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Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity #2 #2906667
10/25/20 04:00 AM
10/25/20 04:00 AM
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cardinal Offline OP
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Previous thread: Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity

Very quick recap: BD June 2019; M nearly 11 years, T 17. Roommates: H turns to monster mode off and on—he told me he was filing last year but never did, then said it again in July, when he also told be he had OW. Finally served papers at my work today (would have been a surprise but a co-worker was able to give me a heads up). H had his friend serve me the papers (crumpled up, folded crookedly, without an envelope), and—another surprise—he filed for an annulment, not a dissolution of marriage, because he says our SSM was a fraud. Like, he literally checked the "fraud" box as a reason. Niiiice. I'm entering the next phase of this saga, but I'm ready for it. I need to stick to my thread title and continue to look toward my values.

Originally Posted by DnJ
Originally Posted by DnJ
Believe in yourself. You’ve no need to convince or prove anyone else’s point of view wrong or right.


A timely reminder, DnJ.

Originally Posted by cardinal

I was fine with no courtesy heads up. I was fine with being served at work unnecessarily.


Originally Posted by Sage4
Because you are strong. And you know it.

Yes, I am! Another timely reminder.

Originally Posted by Sage4
This will not matter to you in two years' time. This is not part of the business transaction. Let this one go. If they don't recognize your side, they are not worthy of your time. (And a 2x4: you don't actually know this to be true, you are projecting it. Let others' opinions go right now so you can save your strength for you.)

I wish I was projecting, but H has told me many times exactly what he tells his friends and exactly what they think of me/our situation. But, yeah, why should I take his words as truth? And why should I care what these people think? They don't know me, and what they think doesn't matter. (Also, boundary: if H ever again tries to tell me what his friends think or what he told so-and-so: NOPE, won't listen to that.)

Originally Posted by cardinal
But now that he thinks he can magically erase our M with an annulment the way he has erased and rewritten it in his memory, I’m not fine.


Originally Posted by Sage4
What if there was another truth here in place of the one you suggest above? What if H is simply a selfish, lying sonofagun who doesn't want to pay you what you deserve and doesn't want to acknowledge that he has spent all that savings in the account he won't show you? What if this is simply a business transaction for H, a shady one for sure, but isn't about erasing your M, but more about not wanting to give you what you deserve post-M?

He is entitled and thinking only of himself.

Please allow this fact to give yourself permission to also only think of yourself. Because no one but you (and us!) are going to look out for you right now.


Your words are really helping me to begin to shift my thinking, Sage; thank you. I really think it's both that it's a complete business transaction for him, and he doesn't want to have to give me anything, and that he also wants our M never to have happened, but as the anger has worked its way through me, I've been able to feel some compassion for him here. I think, in part, he's gotten worse and worse (angrier and angrier, less and less rational) over the last year+ because he's had to push down a tiny realization of his part in all this. He's always built his identity on being a nice guy, a sensitive guy--a guy unlike "other guys." He's also always pushed down feelings. He's been completely incapable of expressing or sitting with his feelings. He's got to sublimate this M and our history and any feelings around it like he does everything else that's hard to deal with in his life, including looking at himself. What a horrible way to live! He's excellent at pushing stuff down and ignoring it, but either it's all going to catch up with him again, and he's going to have to work through the choices he's made (super hard), or he's going to keep pushing it down, and that's going to take a toll on him (super awful).

So far I can say I don't have any huge regrets about the choices I've made post-BD, in that I have, for the most part, acted according to my values. (Do I sort of regret giving H an apology letter early on? Probably, but I also know that was in line with my values—to admit shortcomings, to at least try to make amends. Do I regret trying to engage him convo a few months ago as if he was rational? Yes! But I didn't say anything too terrible.) Now, maybe H does have a personality disorder and will never see anything he's done as unkind because he's incapable of doing so. But deep down I suspect that he's burying a lot of shame, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Originally Posted by Sage4
It took my very Catholic aunt YEARS to get a legal annulment for her M, and both parties were cooperative and desiring an annulment for religious reasons, therefore working together tirelessly to get the state to agree. And she lived in a conservative state. I believe you live in a liberal one where there is a lot of money and high-stakes divorces. This is a very, very, very hard path to take and another indication of what kind of L your H has retained.

I'm so glad you shared this, Sage! Part of the result of the gaslighting is that I'm like, well, maybe H is right, maybe this M was so bad it deserves to be annulled. Even though I know this is actually a crazy move.

Originally Posted by Sage4
A long-term goal is to trust yourself, your memories and know in your beliefs. If, in the short term, you have to ask others for validation, that's OK. You are reclaiming your sanity and sometimes we just need lighthouses to help guide us into the harbor.

Yes, yes, yes. I know I've come a long way, but seeing that he'd actually marked "Annulment" on the forms today was so, so triggering. H tells everyone about SSM (again, I realize he likely has some shame around this too and so has to loudly turn it into my thing in order to offload it)—it's like in his dreams I'm sitting in a courtroom telling everyone I'm a bad wife, and the judge says, "Oh, my god, you poor man, of course you don't owe her anything!" I was immediately put on the defensive again, where I have to do the opposite of DnJ's advice: I have to prove why I deserve a D and not an annulment, that our marriage was real regardless of type or amount of sex, etc etc. I have to remember that just because H marked that box and his L was okay with it doesn't mean I have to prove our M was real to H or anyone. I need to just trust myself to believe the truth. There's something about seeing it on court forms that pushed me hard into that mode again.

Anyway, I'm so glad I could come here and vent today. I've never felt it in my body like that in my life. I was like, okay, I need Wayfarer's rage room, and I need it now! smile

I need to transition fully to business mode. There's no point in trying to reason with H; let L deal with him. No kids, no big assets, no home ownership, and the law is clear on pension division even if H doesn't like it. I keep thinking, What issues do we have that he could waste money to fight for the long haul? I know he can draw things out by not doing anything, but... how complicated can he manage to make a pretty straightforward D? Maybe don't answer that.

Oooh, one other thought: I've been thinking of writing MIL a little note for a while now. Nothing to do with H or D, even though I would like to have that conversation some day maybe. The last I heard from her was pre-COVID, when she texted to say she will always love me. We haven't spoken since BD. One thing that helped me feel calmer tonight was just the idea of taking my anger and turning it into love; I decided I'd like to go through with mailing her a note telling her I think of her often and that she is loved, no reply needed. Should I sit on this for a while? Bad idea? Honestly, I'm kind of done caring what H would think of this.


T: 16 M:10
BD 6/2019
Re: Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity #2 [Re: cardinal] #2906676
10/25/20 08:04 AM
10/25/20 08:04 AM
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may22 Offline
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Hi Cardinal,

I’m on my phone and am terrible at a lot of typing on this so will need to be short. But... first...

(((Cardinal)))

Omg. What an @ss. (I mean, what a duck.) this whole thing, the way he is handling it, shows how lost and ridiculous he is right now. If you are untangling a business relationship with this clown, honey, you are soooooo in the driver’s seat.

And of course I’m googling fraud and annulment in California and it is a JOKE that he thinks he can do this. First off, if fraud is the reason, the statute of limitations is 4 years from finding out the “fraud”. Explain to me how he tells a judge about your 17 year relationship and 10 year marriage and can, with a straight face, claim fraud. Honestly, from a business perspective this is probably good for you because he’s showing his cards and is clearly insane and greedy and just a real piece of work. No judge will take him seriously and his L is just mining his sad @ss for dollars. My guess is you’ll come out better than if he acted like as adult in the first place

You really sound so strong and awesome with your job(s) and everything... I’m so proud of you. Make your own rage room!! Rip something up or smash an old glass. (I tried this but sadly only chipped a mug after throwing it TWICE into the sink. Not exactly what I had imagined!!)

Re your MIL— do what your heart tells you. I have spoken a few times to my MIL 1-1 and I’m glad I did. I would have been okay just speaking my piece to her though, no response needed, and I sense the same for you. If you think it would be hard if she wasn’t supportive in some way, then avoid it. Only reach out if it serves you no matter what.

Hugs, C. We are all here for you. xoxo M


Me (45) H (41)
M:13 T:17, D8 & D10
4/19 BD #1 ILYB
8/19 BD #2 Long-distance EA
12/19 BD #3 Actually 2 year PA
2-5/20 R attempt #1
6-7/20 limbo again, back in contact with AP
8/20-present R attempt #2
Re: Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity #2 [Re: cardinal] #2906685
10/25/20 01:55 PM
10/25/20 01:55 PM
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DnJ Offline
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Good Morning cardinal

Oh my goodness. He checked the box - fraud. Lol. Sometimes you just need to see the humorous side of things. Although it is simultaneously quite sad for him. Imagine trying to erase your own past. He is a lost soul.

His friends that he “tells all”. Yeah, of course they will agree with him. Emotionally troubled people, especially MLCers, surround themselves with enablers, people who feed his side. These are usually “new friends”, one’s who really understand them, unlike us and our old would be friends. <Barf> Lol. These people will get the boot as soon as they don’t play along with H’s fantasy.

Originally Posted by cardinal
(Also, boundary: if H ever again tries to tell me what his friends think or what he told so-and-so: NOPE, won't listen to that.)

Good!

Rock solid boundaries.

You are spot on with H. You know him best, only second to himself. Yes, he is pushing down the shame and guilt, which makes things worse and worse for him. Of course he cannot see or acknowledge that in the state he is in. He needs to run, until he tires and the pain becomes so great that he realizes maybe running isn’t the answer.

I am glad to see you understand his projection of his part in the SSM onto you. MLCers will use (abuse ?) the legal system to their advantage. Him alleging fraud has little financial significance, and stands basically no chance of becoming a binding agreement. But, it gives him a feeling of legitimacy to his feeling by seeing it on legal documents.

My XW threw away her children on the legal documents; not just once but twice. There was no need to state that again with the divorce check box sheet submission; was an addendum to the paperwork. It was just her projections upon the kids and me.

And you are correct on how seeing our situations in print is different. Having this on court documents does have a different feel to it. Makes it more real, seeing your name and H’s, and the proposal. It does emotionally push one about. Takes a few days to regain your balance.

H is irrational and deeply enthralled in his fantasy. I agree with you, there is no negotiating with him, nor much need too. Let your L handle things.

Regarding writing MIL. Sit on it for a bit. You will feel different in a few days. Write because you are doing it for more than something you are feeling.

To encourage and challenge:

MIL is not your family. If you get divorced, she is H’s mom. Do you see her and you continuing a relationship? XW’s side, her aunt and family, all said they loved me and the kids. We were welcome anytime, etc., etc. Well, blood is thicker than water. There no contact from them at all. Not to me. Not to the kids (and they are blood related). Divorce is messy and there are collateral damages.

On the other side, MIL is not your family. Her and you are, were, friends. Perhaps a friendship is wanted on both sides. There is nothing wrong with that, aside from the obvious concerns regarding H’s interference and influence. He is her son. And Mom’s love unconditionally. Well...most do; XW is a strange one.

Originally Posted by cardinal
I decided I'd like to go through with mailing her a note telling her I think of her often and that she is loved, no reply needed.

I’d remove the “no reply needed”.

If she wants to respond, it appears you’d rather she doesn’t. And in truth I think you’d like a response, but fear what she might say. Face it and fear not.

D


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
Re: Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity #2 [Re: cardinal] #2906686
10/25/20 03:44 PM
10/25/20 03:44 PM
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bttrfly Offline
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First: hugs, mad and massive amounts of hugs.

Second: As others have said, separate all emotion from this portion of the show. You have now entered the phase where you are dissolving a business partnership gone awry. Get. A. Lawyer. Refer everything stbx says to your lawyer. Do not engage. Ask the lawyer what you're entitled to. Ask to have stbx pay legal fees. Go for absolutely everything you are entitled to and settle for what makes sense to you, knowing that post D your stbx could and may not honor any agreements. You've been married over 10 years. You are entitled legally. It's not his decision, it's the law's.

In terms of the emotions, let them out in a safe place when he's not around. Be gentle with yourself.


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16
When God gives you a new beginning don't repeat the same old mistakes. It's 2020, anything could happen; eat dessert first!!!!
Re: Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity #2 [Re: cardinal] #2906688
10/25/20 03:51 PM
10/25/20 03:51 PM
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(((Cardinal)))... Yep...the rewriting of history is pretty stunning sometimes. But it is what they have to do to feel “good” about what they are doing. It has nothing to do with you or what you know to be the reality. No marriages are perfect. SSM’s happen (most of the time) when one or both spouses stop “dating” each other. It happened in my marriage even though my H and I were very compatible in that regard and had a great sex life in the beginning. But after we had kids and they became the focus, we (notice I said “we” and not “I”) stopped paying attention to our relationship and our sex life was the first casualty. I remember being very aware of it at the time and feeling responsible for it even though it wasn’t like he was trying to initiate anything and I was rejecting him. That rarely, if ever happened. When we did have sex, I would remind myself “Oh yeah...I do like sex” and resolve to not let too much time pass before it happened again. Then I would blink and weeks had passed. And then the last four years...he was essentially gone so it became a moot point. You can’t have sex with a ghost. Anyway...when BD happened, I blamed myself for this part but realistically, it was a two-way street and we were both responsible for letting it happen. I feel better about my part knowing that at least I didn’t abandon him and my kids to another “secret” life. I was in it for better or for worse and I can hold my head up high in that regard. He cannot.

Fast forward two years and I am in a new relationship and we have a great connection that way. We are both loyal and honest people and have learned a lot from our previous relationships and we talk about things XH and I never talked about...directly and honestly. That bodes well for the future, I think. Time will tell but I just want to encourage you to move forward as best you can and don’t take too much responsibility for the demise of your marriage. He had a big part to play and unlike you, he decided to fix things by cheating and lying. You, too, can hold your head up high.

RE: MIL. Yes it is a fine line to walk and one I have been walking for awhile. XH lied to his mom as much as he lied to me for all those years and treated her like crap. She consistently went to me if she needed to ask him something because he would snap at her. He had all of us walking on egg shells. When BD first happened and she found out about his affair and all of his lies, her response was to tell me that I am better off without him. She wasn’t wrong. I am in a unique position because she and I own our home together and she lives in a suite in the lower level. She helps me with the kids and is a support. BUT...she is XH’s mom and he is her only child and a mom’s love is unconditional so they still spend time together and she has accepted OW as his partner. That was initially a bitter pill to swallow but I’m over it. My relationship with her is separate from her relationship with XH and OW. No matter what, I am still the mother of her grandchildren so OW will not and has not replaced me. We have a friendship that stands on its own. She still joins me and the kids for family dinners and has Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with us and my sister and BIL as well as XH and OW. She also LOVES my new boyfriend as she thinks he is the kind of person that I deserve to have in my life.

If you want to have a relationship with your MIL, you should reach out to her. But other than acknowledging the end of your relationship and maybe your regret that things turned out the way they did, you should avoid talking about her son and his OW. That’s a path you don’t need or want to go down. It would make things awkward and ultimately, if you force her to choose sides, she will have to go with her son. My MIL and I rarely talk about XH. We don’t need to. She knows the truth (she witnessed it firsthand) but she also loves her son and she is in her 80s and needs her life to be peaceful and drama-free so she has chosen to forgive and forget. I do not fault her for that in the least as I’m sure it is what I would do if I were her.

Anyway...I know things are really hard right now Cardinal. I promise you that once you have the business of your divorce over with, your healing will go much quicker. There IS life after divorce and it can be a great one if you make it that way. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity #2 [Re: bttrfly] #2906689
10/25/20 03:52 PM
10/25/20 03:52 PM
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Cardinal,

I am so very sorry. I agree w/all of the posters. Make every attempt to separate your emotions from this situation and look at all of it as a business contract that has soured and now you need to move forward and dissolve the situation the best way that you can. Seek a good lawyer, make a list of questions and ask them. Take notes and keep all info to yourself and do not share anything that you have been told by your lawyer. I agree w/bttrfly...you are entitled legally and it is the law and not his decision. The law will state exactly what needs to be done and how it's done.

Come here to vent, be gentle w/yourself and yes, you will have ups and downs while going through this process. Trust your gut and if you aren't sure of something, ask your lawyer or even come here...we will listen and offer advice as many of us have been where you are right now.

Hang in there!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity #2 [Re: cardinal] #2906818
10/27/20 03:22 PM
10/27/20 03:22 PM
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wooba Offline
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wow cardinal. You've entered the crazy territory......I can't believe your H did that.

hopefully one day you will be able to look back and laugh at it.

I don't really talk to my MIL anymore, I'll send here some pics of the boys here and there. In the beginning I had this ideal that we will still be family, but it just somehow doesn't feel that way anymore. There is no value in it for me. Even having her as a "friend" does not contribute to my life in any way.

It's kind of like shedding dead skin. You don't necessarily make the decision for it to go away, it just does.


BD: Sep 2019
H moved out: Oct 2019
3 kids under 12
Re: Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity #2 [Re: cardinal] #2907016
10/29/20 02:53 AM
10/29/20 02:53 AM
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cardinal Offline OP
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bttrfly, may, DnJ, wooba, job, DejaVu, wooba... it was so nice to read your messages. I'm sorry I haven't had the time to reply to them or even write on other threads yet. Even now I am dropping in for some quick encouragement if anyone has more to offer.

I signed a retainer today with one of the Ls I consulted previously. A friend of a good friend had just gone through a long, contentious D and custody battle with a narcissist and recommended this L--she started out with others but fired them and was very happy with her. She didn't recommend anyone in our town. This seemed encouraging to me. I spoke to her again today and updated her on my situation. H's L apparently doesn't specialize in family law but splits time between that and criminal defense and injury law. This L didn't tell me what I wanted to hear--that none of this would go to court in a million years, that we could get H out of the house, etc. etc. She said H's decision is really weird, she never hears about fraud cases, and it doesn't seem that he has any ground. But she also said if he's determined to go to court no matter what, even if it's a waste of time, in the end, I can't control that. She said trying to get him out of the house would cost too much money to be worth it (another L I liked had said a restraining order should be within reach). She said the court doesn't usually award L fees except on an interim basis, even though I make less than him, and I probably wouldn't get help there since I can afford the retainer. In short, she'll work as hard as she can to get him to come to a D agreement, and if we have to go to court because he won't settle, she'll fight for me there.

I'm full of fear, resignation, and dread tonight. People close to me say they think he's expecting I won't stand up for myself. I'm thinking about how free I felt when I decided I wouldn't fight to stay in this house and would leave this state instead, start somewhere anew--that was before I found a job here, which I like, and which tethered me here again. I'm in the situation I didn't want to be in now, feeling backed into a corner, like he's going to try to take my house and pets, or it's going to cost me the savings I've managed to put together over the last year to try to keep them. If I try to find a different place to live, though, it'll cost me just as much in higher rent over the course of a year or so anyway, so maybe it's worth it to fight. But if we end up in court, even if it seems pretty clear that I am at a disadvantage and should get to stay here, there's never a guarantee that would be the outcome.

I know I'm getting way ahead of myself, fearing court and worst-case scenarios before this process has even really begun. I can't summon any strength or confidence. I'm just tired.

And wooba, I totally feel like I've crossed over into crazy territory now that H has done this! job, am I the only person here this has every happened to? I can only shake my head.

I hope I made the right decision with the L. If I had more money, maybe I would have done another consult, but I probably always would have second-guessed a decision this big and strange no matter how many I did.

job, if I've said too much here, please let me know.


T: 16 M:10
BD 6/2019
Re: Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity #2 [Re: cardinal] #2907031
10/29/20 10:16 AM
10/29/20 10:16 AM
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bttrfly Offline
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the good news is every lawyer you consulted with (keep a list) now can not represent your h, should he opt to shop for a different lawyer down the road.

something told me to consult the lawyer my husband ended up using and i really wish I had as it would have a. spiked his guns and b. forced him to find someone who perhaps would not have been so blatantly contentious/after our money. but i will say this: i learned a valuable lesson as a realtor: the type of person you are attracts the type of clients you get. In that regard she was a perfect match for my exh, what was after every red cent. so, not to fan any flames, but to say this: stay aware, be observant. lawyers do not always work for their clients - they are in the business of making money and not all are scrupulous. You have no control over how this unfolds or what the other side does or tries to do, which is the hardest thing I think. Here's the good news: there is something you DO have control over: yourself and how you conduct yourself through this.

Here's what got me through:

1. I spent a very, very long time deciding what really mattered to me and what I really wanted. That included laying out different scenarios - this path if the marriage survived, that path if it didn't. I needed to do that in order to get to the real answer which was that regardless of outcome, what was most important to me 5, 10 or 20 years down the road was that I could look back and say with all honesty that the balance of the time this unfolded I took the high road, I fought for fairness, I made the best decisions for my son's wellbeing that I could out of the miserable options I was given, and I could be proud of my conduct.

Five years out from BD doll and I got what meant the most to me: Yes, I put my son's wellbeing first and conducted myself with grace, dignity and fierce compassion most of the time (remember that exercise of finding your core values? this is exactly why you went through that, so you could apply the core values NOW).

2. Look at the worst case scenario. Stare it down. So what happens if you have to leave your home? Your pets are important to you. You were prepared to leave the state, start over somewhere else, and out of the blue, what happened? You got this job.

Cardinal, there is a lesson - you got this job out of the blue, on one interview, right? I think you said you didn't think you had the qualifications for it at the time?

My dear, the Universe is telling you something. Pay attention, please!!! You've done this once, you can and will be able to do this again, as often as you need to, either there or in another state. You're already being taken care of Cardinal, don't you see? Have faith. Trust and roll with it. In the struggle is the suffering.


In short Cardinal, this is a time of vigilance, but also a time to know that no matter what happens to you, you are going to be ok. You will get through this, and be stronger than you ever thought possible on the other side. You have no idea what the Universe has in store for you, but I guarantee it's beyond your wildest dreams. You just have to get through this first. i don't think the process of turning from a caterpillar to a butterfly is easy or pain-free for the caterpillar, but look at what emerges from the cocoon!!! You're in the cocoon. Many, many blessings.

(on a separate note, finished a bunch of work two days ago on the chicken coop/run aka the Palace as my son's gf calls it. posted it on the chicken board with photos. getting good feedback. i'm certifiable - i took my questionable sewing skills and made curtains for their nest boxes. They have a lovely terracotta thermostat, hanging bunches of herbs from the ceiling of the coop, curtains, linoleum floors, contact paper back wall ... herbs in the nest box - these girls live LARGE. wish you could see it and hang out with them. It would lower your stress level).

xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16
When God gives you a new beginning don't repeat the same old mistakes. It's 2020, anything could happen; eat dessert first!!!!
Re: Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity #2 [Re: cardinal] #2907033
10/29/20 11:40 AM
10/29/20 11:40 AM
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DnJ Offline
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Good Morning cardinal

Yes to what bttrfly said. Have faith, you will get through this, and emerge very well.

Good for you retaining a lawyer. She is correct you cannot control H or whatever irrational idea he decides he wants to act upon. You do control you and how you respond. This is business. Let you L deal with H and his weaselly legal antics.

You see your fear and how far ahead you are looking. Very good by the way to recognize that - it’s a necessary step. Fear is paralyzing and obscures other possibilities by focusing upon the fear-inducing ones. It is possible H will change his mind. I don’t think H doesn’t expects you to stand up to him. I think you didn’t expect to stand up to him either. (((Hugs)))

Don’t back down. Let your L do her job and get you what you’re entitled too. Let her respond with that tack. There is no need to capitulate to H’s wild demands. He might actually be bluffing. He may negotiate. Or he may want to go to court. Don’t fret! Remember a lot of your concerns and fears will not come to pass. Sure, some will, and as they become reality the fear dissipates as the situation moves from imagined to real. And fear moves from irrational response to rational problem solving.

It is good to recognize the worse case scenarios. How about the best case? The likely case? Ensuring you have a complete picture helps alleviate fear. Fear feeds and lives in the dark recesses of our emotions. Shine some light; fear does not look nearly as scary as it was imagined to be.

cardinal, you are a strong person with much confidence. I know that it doesn’t feel that way at this moment.

Have faith.

Walk the path.

Become.

D


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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