KC did you watch the video I suggested? It really helped me.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
I know with 100% certainty that COVID is definitely part of whats taking its toll on me. Things I would normally do are NOT happening. Mentally its getting to be a strain. I'm doing what I can on Zoom but its still so isolating. Add in that I'm home alone (S19 at college). So maybe I could make better choices but I wish better choices were available. I'm not trying to make excuses... I'm reaching out to a step sister that I don't know that well and asking to hang out and do something fun... I've been spending the last couple of days trying to figure out what that "fun" is now that its colder what few outdoor events are done and no one is risking in door events.
Hi Kit, just wanted to say that I completely understand how hard this in particular is. I've been careful since all of this started, and I've found very limited ways to GAL, but it's been very hard. Especially after my recently failed R with my H, the whole reality of this is very hard. I have friends I would love to see, a trip I would love to go on, etc., but I just keep trying to find ways to keep myself occupied while still being safe, and that's very limiting.
I'm 40, H is 36. No kids. No infidelity of which I'm aware. Mini BD January 2020 -- not sure if he wants to try anymore BD March 2020 -- separation
I just want to say previously I truly believed that "people were generally good". Meaning most will do the right thing at the right time. I've always had a positive attitude and have overall been a great sideline cheerleader for many. But, after yesterday I'm finding that there's a good many people out there who are douches... LOL.
So I'm keeping busy. My two bff's are in regular contact even if I cannot see them due to pandemic. They always make me laugh even on those hard days.
I've been busy meeting new people - but yesterday got stood up for the 3rd time when meeting up for drinks. What the heck. This person was older. Widowed. We chatted some and decided it would be fun to chat in person over drinks. FUN. Then never showed... I had texted to say "hey I'm here and at the bar". NOTHING. I mean I don't know you. Make up an excuse... my car broke down... my grandson had to go to the ER... but literally ghosted. Who knew people in their 50's did this. I thought we were the generation of sending out thank you cards when people came for a visit (yes, I still do that.). Anyway, no harm no foul. I had a lovely drink and meal in a fun place and took the time to text and get up to date with my son's college adventures. AND, I was out of the house which may again be another luxury lost here as states lock down more. SO - hence my pollyanna view of the world got a huge dent marked in it.
Still overall the app I use still good. I've got 2 new friends. One just prefers chatting but we have face timed so I know I'm not being catfished. The second is an absolute doll but will be leaving to go back to his home country this week. I tease him because he swears he is 47 but seriously looks 27. I'm constantly told I look 35 but I know I'm 51 and I'm a mom of 20yr olds... so I'm very motherly of him... let's get you some dinner, I made you these cookies, I can make you some muffins... LMAO. He's so sweet though. AND, so adorable when he speaks Italian to me.
^^^^So all that is helping me think of my H less and less. I'm just focusing on me.
I think I'm falling for one of the guys I met. I by admission do not have the best communication. Extreme introvet. He talks a lot... a lot... I feel I have been talking. Often times I feel I talk to much when imbibing... but he still feels I'm extremely quiet. [face palm]. While he talks a lot he isn't the best communicator either. Took things to the next level this weekend. Yeah, I won't lie. Nothing but faithful to the same man for 11yr and it felt a little like cheating... in a way that after 11yr you are just completely comfortable with someone, who they are, what works, etc. So yeah... felt weird and in a way good to get over that hurdle??? I think he likes me??? IDK. Thinking this may just end up being a hook up thing... He doesn't really bring up being exclusive, etc. He certainly could be dating others and I've mentioned that I'm just getting out there in life... and still meeting people as I should be. No one should be exclusive this early in the game.
I found a few more things of my H and will have them boxed up and ready when he comes to the office with our puppy in a few days. I found it odd with the weather change he hasn't asked about his leather winter coats. I just noticed them in the closet when I had to go grab myself a coat. I never check my H's pockets.... even when I did laundry. I always said I don't check pockets so make sure whatever is out of them cause I just throw them in the wash. And, yes, I've washed his wallet once, a charger for headphones, etc but again checking pockets is not my job for anyone... never did it for the kids either. For some reason I reached into the coat pocket and pulled out a receipt. It was a receipt from our last date night - 1 week prior to bomb drop... it made me sad in a sentimental way but I didn't cry and just tucked the receipt back in the pocket.
My life is moving forward though I realize at a snails pace.
Glad you're feeling good about the last couple of weeks. Obviously, many of us guessed "meeting new friends" would lead to a sexual relationship in short order. That happens in just about every thread when dating begins, and I don't recall Fireman or myself getting cheered for it, lol. There are real scientific studies out there showing that sex with someone new can help with breakup recovery--it's proof we're desirable AND there are many potential partners as good or better than our ex's in many ways (of course, never in all ways). I hope you can take that good, and avoid the bad (getting prematurely attached to someone when not enough time has not passed for you to address your attachment issues and other areas where more work would allow you to change your perspective and raise your standards to find a partner better for your life and happiness long-term). I am rooting for you, and have appreciated your support as well. Go KitKat!
My life is moving forward though I realize at a snails pace.