Walk Away Spouse Fits My Ex-Wife to a "T" - part 2

[Vapo]

JEsus, you really do not get out much. People lie, people hide stuff. Who would want to air their dirty laundry to a "stranger"?!?

[Ready2Change]

But I do have one question. Don't all divorcees have to eventually talk about their exes?

Yes. Red flag if they bring up the X on the first date.

Tom, I am 53. Bomb drop was Feb 18,2008. Worked on my self and DBed for about 1 year. "Decree of dissolution of marriage" signed Jan 2009". After that, I enjoyed the single life for a little over a year. First date with my lady July 2010. We have since moved in together and raised a blended family. The last thing either one of us were looking for was another long term relationship. The only thing I was looking for was to enjoy the company of someone who was honest and open. It took a lot of sifting to find her. We both still have lots of baggage. Still working on myself. It is a never ending process.

[SteveLW]

But I do have one question. Don't all divorcees have to eventually talk about their exes? Whether it was 10 years or 30, that relationship had a huge influence on their life, and who they are today! So would it be better to say what you're looking for is whether they have settled feelings about their ex and their former marriage? Because I find it hard to believe that it wouldn't be a topic of conversation. Certainly, for me at least, if the relationship was to get serious I would WANT to know if there was serious baggage or woundedness, and that could only come about by discussing that prior marriage.

I would think that the fact you were married before would have to come up nearly right away. If I went on a date with a woman, and she made me think she'd never been married before and I found out later she was divorced, I would probably not proceed to date #2.

[LH19]

Nothing wrong with talking about you ex just don’t do it in a negative light.

[Traveler]

If I went on a date with a woman, and she made me think she'd never been married before and I found out later she was divorced, I would probably not proceed to date #2.

Deception of any kind on a first date is usually a red flag, for that matter.

[tom_l]

Most women between 50 and 65 are pretty screwed up?!

And the men aren’t ?

Curious who “most people” are that can make this braids statement.

I’m not going to lie, Tom. But I have a strong sense of misogyny from your posts .

Well, respectfully, Ginger, you're wrong. And you need to understand the full context, if you read my other posts on this page. Incidentally, nowhere did I saw that "most women between 50 and 65 are screwed up." I bet you think Donald Trump told us to drink bleach, too! Next time take a deep breath and reread.

To quote you, I have a strong sense that you are touchy about language and engage in gross stereotypes about others (okay, just men). I will not engage in this debate, nor will I moderate what I say here, especially when you think it doesn't fit with how you want the world to be.

[tom_l]

If I went on a date with a woman, and she made me think she'd never been married before and I found out later she was divorced, I would probably not proceed to date #2.

Roger that. If someone lied to me like that I might not even give a final text or phone call.

[tom_l]

Yes. Red flag if they bring up the X on the first date.

Roger that. On the first date I could handle, "Incidentally, I've been divorced about 18 months now. I'll be happy to tell you about things and how it impacted me and how I've grown someday, but tonight I hope we just talk about happy topics and get to know each other better."

The only thing I was looking for was to enjoy the company of someone who was honest and open. It took a lot of sifting to find her. We both still have lots of baggage. Still working on myself. It is a never ending process.

Wow. I understand the work in progress part, but what baggage do you carry after 12 years? I ask because I might well be looking forward to 12 years of hard work myself!

[Ready2Change]

I bet you think Donald Trump told us to drink bleach, too!

It was the media. It was taken out of context and broadcast over and over to the masses.

Anyway, back to you. It seems like things keep getting side tracked. Are you doing OK emotionally? What is the best way for us to help?

[Ready2Change]

what baggage do you carry after 12 years?

One simple example. I have a hard time apologizing. Most of the time, I don't even know I did something wrong. She has to point it out. It takes a lot of processing for me to understand.