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Man, we have some smart folks on this board. Seriously, Andrew......please take what everyone is saying to heart. The underlying message that I'm reading from all of these posts is that people think you are a stand up guy and want better for you than what you are currently getting.

I really do hate to come to your page and always be harsh or negative with you, but I swear it comes from a place of genuine concern and virtual friendship. I want you to have a happy life and your current situation is not giving you that. You have to see and know that S isn't going to change. I have had the same thought that bttrfly voiced ever since I read your post where you outlined her "history". I have been wondering if the next one is already on the hook and she's biding her time in your house until she has that one locked down.

I also agree with bttrfly about the HUGE red flags that her responses of anger, manipulation, "you're not listening to me" bring....she is steady trying to blame you for anything and everything while not taking any of that on herself. That is NOT how rational adults behave. It just isn't. You know that, I know that, we all know that.

You are a nice guy. You have a HUGE, caring, loving heart. And, I dare say you are a tad stubborn (Scottish maybe?) in that you don't want to give up. I get it. I really do. But, Andrew, love, PLEASE take time to really think about all this and act accordingly. If you are waiting for a miracle, well, sadly, those are few and far between and I just somehow don't think you are going to get one where S is concerned. Furthermore, I think she's taking you for a ride to see how much she can get out of you before moving to #7. I said it awhile back and bttrfly touched on it too....think about what she's said to you about all the men before you and how everything was all their fault and look at how she is with you. Don't you wish you knew more about the other side of the story now? I bet it looks a whole lot different than how she tells it.

I know you don't want to be alone/lonely, but is acquiescing to her needs all the time really preventing you from being lonely? You aren't alone, obviously, but are you lonely even with her since you share no common interests? For me, personally, the biggest red flag in all of this is that despite forcing your hand in the marriage arena, she STILL isn't divorced. It seems to me that while at one point, her excuse was more about the financial aspects, you now know that she has more than enough money saved up to get it done. So, is that guy going to be #7 or is she just really that lazy? I mean, seriously, I can't speak for anyone but myself, but when my XH wanted out, I was done and there was no d@mn way I would've drug it out for any length of time. He dropped the bomb on me on Sept. 29 and we were divorced before Christmas....3 months total. And, the only reason it took that long was because we lived in a small, rural area and there was only one judge and he was out sick for a couple of weeks so the actual signing of the papers got pushed back until he got better. We should've been out by 1st of Dec, which would have made it 2 months. My point is, where there is a will there is a way and she doesn't seem to have the will to get it done. There has to be a reason and I'm not buying that the reason has anything to do with medical insurance. As a "poor single mother" there are surely programs she can get on for assistance with healthcare so that she doesn't have to rely on her HUSBAND (notice I didn't call him STBX because that doesn't seem to be her progression) to provide that to her.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Andrew)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Seriously, man, I'm not a fan of cold weather, which is one of the reasons I stay in the South, but d@mn dude....she is gonna make me come up there and have a come to Jesus meeting with her. #freeandrew


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Dawn my hit is that #4 is going to be #7.
Only Andrew can free himself, but I'm thinking we need to form #TeamAndrew, and maybe get tartan scarves to show our solidarity. Andrew, dear, we need to know which clan Tartan our scarves will be???


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Originally Posted by bttrfly
Dawn my hit is that #4 is going to be #7.
Only Andrew can free himself, but I'm thinking we need to form #TeamAndrew, and maybe get tartan scarves to show our solidarity. Andrew, dear, we need to know which clan Tartan our scarves will be???




Could be...is that the husband? And, yes, only Andrew can free himself, but I'm totally #TeamAndrew and will wear my tartan proudly, despite the fact that Arkansas doesn't really get cold enough for scarves until about January, but I'm down to wear mine now with my short sleeved t-shirts. wink


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Quote
#4 - found on POF - quickly married - menopause so no more kids. Dream journal shows pining for #1 Dumps after it turns out he likes a tidy house, expects a perfect house-keeper and demonstrates poor financial acumen……….
#4 - reconciliation for probably 3 or 4 months at end of 2019 where it turned out he never changed.


Sounds more to me like he discovered her hoarding and sloppiness, they broke up, she probably came back claiming to have changed (and maybe claiming it'd be easier for her to keep things clean with S18 out of the way? Maybe he was the scapegoat?) . Then she went right back to her old ways - it wasn't HE who hadn't changed but HER.

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She actually left her son at 16 years old alone to be with a man?

That’s absolutely awful. My ex and his sister got left alone at 15 and 16 as their father went to live his girlfriend. He came on sundays to cook and shop. The other days of the week there was drugs sex and alcohol going on in that house. Their mom got sent off to live cross county after her psychotic break....

I always thought it to be so horribly sad these kids were left to watch after themselves. It was pure neglect.

She neglected her child. That is not the kindness you say is so important to you.

Honestly, I don’t see her kindness anywhere. She uses men, neglects her children, shuts you down when you try to communicate , neglects her pets, and dumps them on you.

Is this truly kindness, Andrew?

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ok in an attempt to help Andrew and throw some positive vibes this way, can I get a show of hands for the #TeamAndrew Tartan-wearing crew so I know how many scarves to order? So far we have myself and Dawn. G? you in? Job? Kml? DonH? LH? Don't wanna leave anyone out ...


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
She actually left her son at 16 years old alone to be with a man?

That’s absolutely awful. My ex and his sister got left alone at 15 and 16 as their father went to live his girlfriend. He came on sundays to cook and shop. The other days of the week there was drugs sex and alcohol going on in that house. Their mom got sent off to live cross county after her psychotic break....

I always thought it to be so horribly sad these kids were left to watch after themselves. It was pure neglect.

She neglected her child. That is not the kindness you say is so important to you.

Honestly, I don’t see her kindness anywhere. She uses men, neglects her children, shuts you down when you try to communicate , neglects her pets, and dumps them on you.

Is this truly kindness, Andrew?


I agree, I haven’t seen any kindness at all, either to Andrew, her kids or her pets. I can’t imagine storing my dead pet in my freezer.

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Originally Posted by bttrfly
Dawn my hit is that #4 is going to be #7.
Only Andrew can free himself, but I'm thinking we need to form #TeamAndrew, and maybe get tartan scarves to show our solidarity. Andrew, dear, we need to know which clan Tartan our scarves will be???
Scarves? Not bow ties? crazy My mother always claimed that on my Dad's side that we were related to the kings of Scotland and were a sept of clan Donal. Not sure how true that is as my own experience is that my ancestors were all poor dirt farmers who were so bad at it that they probably grew more rocks than dirt. A distant relative actually got quite rich and famous selling rocks. I do have documentary evidence in the form of a letter and plaque that my direct ancestors were thrown out of Venezuela 200 years ago for being "drunken idle Scotsmen". A revelation that did not shock my ex-wife at all and perhaps is appropriate for royalty? A very distant relation was also the last person burned at the stake for witchcraft in Scotland. Not sure what the tartan is for that smile I loaned one of the two books I have on that to S I think and can't find it. Fortunately that one is still in print so I can get another copy if it doesn't turn up.

Thanks all. I do appreciate the love and support so very much.

There's more whining and grumbling I can do but I'm going to avoid it. S curled up next to me shortly after I got to bed and stayed, held me and said that everything will work out just fine and get better. I had apologized for being "a big ole grump lately".

Listened to a favourite podcast this morning and as if often the case and is no surprise given the truly amazing writing, there were nuggets in there.
Originally Posted by Welcome To NightVale - Michelle Nguyen
I’m tired of being cool. I was going to say trying to be cool, but trying implies the possibility of failure, and there has never been a moment when I’ve failed to be cool. But here’s the hard truth I’ve come up against: being cool is a young person’s game. And that’s not because young people are better or more interesting than older people. God no. God no. God no! It’s that coolness itself is a concept tied to youth. Coolness is a reactionary manifestation of insecurity. The more insecure you are, the cooler you need to be. It’s colorful plumage.
But as I’ve gotten older, I no longer need flashy plumage. I just wanna sit in the comfort of who I am, and not worry about what that looks like from the outside.
Originally Posted by Welcome To NightVale - Cecil
An abundance of words, words falling, fluttering to the earth. Words crunching beneath our feet. They were beautiful once, the words. Now they are beginning to rot, to wilt, to compost, to ferment new growth. To fertilize new words growing upon great trunks of paragraphs and chapters, but not now. Those will come later. Now the words sputter and drop in spiraling arcs to the ground.


Busy day today I think. A customer had a spill yesterday which is something we take very very seriously so I'm digging out paperwork and checking forms, procedures and ensuring we have been and continue to be not just compliant but exceed the norms of material handling. It appears that the container was damaged after it was shipped although the customer is claming that they couldn't possibly have damaged it. Fortunately the affected employee got to the shower quickly and only had very minor burns plus undoubtedly damp under-gotchies.

I expect a big pile of dishes when I get home. I didn't do them last night as the kitchen was in chaos but S and her daughter made strong progress on finding enough of the dining room to host Thanksgiving. S is off with her S18 to yet another doctor's appointment today and so probably won't be home until quite late.

I'm having brunch with my son on Saturday and we're going to repair his screen door so "the girls" can go "yik" at the wee birdies. Certainly very very different having them gone. S's two cats are much less engaged in the goings on in the house.

Thanks again my friends.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
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well, the guys can wear bowties while we ladies sport scarves ...

there's more I would say, but I'm choosing to shut up.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Just watch for the actions to match the words.

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