OB after reading your sitch and seeing what you are going through. It sounds like you’re a great dad too. Hopefully you all aren’t caught up I the newest lockdown over the ditch.
Steve85 I have always had a glass is half full attitude.
Just got a text fro STBXW “would you like to come over tomorrow and open presents with S3?
Any advise on what I should text back or do?
He is staying with her and the MIL until tomorrow, I had planned on collecting him in the morning. S3 and I are travelling to see my family later Christmas Day.
Originally Posted by NZkiwi
Cheers OB/Steve85.
OB after reading your sitch and seeing what you are going through. It sounds like you’re a great dad too. Hopefully you all aren’t caught up I the newest lockdown over the ditch.
Steve85 I have always had a glass is half full attitude.
Just got a text fro STBXW “would you like to come over tomorrow and open presents with S3?
Any advise on what I should text back or do?
He is staying with her and the MIL until tomorrow, I had planned on collecting him in the morning. S3 and I are travelling to see my family later Christmas Day.
N,
So this is a tough one for sure. First off I want to say you must be doing a great job of giving her space for her to invite you. She’s not afraid you are going to pursue her and she has to reject you again.
So obviously going with expectations would be not good and probably set you back. Going would most likely set the stage for you to be in the friend zone. That is not necessarily a bad thing if your ok with it. Most people here are not.
My suggestion to you would be that if this is a tradition you are going to carry forward no matter if the two of you are in relationships then do it. This is an arrangement that works well for a least one poster. If this is not a tradition you will carry forward then I would respectfully decline. I chose to do the first two Christmas mornings together and am no longer am going to carry on the tradition. It’s been difficult getting my daughter to understand why it isn’t happening anymore. Your son is young enough that he probably wouldn’t understand the difference.
I am always grateful for the different point of views.
I decided to go and I didn’t take the decision lightly either. In the end I did it for S3 and myself and with zero expectations. None.
The drive there was a little unnerving but once I was greeted by S3 it made it all worth is. STBXW and MIL/FIL all were cordial and welcoming.
All S3 wanted to do was open presents from Santa lol. We all exchanged gifts and were all ok with everything. STBXW thanked S3 for his gift and looked at me while she did it. I didn’t acknowledge it. After presents we all sat down from breakfast (I hadn’t been asked if I was staying or even offered, they dished it up anyway) The whole time i never looked or talked to STBXW and purposefully sat next to S3 and did the normal parenting and concentrated on him.
Spent a little longer with him had a lot of fun.
When it was time to leave. We all said our goodbyes and we left. I am definitely glad I went to see him.
I’m not sure if this will become a tradition because I’m not into being friends with STBXW.
I did receive a text not long after we left that was I my view a friend zone (or possibly bread crumbing?) text but I would like to know thoughts? “Thank you for coming this morning. It was nice having you here, I know S3 loved it. Enjoy the rest of the day.
I didn’t reply.
The rest of S3 and my day was spent with my family, which was great.
I hope you all have or going to have a great Christmas Day! I did in the end, S3 made it all worth it and reminded me that there is more to life and how one toy can light up a kids face. Merry Christmas everyone.
I am always grateful for the different point of views.
I decided to go and I didn’t take the decision lightly either. In the end I did it for S3 and myself and with zero expectations. None.
The drive there was a little unnerving but once I was greeted by S3 it made it all worth is. STBXW and MIL/FIL all were cordial and welcoming.
All S3 wanted to do was open presents from Santa lol. We all exchanged gifts and were all ok with everything. STBXW thanked S3 for his gift and looked at me while she did it. I didn’t acknowledge it. After presents we all sat down from breakfast (I hadn’t been asked if I was staying or even offered, they dished it up anyway) The whole time i never looked or talked to STBXW and purposefully sat next to S3 and did the normal parenting and concentrated on him.
Spent a little longer with him had a lot of fun.
When it was time to leave. We all said our goodbyes and we left. I am definitely glad I went to see him.
I’m not sure if this will become a tradition because I’m not into being friends with STBXW.
I did receive a text not long after we left that was I my view a friend zone (or possibly bread crumbing?) text but I would like to know thoughts? “Thank you for coming this morning. It was nice having you here, I know S3 loved it. Enjoy the rest of the day.
I didn’t reply.
The rest of S3 and my day was spent with my family, which was great.
I hope you all have or going to have a great Christmas Day! I did in the end, S3 made it all worth it and reminded me that there is more to life and how one toy can light up a kids face. Merry Christmas everyone.
Merry Christmas, AZ! Glad to hear you enjoyed your time with A3 on Christmas morning. May your days be filled with joy and peace, and I pray for ior many wonderful Christmases for the two of you in the years to come.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
S3 and I went out of town for a week to visit family and friends. We had a great time together and he taught his younger cousin some new things.
I had been doing well the whole time but got a TM on NYE from STBXW asking for a couple of photos of S3. It brought me down a peg and effected me pretty badly.
My first thought was to ignore it and send nothing. So I sat on it for a couple of hours. It really pi$$ed me of that she had the nerve to text because she knew that S3 would be having a great time. He loves being at his grandparents house and its near the beach. in the end I sent 3 photos, they weren't the best photos but sent them anyway.
Since then I have got back into GAL and spending time with mates. And also made plans to catch up with others almost every weekend from now. I have also got back into the gym, Christmas feasts and drinks packed on a couple of kg's (kilograms). I've got my next IC at the beginning of next month.
Other than that life hasn't changed all that much, still taking it one day at a time and trying to do the 180's.
NZ, hang in there. Keep working at it and eventually her asking for photos of S3 will be like your parents or anyone else in your life asking for a picture of him. It will roll off your back like water off of a duck.
You are doing great, keep up the good work.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Still continuing to GAL and move forward. Gym and exercise are still going good.
I haven’t had S3 this week and life is busy. Work sitch will be changing soon to better suit both myself and S3 and our lives.
I’ve been house hunting a lot recently at a very busy time where the local housing market is booming. It has been difficult to say the least but I am staying positive.
While I look forward to buying my and S3 new place I’m nervous with when it will be the big move and pack up the house.
STBXW still sends the occasional TM about S3 and/or legal matters sometimes it feels like she is keeping tabs, TM like “Did you pack S3 sports gear, because it starts this weekend.” I replied with “yes”.
It’s frustrating because any other person/parent would’ve thought to check S3’s clothing and not needed to contact me out of the blue.
Life is me continuing to try to be indifferent and moving forward with the intention of making myself a better man.
You have to rach a place where this will not rattle you. She is just doing this to rattle your cage, so she'll keep ketting justification that she made the "right" choice.
Still continuing to GAL and move forward. Gym and exercise are still going good.
Good! GAL helps move toward detachment. Keep it up!
Originally Posted by NZkiwi
I’m nervous with when it will be the big move and pack up the house.
This is quite normal. I dreaded it too. I had a cry in the car, called a friend (find someone for support) and stayed busy making this place my own. You will be ok.
Originally Posted by NZkiwi
STBXW still sends the occasional TM about S3 and/or legal matters sometimes it feels like she is keeping tabs, TM like “Did you pack S3 sports gear, because it starts this weekend.” I replied with “yes”.
Great reply!
Originally Posted by NZkiwi
It’s frustrating because any other person/parent would’ve thought to check S3’s clothing and not needed to contact me out of the blue.
There is a million reasons why she does this - control, keeping tabs, temp checking - better not to try and understand it, just keep your response short and brief and only answer questions.
Originally Posted by NZkiwi
Life is me continuing to try to be indifferent and moving forward with the intention of making myself a better man.
This is the goal. To be a better man. The less you focus on where STBXW is in her journey, the better off you will be, no matter what happens in future.
Detach. Rinse. Repeat.
Detachment is a process and something I'm not great at myself. Focusing on S3 and yourself is great!
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
