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PLC Offline OP
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Update, he brought me cookies.

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Lol - the Bakery Barometer.

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Good Morning PLC

Lol. Cookies. kml’ s bakery barometer maybe isn’t far off.

What do you think H’s love language is? Or one of them? Receiving/giving gifts? Acts of service? Just curious. H is seeming to be showing affection / olive branch at the moment. Interesting.

It been something like 10 or more days of him actually speaking to you.

And of course all those baked goods.

Originally Posted by PLC
He came in and told me he was going to be working overnight. (not unusual) I just responded ok and i slipped and told him to be careful.

That’s not a big slip.

How did he react to your well-intentioned warning?

I would think he likes seeing a bit of your compassionate side. He is looking and “hoping” you are safe. And still running as well. Perhaps he might even decided to land in the near future. Hard to say. It’s his path and his trauma.

Keep doing what you are doing. Kind and cordial. Living your life. Let H catch up to your fine example.

Have a wonderful day.

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Bakery barometer-that seems to be right.

I read love languages, and I think he is acts of service. I make sure to thank him. Over the weekend, D wanted to get dinner, and for the first time in a while, I asked if he would want anything and he did, and he thanked me after we got the food. (He did not eat with us)

When I told him to be careful, he was walking out of the room and said either , “ok” or “I will”. I almost told him I loved him. That is how “normal” the convo was, I almost slipped into an old pattern.

I spoke to my IC yesterday and she continued the advice i have been given here. “Detach” be aloof.

We all agree he is that scared squirrel, so I am not trying to spook him.

Thank you.

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Well, I have really been focusing on what I am doing and not trying to gauge his life with how he speaks or treats us here.

I realized that I was hopeful with him chatting, bringing treats to eat.

He still is, but nothing else has changed. I understand that if this is a peek out of the tunnel, I am not to throw a welcome home party. I was realizing I was looking to see what or if he would talk to me. After a year and a half, i would have thought I would be better.

So this last Friday, I made steaks and potatoes and a salad for D and me. He had left earlier in the evening, without a word, so instead of waiting to see if he was going to be around, I cooked. He came home after we ate and opened the fridge. I know he was looking for food. Well H, let us know when you'll be back and that you want to eat with us, and it is not a big deal to throw another steak on the BBQ.

Aloof is my plan.

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Hi PLC

Friday’s supper - well done.

If I missed out on a steak dinner I’d let you know the next and every time! I love steak. Lol. Medium rare please. smile

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
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Thank you Dnj,

It was tasty. It’s been awhile since we’ve had them. Medium rare, too.

Oh, this H of mine, is such a confusing person.

Let’s see if tomorrow brings me anything...

PLC

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Today, I worked from home. No baked goods. In fact, he seems to be back in the tunnel.

I was thinking about planning Thanksgiving. We are staying home. Will he? I was sad thinking about it, got over it, and am planning a meal for me and D. He’s welcome, of course, but she and I will plan to our likes.

Last year, he was gone, so I don’t expect much. Better that way.

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(((PLC))). I can’t imagine living in limbo for as long as you have. I did it for four and a half years but the difference is that I didn’t know that is what I was doing. Had I known what my H was actually up to during that time, I don’t think I could have lasted. Anyway...knowing or not knowing, it is very, very hard to live with a ghost. I hope you and D have a great Thanksgiving...with or without your H. (((HUGS)))

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Thank you DV,

When I sit back and look within myself, I really have a determination to not give up. Call it stubbornness, faith or anything in between. I do feel he is 100 percent MLC, but with that comes the uncertainty that he may never recover and deal with what has caused this (if he even knows what that is).

One thing, from reading situations here, I know that in some respects I am lucky. Even though he is at home, and he has left without a word for a weekend, he is normally home every night. He comes home during next day from work and as far as I can tell if he is with friends, they all have obligations and they aren’t necessarily going out to meet people. Covid has helped in a strange way for him not being able to freely go places and the same reason has made it hard for me to GAL freely.

This limbo from H and covid has been long and yet, for the most part I’m ok. Having D here has been fun, but if she was still out of state, I know I’d be ok, as it was just H and I with the BD for about six months before lockdowns came along and with it our D coming home. I have friends, family and hobbies. As my IC would say, I am comfortable in my own skin. H isn’t. So for me in a weird way, this in certain aspects is easier for me then H.

As for thanksgiving, I think I will make a special plan for something fun, maybe a movie to stream, since we aren’t heading out. I of course would like him at the table, but if not, we have had plenty of meals without him present in the last 18 months.

I appreciate your comments, DV. You said it perfectly, he is a ghost living here, I never thought of that that way and it is spot on.

PLC

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