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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Hey KitKat,

Glad you're feeling good about the last couple of weeks. Obviously, many of us guessed "meeting new friends" would lead to a sexual relationship in short order. That happens in just about every thread when dating begins, and I don't recall Fireman or myself getting cheered for it, lol. There are real scientific studies out there showing that sex with someone new can help with breakup recovery--it's proof we're desirable AND there are many potential partners as good or better than our ex's in many ways (of course, never in all ways). I hope you can take that good, and avoid the bad (getting prematurely attached to someone when not enough time has not passed for you to address your attachment issues and other areas where more work would allow you to change your perspective and raise your standards to find a partner better for your life and happiness long-term). I am rooting for you, and have appreciated your support as well. Go KitKat!


I realize I have anxious attachment issues. I'm doing the self work there. I am recognizing my flaws and how I can be more proactive at avoiding unnecessary pitfalls.

This entire situation may have a crash landing but I'll be okay to pick myself up and move on... AND yes, this all just proof of life and helping me see things in myself that have been masked from the pain of my H walking out.

I'm a good person... cute, sexy, adorable, adventurous, kind, honest, etc. I'm learning to live with disaapointment and realizing that someone else can see the buried treasure even if my H's eyes are blind to that these days.

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Kk I’m trying but you’re not helping me out. You don’t even know his last name??? Sounds like a country song.

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Originally Posted by KitCat
I'm a good person... cute, sexy, adorable, adventurous, kind, honest, etc.

You get a little and it goes right to your head.

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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Thornton
Originally Posted by LH19
Seriously though we all come here trying to save our marriage. Sometimes we get so overloaded on books, IC, tactics techniques, strategies and forget to live in the moment. It’s certainly not the end of the world the KK got some.


Wolfman got some too ;-)

Dummy didn’t strap on a love glove.



In tears..

But phun aside, its a dangerous game to play KC - You will probably get hurt again.


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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![/quote]I realize I have anxious attachment issues. [/quote]

This is exactly why sleeping with other people will come back to bite you in the ass if you are anxiously attached (codependent). You will get attached "I think I'm falling for one of these guys" and then you will get your heart crushed again.

I'll say it again, broken attracts broken.

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Originally Posted by Thornton
Originally Posted by KitCat
I think I'm falling for one of the guys I met.


^^^ that's what I referring to.


I see your point - symantecs for sure. I will admit to being intrigued but I would never randomly sleep with a guy that didn't at least intrigue me... I need to have some kind of standards!!! smile

I'm 100% cognizant that this ^^^^ is really helping me divert my focus from the implosion of my M and pointing out that life isn't over... its freaking dramatically different. If you granted me 3 wishes I would absolutely choose to save me M. I'm not going to lie or hide that fact. I'm also trying to accept the fact that wishing it back is not going to happen.

smile I feel I'm at a good place... better than I have been for awhile.

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Originally Posted by KitCat

I've been busy meeting new people - but yesterday got stood up for the 3rd time when meeting up for drinks. What the heck. This person was older. Widowed. We chatted some and decided it would be fun to chat in person over drinks. FUN. Then never showed... I had texted to say "hey I'm here and at the bar". NOTHING.


Yeah that's strange. When I was doing the whole OLD thing I had a few that ghosted me in texting, but I don't think I ever got stood up on in in-person meet. 3 times seems really unusual! But you've got to think that if they pull that crap, then it's not someone you want to waste your time with anyway.

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^^^^So all that is helping me think of my H less and less. I'm just focusing on me.


That's not really focusing on you though. That's focusing on a new love interest to replace the old one. Focusing on you would be setting aside the dating for now and doing some soul-searching, sorting out what it is you want in life and healing the wounds from the loss of your M. And in my opinion that step is a must before you can engage in a healthy new romantic relationship. I mean you are an adult and it's your decision, but I would hate to see you get hurt all over again, which can easily happen if you're hasty.

Quote
I think I'm falling for one of the guys I met. I by admission do not have the best communication. Extreme introvert. He talks a lot... a lot... I feel I have been talking. Often times I feel I talk to much when imbibing... but he still feels I'm extremely quiet. [face palm]. While he talks a lot he isn't the best communicator either.


Well, communication is the cornerstone of a great relationship, so this is an area you should definitely work on.

Quote
I think he likes me??? IDK. Thinking this may just end up being a hook up thing... He doesn't really bring up being exclusive, etc. He certainly could be dating others and I've mentioned that I'm just getting out there in life... and still meeting people as I should be. No one should be exclusive this early in the game.


So you got intimate with him, but you are both terrible at communication, you don't even know if he likes you, you don't know if you're exclusive. I think you're setting yourself up to be hurt. I don't care whether you have sex with someone else, I'm not someone who views sex as a sacred act. However, I really do get the sense through your posts that you are struggling with letting go of your H and I'm concerned that you're entering a new R to fill the void left by the old one, and you're rushing into it without knowing what you want, or what the other person wants. Just be very careful.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Originally Posted by Thornton
Originally Posted by LH19
Seriously though we all come here trying to save our marriage. Sometimes we get so overloaded on books, IC, tactics techniques, strategies and forget to live in the moment. It’s certainly not the end of the world the KK got some.


Wolfman got some too ;-)


LOL! He got far more than he bargained for!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by KitCat
I'm a good person... cute, sexy, adorable, adventurous, kind, honest, etc.

You get a little and it goes right to your head.



I've always been a glass half full kind of girl... always picking out the positives.

I get that I'm playing with fire and I'm broken. I will get it put on a tshirt so I come with a warning label. smile

Thanks for the wake up call... the smiles and laughs for a Monday morning during the stress of a pandemic!!! smile

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KC,

You are over the limit by 9 postings. If you see that you are over the limit before I get the opportunity to lock your thread, go ahead and start a new thread and I will come around and lock the "previous" one.

New Thread:

I don't want a divorce II NEW THREAD Pt 25

Last edited by job; 11/17/20 10:03 PM.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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