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BL42 Offline OP
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Thanks Steve, I'm trying.

In terms of social media I removed my W as a follower of my Instagram account and unfollowed hers as well. Initially I thought we should "stay friends" on those SM platforms so we could see pictures of the kids but I'm spending way more than 50/50 with them anyway and don't really care to see her pictures of them regardless. Facebook is a bit trickier because to date we've been using that to video call with the kids on "off" weeks, so I'll need to look into how to handle that, but she hasn't been posting much if at all this year (I'm assuming because of the sitch) so there's no real urgency.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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BL42 Offline OP
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S5 just told my mom that OM2 stays overnight at mommy's house and sleeps in her bed and they all eat breakfast together in the morning. He said mommy stays up late because of OM2. I'm spinning a bit right now: sad, angry, resigned. It just seems so inappropriate to introduce the kids to another person right now let alone essentially moving in and sleeping in her bed while the kids are there. I know from other sitches/posters on this board it happens and I can't control it, but it [censored]. Sure it was inevitable down the line, but so soon? Hate me for whatever reason, but be respectful of the kids. I've reached out to attorneys but it doesn't seem like there's anything to do.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Sorry man. I know it's tough but you have to let it go.

Better days are ahead.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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BL42 Offline OP
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This morning in bed D2 said "Where's OM2?", and S5 responded "I don't know, either at mommy's house or his house."

I just kept quiet about it, but this [censored]. I flashed to images in my mind of D2 having a father/daughter dance together at her wedding. I know it's ridiculous to imagine something like that two or three decades away, but this is going to be a long hard road.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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BL42 Offline OP
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I'm considering having a conversation with my W regarding the kids and OM2 staying overnight when they're there and having breakfast together. I doubt she'll change her behavior but it seems wrong to let it go unaddressed as if nothing is going on, with D2 mentioning him and S5 telling my mom about him and seemingly unsettled. It feels like a situation where a dad should stand up for what's right for his kids.

This is honestly not a ploy to have an R talk, it's solely related to the kids best interests - I don't see why any extra curriculars can't go on without them around until down the road.

I have a feeling what people here will say, but...thoughts?


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
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B,

So I understand where you are coming from and how you feel about it. I see no issues with you voicing your concern to her. I just wouldn’t except anything to change. She’s doesn’t see anything wrong with it.

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The problem with saying something is that there is nothing you can do about it (unless OM2 is a registered sex offender. So you will end up coming across weak and petty. You're better off letting it go.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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As Steve pointed out, there is really nothing you can do. And appealing to the WAW's sense of decency is an excercise in futility...

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Originally Posted by BL42
I'm considering having a conversation with my W regarding the kids and OM2 staying overnight when they're there and having breakfast together....thoughts?
Sounds like control.

We all understand where you are coming from. IMHO Best option is to not bring it up. You can't control it.

If you do bring it up, She and OM will laugh together about how silly you are behaving.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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BL42 Offline OP
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It's been a few weeks...mostly preoccupied due to wrapping up work for the year, prepping for and actually enjoying the holidays.

The week prior to Christmas was stressful and upsetting. Following LH19/Steve85/Vapo/Ready2Change's comments, I did not confront W about OM2 staying over with the kids, as enraging as it is for me to think about. However, my F-I-L called that week (I assumed regarding logistics for the kids) but because he was upset with our Christmas plans. I explained I had nothing against him or S-M-I-L, but due to the divorce we have to negotiate and split up time with the kids on birthdays and holidays, and W & I had disagreements on that. He was taken aback when I told him in my last communication with W I did offer to compromise and have her bring the kids to their place (he said, "oh I didn't know that") and must've called W later that night because I got another email trying to change plans. I agreed, and am glad I did now because I'll have more time with the kids next Christmas. Anyway, that phone call also led to a discussion about OM2 (according to him at least he's had two run ins by happen stance and wasn't treated warmly either time). And step-MIL called later and I finally had to tell her we needed to stop talking because between discussions with my parents, them, the stress of the divorce and Holidays I'm just trying to detach and move on.

We did have a major snow storm so I picked up S5, as I promised to take him sledding, and OM2 was there. I made a snide comment "Hey OM2, aren't you going to say hello?". W glared at me, and I just smiled back. Probably wasn't great DB'ing but it felt good and a bit Alpha. I mean if he can move in with a married woman and her kids he can at least have the balls not to pretend he's not there, right?

Fortunately Christmas week itself with the kids was absolutely wonderful. We had a fantastic time; it truly warmed my heart. I took S5 and D2 to church on Christmas Eve by myself, which I was a bit nervous about but they were very well behaved and it went fine. Then we drove to see lights, had dinner with my parents, and did the usual read "Twas the Night Before Christmas", put out cookies for Santa, and get into bed routine. I stayed up until 1:30 playing Santa and S5 woke up at 3:50. I said "oh no...no way!" and got him to fall back asleep and "sleep in" until 6am LOL. Both kids LOVED their presents - as excited and happy as a parent would hope - and I got a lot of it on video for posterity. We played with their gifts all day, and had a blast. That weekend my sister, her husband, and my niece visited for the first time in awhile (due to COVID) and the cousins had a grand time. I truly had a wonderful Christmas with my family (children, parents, sister's family) despite the on-going sitch.

This past week of New Years I mostly relaxed and rested. For the first time in quite awhile I didn't have work OR have the kids at all because W was off (I typically have them before/after school and Fridays even during W's week). I lounged around, slept in, watched Netflix, got a lot done around the house. NYE was a lot of fun with several couples each doing a custom cocktail from a different country around the world - cool theme. They invited a single woman younger than me and I flirted a bit but didn't pursue the obvious set up (2nd time now that's happened). Unfortunately I couldn't get out with people and GAL as much as I would've liked other than NYE party to due to COVID. Things are escalating a bit and many people are tentative to go out or get together. I should've gotten out skiing or hiking, but didn't.

Anyway, tomorrow is back to the regular work/school routine. I'm so glad 2020 is over. I realize it was a rough year in general for most people due to the pandemic but particularly for folks on this board who's sitches were starting/on-going (myself included). Hopefully 2021 is nothing but up for all of us!

Last edited by BL42; 01/04/21 03:01 AM.

Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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