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Originally Posted by NZkiwi
Vent and journal time

The house is going on the market this weekend. It’s a very surreal feeling.

My W was the one pushing to sell the house. She contacted an agent and tried to hurry it along. Thankfully the agent did not push me. Which is not normal for agents lol.
I contacted the agent and another agent a few weeks ago for valuations. Finally I feel that it is the right time to sell and to move on to the next chapter of my life with S3.
This next step is what I need to detach further.

The agent came to sign papers and asked to get the process going. This agent has been working as a go between with W and I on the paperwork.
The agent explained that the photos would be done today and that the first open hone would be this weekend. All fine by me.
I receive a text from W “I can help tidy the place up on Wednesday and Thursday.” Statement right! So I reply back with thumbs up emoji expecting her to text back saying a time.

Nothing.

I went back to NC.

I wasn’t going to chase her and ask for her help.

I clean the house after Christmas decorations and tree are put up with the help of S3 knowing full well W wouldn’t turn up.

No stress to me, I wanted the house tidy for myself and S3 and so we can move on, it’s got me excited to house hunt now, I was actually glad she didn’t turn up.
Photos were today and the agent said that the house looked great!!


NZ, just one small tweak. Texts that aren't questions need no response, not even an emoji. If she was serious about helping she would follow up with questions about times, etc.

Overall you are doing well though. Keep up the good work.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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To throw a monkey wrench:
Originally Posted by NZkiwi
I receive a text from W “I can help tidy the place up on Wednesday and Thursday.” Statement right! So I reply back with thumbs up emoji expecting her to text back saying a time.
This IS a question.


Many woman ask questions as statements and make statements in the form of a question. This is similar to hearing a woman say "Fine". When a woman says fine, things are NOT FINE. Of course you can take everything literally, but learning new communication styles is part of the process.


W “I can help tidy the place up on Wednesday and Thursday.”
H:"Perfect. I will take care of the rest on Friday and Saturday"

or

W “I can help tidy the place up on Wednesday and Thursday.”
H "Thanks for the offer, but I will take care of it."




"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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I agree with R2C on this. Steve is pretty rigid with his texting rules. If your buddy had texted you the same thing, you'd probably respond in a way R2C suggested. In that instance I think a response is appropriate. When interacting with my XW, that was my mindset. How would I response to an acquaintance? To be fair it was probably Steve who said to treat her like a cashier at the grocery store, so I probably got the mindset from him.

Last edited by harvey; 12/03/20 05:26 PM.
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Originally Posted by harvey
I agree with R2C on this. Steve is pretty rigid with his texting rules. If your buddy had texted you the same thing, you'd probably respond in a way R2C suggested. In that instance I think a response is appropriate. When interacting with my XW, that was my mindset. How would I response to an acquaintance? To be fair it was probably Steve who said to treat her like a cashier at the grocery store, so I probably got the mindset from him.


I am strict because most LBSs struggle with this. "OHHHH! WAW just texted me! Yeay, interaction!" It trips them up. I am against trying to decipher when a statement is a question. Or when a question is a statement. I agree with R2C that women do that. Heck, men do it too. But I believe in KISS.

If you get into the game of thinking a statement is a question, it also give the LBS an excuse to break the rules of engagement. Plus it over complicates the rules. So keep it simple. Statements get no response, even if it MIGHT be a question. Questions get a short answer, as short of an answer as possible.

As far as your buddy texting you....your buddy isn't BDing you, and dragging you through a D process.


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Without wanting to hijack my Antipodean brother, what is the advice on replying to text that are BS questions? For example I am taking my S for a holiday and the W said she would pay for half of his flight. I responded “no thanks”, and she asked whether I was mad at her, I didn’t reply. It’s not a question regarding co-parenting...thoughts?


Me: 41 W:42
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Thanks LH

I feel I am doing ok. NC has been going well.
GAL is also going well, I feel busier now more than ever.
My weekend with S3 was great we went did so much, we visited friends, went to a lego exhibit which he loved (almost as much as me) had lunch outside in the sun both days and went Christmas shopping. He demanded Christmas songs on repeat in the car. We had so much fun. Moments to cherish.

I found out he has been playing superheroes at daycare so I purchased a Hulk Tshirt with a hood with the hulk face on it. And safe to safe he loved it and wanted to wear it everyday. Which I made sure I washed it as much as possible.
I dropped him off to daycare this morning in the T-shirt, WW was due to pick up S3 today for her week. WW hadn’t seen the Tshirt until today.


WW just txt “ S3 really loves his hulk Tshirt, good purchase, thumbs up emoji”

How do I reply? Or should I even reply?

My first thought is to say nothing or text back and say keep it washed!

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If you're NC, you shouldn't reply to that. She didn't ask a question. Good job on the Hulk T-Shirt! Take care.

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Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Without wanting to hijack my Antipodean brother, what is the advice on replying to text that are BS questions? For example I am taking my S for a holiday and the W said she would pay for half of his flight. I responded “no thanks”, and she asked whether I was mad at her, I didn’t reply. It’s not a question regarding co-parenting...thoughts?


Still a question.

A simple "No."


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Originally Posted by NZkiwi
Thanks LH

I feel I am doing ok. NC has been going well.
GAL is also going well, I feel busier now more than ever.
My weekend with S3 was great we went did so much, we visited friends, went to a lego exhibit which he loved (almost as much as me) had lunch outside in the sun both days and went Christmas shopping. He demanded Christmas songs on repeat in the car. We had so much fun. Moments to cherish.

I found out he has been playing superheroes at daycare so I purchased a Hulk Tshirt with a hood with the hulk face on it. And safe to safe he loved it and wanted to wear it everyday. Which I made sure I washed it as much as possible.
I dropped him off to daycare this morning in the T-shirt, WW was due to pick up S3 today for her week. WW hadn’t seen the Tshirt until today.


WW just txt “ S3 really loves his hulk Tshirt, good purchase, thumbs up emoji”

How do I reply? Or should I even reply?

My first thought is to say nothing or text back and say keep it washed!


No response necessary.


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Thanks CW and Steve85

I gave no response, like a lot of the texts I receive. No need.

I have a question, should I get a Christmas gift for my WAW from our S3?
Or would this come across as pressure or pursuit?

My first thought is yes I should get her something small.

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