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A Message from Michele
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Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2904264
09/21/20 04:06 PM
09/21/20 04:06 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 307
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Mumin Offline OP
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Mumin  Offline OP
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Thank you LH, MrB, Ovr, Deja & Steve! I AM doing well!
Getting responses here and perspective on what I am going through is always so very helpful.
Both in deciding what to do and boosting my confidence.

To clarify I dont WANT her to live with me. I want to move on asap.
I simply know she is taking pretty much zero responsibility for her actions and the alternative is me taking the kids 100% which will be hard with work (though I will suggest this if it comes to it), or kids living with OM.
W has said OM doesnt want that and frankly I dont want that either.
Also OM lives on the other side of town.

Realistically if she is buys an apt some time next month she wont be able to move in till next year.
Usually there is a 2-3 month transfer period where I live.
So I will suggest she moves out in November and then I guess its a negotiation...
Then I will bring this up with the L when we have the meeting.
If she stays at the house she will obviously have to pay some sort of rent.


Quote
You see this is how things can get misconstrued around here. I suggested it to core because his W seemed to no longer be in an affair and had at least mentioned reconciliation. No last talks when someone is in an active affair.

This is why I brought it up. To make sure I got the boards view.


Quote
What is the purpose of the relationship status change? You aren't single yet, legally. This feels like a passive-aggressive move. Like when a LBS removes their wedding band in order to "wake-up" their WAS.

EDIT: Or did you mean you will do this post-D?

Yes I inted to do it after we arnt legally married.
If she is still living at the house (hope not) I might reconsider. I might.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2904267
09/21/20 04:57 PM
09/21/20 04:57 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,282
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Ginger1 Online
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Ginger1  Online
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I never really understood why anyone needs to broadcast their R status known social media. There is an option to not even have one. The one I have opted for . Itís really no ones business

Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2904272
09/21/20 06:48 PM
09/21/20 06:48 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 307
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Mumin Offline OP
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Mumin  Offline OP
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You have a point Ginger. Its what W changed her status to like almost a year ago.
We'll see. I will consider how it looks for people that arnt "in the know" by now.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2904276
09/21/20 07:38 PM
09/21/20 07:38 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 307
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Mumin Offline OP
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Mumin  Offline OP
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Spoke to W. She wasn't happy.
Said I sent in some numbers to the L and that we should talk about when she is moving out.
Her plan was to start looking at Apts after we finalized the financial D.
I explained she can start looking now and if she wants to.
Again, in reality this might mean she needs to stay here till next year..
Unless I kick her to the curb or whatever.

Then she got angry that I am talking about furniture because apparently I have never cared...

Moving on. At least the discussion is started.
If we actually set a date, do you think I should suggest I take the kids 100% if she hasn't found a place?
It might be a way of getting her to agree.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2904283
09/21/20 09:28 PM
09/21/20 09:28 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,474
Missouruh
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ovrrnbw Offline
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Missouruh
Look fear in the eye and don't blink. My W told me a couple years ago about selling the house and was going on and on and I had enough of her making me scared. I told her to call any realtor she wanted to and get the value and list the home. Then she questioned another thing about the home and I answered quickly and unemotionally. Then she started an R talk b/c how could this be so easy for me?

So it's normal, don't let it get to you.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2904846
10/01/20 07:29 AM
10/01/20 07:29 AM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 307
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Mumin Offline OP
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Mumin  Offline OP
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Got a cancelled meeting so will do a short update.
Thanks to everyone for your replies!

First meeting with L went fine. The drafted contract is ready and I handed a print out copy to W yesterday.
I am a bit nervous because they decided to show W exactly what she will be loosing in the agreement.
ITs not a huge sum but will likely make it harder for her to agree.
W brought up an addition she would like to add which is basically, IF I sell the hosue within 2-3 years and make a huge profit she gets half of the profit. I agreed to something along those lines a while back but had sort fo forgot about it.
I intend to live there for at elas te few years but I am reluctant to basically make it binding, legally.
I will agree but try to limit it to 2 years.

After the meeting we continued to talk about smaller assets and I noticed she was silent.
AGAIN she was close to crying and said its really rough on her, I validated and we talked some more.
AMong other things she said:
"I have never felt as good/happy as when we lived in the house together."
"Its really rough to not have a direction in life."
Waywardness sure isnt logic...

She said I have become deeper/wider as a person. In a good way.
I jokingly said I ahve also become wider physically. She laughed and agreed.

This process is so strange as we will be living together for a few more months/weeks.
She is finally looking at apartments!

Last edited by Mumin; 10/01/20 07:30 AM.

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2904928
10/03/20 03:40 AM
10/03/20 03:40 AM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 344
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Core Offline
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"I have never felt as good/happy as when we lived in the house together."
"Its really rough to not have a direction in life."
Waywardness sure isnt logic...

You can say that again. That must've been hard to hear and I feel for you going through it. Logic tells us...why cant they see the obvious. Then again, here we are holding out hope for those throwing us away. Life makes no sense sometimes.


H37, W37
D4, S2
ILYBNILWY 9/19
BD 9/19
EA discovered 10/19
Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Core] #2904929
10/03/20 03:55 AM
10/03/20 03:55 AM
Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 18
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NZkiwi Offline
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Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Core
"I have never felt as good/happy as when we lived in the house together."
"Its really rough to not have a direction in life."
Waywardness sure isnt logic...

You can say that again. That must've been hard to hear and I feel for you going through it. Logic tells us...why cant they see the obvious. Then again, here we are holding out hope for those throwing us away. Life makes no sense sometimes.


Core/mumin
I feel your pain.
Logic tends to keep telling me the exact same things. Why canít W see.

Iím new here too and it helps reading and posting.

Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2904968
10/03/20 09:23 PM
10/03/20 09:23 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 307
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Mumin Offline OP
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Mumin  Offline OP
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Posts: 307
Core and NZ thanks for popping by!
The logic really isnt there. It just isnt. Lik u said C it makes ZERO sense.
In the moment I felt mostly for her but yeah I really thought, "So WHY?!"

I sort of know why we are where we are though. IF one digs deep its there somewhere.

NZ I have read some of your thread.
I feel so much for everyone coming here. Another heart and family broken.
Hang in there, DB works!
Sometimes for the R.
ALWAYS for you.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Re: Finalizing D and moving on #5 [Re: Mumin] #2905040
10/05/20 12:25 PM
10/05/20 12:25 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 307
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Mumin Offline OP
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Mumin  Offline OP
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Posts: 307
I have the final draft now.
All we need is a signature and the financials will be done.

Realizing more and more how much I will miss my kids on the "off"-weeks.
Damn you W for forcing this!


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
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