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A Message from Michele
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Re: See it for what it is [Re: Indy470] #2907545
11/03/20 04:59 PM
11/03/20 04:59 PM
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Indy470 Offline OP
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Indy470  Offline OP
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Brside,

I think you can drop the rope and still not file for D. I am moving on with my life though.

and haha yes I agree LH has been very direct, something I've come to appreciate.

Re: See it for what it is [Re: Indy470] #2907548
11/03/20 05:09 PM
11/03/20 05:09 PM
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MrBrside Offline
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Originally Posted by Indy470
Brside,

I think you can drop the rope and still not file for D. I am moving on with my life though.



I'm not sure how you are moving on with your life. It's one thing to be married, while you wait for the divorce to go through.. Its another thing to be married but have no intetion of filing, while WW has her fun and games. Again - to me this comes back to respect..

In my sitch, the worse time was the 3 months between seperating and her moving out - We were in limbo. On the day she finally moved, it was amazing - freedom.

Why would you not want that ? - i'll answer it for you - becuase you are happy to wait in line as Plan B, and be there for WW once she realises the mistake she made...


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
Re: See it for what it is [Re: Indy470] #2907549
11/03/20 05:16 PM
11/03/20 05:16 PM
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 274
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Indy470 Offline OP
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Indy470  Offline OP
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Brside,

I understand your point of view on it.

Me and my wife are separated and have been for months.


For me getting on with my life means, making my own decisions, doing the things that I want and giving myself the release to make decisions solely based on what I want. I do feel a lot of freedom.

You can answer that question for me, but it doesn't make it my answer.

My answer is I do want that freedom and I have that freedom now.
I'm not sitting around waiting on my WW. As i've said I've come to accept my current reality.

Last edited by Indy470; 11/03/20 05:17 PM.
Re: See it for what it is [Re: Indy470] #2907550
11/03/20 05:17 PM
11/03/20 05:17 PM
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LH19 Offline
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Ok gentlemen I will intervene here.

Indy was does moving on with your life mean?

Indy again we are looking out for you here and are trying to prevent you from serious trouble down the road when kids may be involved.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: See it for what it is [Re: Indy470] #2907551
11/03/20 05:20 PM
11/03/20 05:20 PM
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Indy470 Offline OP
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LH,

For me getting on with my life means, making my own decisions, doing the things that I want and giving myself the release to make decisions solely based on what I want. I do feel a lot of freedom.


I know you guys are looking out for me LH and I appreciate it.

Im just answering Brsides questions honestly here. No hard feelings. Im open to 2x4's and other points of view on my sitch. I think all of it helps.


I think the different points of views really really help.

Re: See it for what it is [Re: Indy470] #2907552
11/03/20 05:31 PM
11/03/20 05:31 PM
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LH19 Offline
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Do you have a date in mind when enough is enough?


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: See it for what it is [Re: Indy470] #2907559
11/03/20 06:14 PM
11/03/20 06:14 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,199
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Steve85 Offline
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Indy, if you're morally opposed to divorce to the point where you can never file, then I can respect that. I myself could only file if a) there was a PA, or b) I reached a point where I could no longer wait for her.

If you are so morally opposed to D that you would never file yourself then I suggest you hold fast to that. Now is not the time to go back on core principles.


M(51), W(52),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: See it for what it is [Re: Indy470] #2907560
11/03/20 06:14 PM
11/03/20 06:14 PM
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Posts: 2,530
Missouruh
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Missouruh
Indy,

Brside and LH definitely have great perspectives here and I am still learning when they post.

I was in your shoes. I still don't have the answer as to how one is detached and moving on with life while still hoping to bust the divorce. Maybe it's because I was never completely detached. For me, maybe that was never going to happen. Until you're ready to file, you're not ready. It is what it is. One day you'll figure it out, but this is not some tactile goal where you can just go throw yourself at it and then you have the thing built and that's it.

Something I keep thinking about (and writing in my journal I just started a few weeks ago) is being "core me". I keep writing that "core me" is:

1. Discipline (gym, business, etc)
2. PMA (positive mental attitude)
3. Confidence, smile, posture
4. Speak properly

These are the areas where I put my effort in to get the good mojo flowing.

You seem to be taking all the advice well, that's good.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Re: See it for what it is [Re: Indy470] #2907562
11/03/20 06:17 PM
11/03/20 06:17 PM
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Gigi123 Offline
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Can i pitch in here, as i have been thinking recently when is enough enough? When do i stop waiting and file myself?
Its so against everything i believe in, but at one point or another i will need finality. Its been over 7 months. Is a year a reasonable time? Is 18 months? Nothing has changed beaides the fact that H os more stable and looks like finally sorting his life out, i.e renting a place to live.
Am i waiting for me? Or the children? They are rather confused about the whole thing to be honest. Indy you dont have kids, which is so great in your sitch. They are a rather complicated and sensitive subject when it comes to separations.

Do you love your wife? I mean really truly? I for one no longer know if i do.....i have some tender memories, but i despise what he did to our family so much, although i dont feel angry when i see him anymore. And i dont know if i can forgive him for what he deprived our children of.

What is a reasonable time?

Re: See it for what it is [Re: Indy470] #2907573
11/03/20 08:12 PM
11/03/20 08:12 PM
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LH19 Offline
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So Indy below is my mantra on how I live my life. I read this at least one a day.

“A true alpha’s state of mind is one of indifference, charm, humor, humility, courage and a belief that eventually, things will work out in their favor. Alphas set, keep and hold other people accountable to their boundaries. They stand up for what they believe in and don’t compromise their principles or values for anyone. They have an emotionally compelling vision of what kind of life and lifestyle they want to create and then resolve to pay the price, no matter how long it takes to make it a reality.”

So in relationships moving forward for me infidelity is a boundary. You cheat you're out. No exceptions. In friendships if you are not loyal and do not have my back you are out. No exceptions. I will never ever again try to convince someone to be in my life who doesn't want to be there.

I think you need to figure out what are your principles and values. If it's monogamy then that needs to be a boundary and cannot be compromised for anyone and you need to stand up for what you believe in.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
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