers. If I get into it now over 450$ it will cost me much later. I chose my battle not about pursuing at all.
Clearly you don't know why I said what I said. First she snaps her fingers by texting and you jump. Start texting her back. Why? Then you call her? Why why? Then you ask her about crying even when she gives you an excuse. Why why why? Then you offer her money? Why why why why?
Steve, this woman is a lying cheating manipulator. She had cheated on you multiple times, left you, and yet she still manipulates you. And you allow it. And I know you do it because you love her but sometimes people cannot be fixed or changed.
I fell for a girl years ago. She turned out to be a lesbian. No matter what I could have done to prove myself to her, guess what, we weren't going to be together! I fell for another woman that didn't believe in traditional male-female relationships. Dave thing, no matter how much I cared about her she wasn't going to open up to a love relationship with me. I'm on record here multiple times about a decades long on again off again relationship I had with a girl that just couldn't see me as more than a friend. No matter what I did that was all she was ever going to see me as.
This woman is incapable of being in a loving, committed relationship with you. She a liar. She's a cheater. She's a manipulator. And she's does all this with no concern for how it makes you feel. That is sociopathic. That means that she is incapable of caring about anyone but herself. Ask yourself what kind of mother she has been through all of this? A mother that prioritizes her kids above everything else? Or a mother that prioritizes herself over her kids?
Steve_, you have to move on with your life. You need to prioritize your kids first, yourself second, and this woman not even in the list! Go dark. LRT. Follow the rules of that strictly. Stand up for yourself and quit being spineless with this woman. Find your inner strength, be respect yourself and stop letting her walk all over you.
That is all I got for your Steve_. You haven't DB'd a minute in your situation. Or followed a shred of advice. And that's why you continue to struggle and are stuck. Find your self-esteem and move forward.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yeah. Something happened a little while ago that really made me realize how damn stupid I have been. I was sitting at the table doing my finances. Trying to work things out. After I take everything I got in my life scrape it off and start over if I work my ass off I can have about 1300 a month to spare when it’s all said and done. I’m 36 got two college degrees and I’m starting over again with our two babies. The quality of life I was able to give them before went to close 10% of that. I stopped thinking so much today about what she’s doing and started thinking about what she is doing to me. She called me 4 times I haven’t answered. She sent me a picture of her walking and I didn’t answer. She told me I look so good, I didn’t answer. Not because I’m pissed, not because I want her to miss me. I didn’t answer her because she left me for a friend and she is betraying and destroying her family and me and our kids and I can’t even stand to talk to her. Her mom offered to pay $1700 for bunk beds I can’t do that. I will get something cheap on amazon. It’s crazy, every single person I tell the story to that is a friend including the things I did wrong tells me that she’s just not a good person. It [censored] but like DBing says, consistent actions = change and my consistent actions equal attachment and NGS, and hers = a wayward wife who doesn’t give a single F what damage this is doing. The longer I protect her from it the worse it gets. I’ve decided not to tell everyone, I’ve decided to just shoulder it and move forward. But I really won’t help her anymore. I won’t fight with her. I’ll just leave her alone and worry about me. Today standing in the furniature store with her mom and looking for a bed for my kids, knowing the hardships ahead just hit me. She doesn’t care anymore and she’s not coming back. Only a totally selfish and heartless person could do this, I used to think she was an amazing woman and an amazing mother. I don’t think that anymore. I’m sorry Steve you have given a lot of effort on my sitch. I am going to take you guys serious from now on. It was never about some magic thing working, it was about realizing how messed up this is and valuing myself, don’t give up on me yet you guys, it’s been tough but I’ll get there. I don’t even want to speak to her anymore I look at her now and her beauty and charm looks like a diseased creature of sin. F her. I was so nice and she still left me. What an idiot. I will admit your advice seemed to hard to do, like it wouldn’t work like i need to show her that love her and she was wrong about me. Again, what an idiot.
Last edited by Steve_; 11/03/2003:15 AM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
You've repeated this phrase in several posts. Please note that she's a lying cheater. One consequence is that there's no reason to believe she's put everything on the table, nor that what she put out there is true.
Originally Posted by Steve
She called me 4 times I haven’t answered. She sent me a picture of her walking and I didn’t answer. She told me I look so good, I didn’t answer. Not because I’m pissed, not because I want her to miss me. I didn’t answer her because she left me for a friend and she is betraying and destroying her family and me and our kids and I can’t even stand to talk to her.
Anger? Good job not answering her calls and working to get a place of your own. You have been unable to resist the long talkies (always "final"). I'm rooting for you to maintain this one. Often WAS trying to keep their hook in will dig and dig to find an excuse (e.g. "urgent", "for the kids") to break your resolve. Space is good for detachment. Detach enough, and she may worry about losing her easy-to-manipulate ex and her plan b. You say she has come back after affairs before. I hope you realize what you are writing about her, and starting to get even if she came back the answer should probably be no unless and until she proved herself changed (e.g., not being "nice" because she has "nowhere to go" while she "tries" to work on changes.) It's a hard road just ahead, but you sound like a good person, deserving a good partner.
I put the kids picture of them fishing on my profile pic. OM was still Facebook friends and the dude put a heart reaction on it. It set me off. Then the wife called and texted asking why i was asleep and the kids are awake. They were lying to get her to come home. I pretty much said. “ Look, I’m done. Tell him to leave me alone. I blocked him and i don’t want him around me. I loved you a lot and I should have got over things and gave you my best, I’ve done everything i can for you and now I’m just done, so from now on please stop calling me, texting me or talking to me unless it’s about the kids or an emergency. I need you to respect that. Thanks.”
I’m not backing down here. Doing this limbo crap is crushing me I need to let go. She needs to know to stop the games. It had to be done. I’m going radio silence. I probably won’t have much of an update for awhile but if anything changes I’ll let you guys know.
Last edited by Steve_; 11/03/2008:14 AM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Steve stop babbling about your psychopath [censored] of a wife. That up there is the ONLY thing that should really consume your time for the next few weeks.
Last edited by Mumin; 11/03/2008:34 AM.
Me: 34 Stbxw: 30 D:5 D:3 Mini bd: May/June 2019 Married: Aug 2019 BD: 6th Dec 2019 OM Confirmed: Feb 2020 March 2020: I filed for D Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Yep your right. It defiantly hurts that she wants to spend time with OM more than the kids. She wanted months away. I even found a note book the other day of all the stuff she wrote for him to his wife detailing the ins and outs of his divorce. They planned on having the kids at the same time so they can spend 3 days a week together with no kids. I took photos of it and saved in in case I need it for a layer some day. These two have planned this out for months and destroyed both our families. My poor kids don’t even know what hit them. Except his kids will they are like 6, 11, 13. Or something. Great kids too. These two people are just sick. Anyways I doubt much will be going on now that I’m just gonna focus on the kids and moving out. I’ll update if anything worth noting occurs.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
I’m just gonna focus on the kids and moving out. I’ll update if anything worth noting occurs.
This.
Get to the place where all the rest (what she is doing, planning, has planned) is white noise.
It's hard reading your journal, we have all been there man and are routing for you to claw out this pschological ditch.
Trust what the heavy weight vets are saying, don't disregard or lose their interest. No more telling us what you should be doing - Just do it and tell us the results later.
I'm following your sitch S. I look forward to reading about your personal success around true detachment, you have been given the tools, knowledge and support.
No more snooping and no more finding journals, it only hurts you.
Take the step up out of this muddy, stagnant ditch.
Hi Steve. I’m neffer. I’ve been following the forum from the shadows because of work. I needed to login in to tell you something. DBing is for yourself, we don’t care about your STBXW. You should be doing the same.
Listen to what everybody is saying. Get DB remedy and keep it as a treasure. Changes must happen on the only thing you can control: yourself.
So stand up for yourself and your kids. Face reality with dignity. You need to be the role model for your kids to follow. Respect yourself.
We are all team Steve here. You need to be into that team too.
Keep posting your updates: YOUR updates.
Be strong man. It gets better and it depends on you. Be there!
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
I even found a note book the other day of all the stuff she wrote for him to his wife detailing the ins and outs of his divorce.
You're likely to discover new lies and deceit as long as you dig for it.
Originally Posted by Steve
Anyways I doubt much will be going on now..
How much you focus on her daily dramas is a choice. I bet her drama will continue for some time.
Originally Posted by Steve
that I’m just gonna focus on the kids and moving out.
That would be a great choice!!
Originally Posted by Steve
I’ll update if anything worth noting occurs.
Notable--Steve not engaging in talkies, Steve working on making the new apartment happen and a great home for his kids, Steve spending time on GAL activities like fitness, hobbies, friends, and education. Not notable - How ex-wife claims to feel about OM each day, how much ex-wife likes your choices.
