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SJay62 #2903526 09/10/20 11:59 PM
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Sounds like you're in a good position then to do some dating. It's not an irreversible decision you know - if you don't like it, you can stop dating.

SJay62 #2903632 09/12/20 12:18 PM
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i have always found kml's advice to be very well thought out and helpful. just saying. we're talking about coffee, or lunch, or dinner, not the rest of your life. none of these choices are irreversible, so why not just dip your toe in? xoxoxo keep posting.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
SJay62 #2903637 09/12/20 02:19 PM
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Welcome SJ. Nice to have someone new join us in this forum. I have been on lots of internet dates and have found the vast majority to have been pretty fun. Most of the guys were appeared to be who they said they were. Definitely preferred it to sitting at home but I am not an introvert. Never really considered myself an extrovert either but maybe compared to some people I am. Anyway... I have found being here after divorce just as helpful as I did before divorce. I hope you do too. (((HUGS)))

SJay62 #2904014 09/17/20 12:33 AM
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Thank you all for the comments.

I've taken the advice given and I have a coffee date set up for this Saturday morning. I don't know much other than he is divorced once and his second wife died of breast cancer a little over a year ago.

I'll post if there is anything remarkable.

SJay62 #2904022 09/17/20 03:40 AM
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Good luck SJ. I hope it goes well. smile

SJay62 #2906643 10/24/20 09:56 PM
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Just a brief update:

I did indeed meet this gentleman for coffee. Very nice guy but no immediate attraction. He reminded me a little of Nicholas Cage which is neither good nor bad. We've had an additional two dates because I didn't want to be hasty just because the attraction wasn't immediate. We didn't have much in common. I'm outdoorsy and if the weather is decent, I can be found outside and he likes to watch sports on TV. He's retired and I'm still working. Perhaps the biggest difference became apparent quickly. He is looking to find another wife which I don't have a desire to be, at least not for the foreseeable future.

I don't know if it was the aura of neediness that bothered me or the feeling of pressure when being in his company but I told him that I didn't think we were a match and he agreed.

So, it's back to the drawing board for now.

Thanks for listening.

SJay62 #2906759 10/26/20 08:55 PM
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SJ -
Good job getting your toes wet. MOST people won't be a match, it takes time to find a good fit, and that went exactly as it should - you were open to the possibility, but as soon as you learned a little more, recognized you weren't a fit. Good job!

SJay62 #2906779 10/27/20 02:29 AM
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Even though he was not a match, it sounds as if the experience was reasonably pleasant which is what most of my dates have been. I think I went out with five or six first dates before I met my boyfriend. It was worth it. As KML said... good for you for taking the risk. smile

SJay62 #2907150 10/30/20 01:34 AM
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Thanks for your kind words kml & DejaVu.

You know, I was a little bit surprised by my own feelings about jumping back in. (Or maybe lack of feelings) I don't know what I expected exactly but there wasn't much feeling involved. I remember a time when the thought of meeting someone new was an exciting prospect. Now, no so much. Maybe it's just because I'm older and there aren't many surprises left?

kml, it's somewhat reassuring that most people won't be a match but I can't help but wonder why so many people ARE matched and usually with the first person they date after their divorce. I get that we're all different and my experience is somewhat unusual - most people don't wait 20 years to date again.

I don't get attracted very easily which will make this quest even more challenging but I do have a defined idea of the type of man I'd be interested in. Honestly, I'll be surprised if he even exists! Fortunately, there in no exigency,

SJay62 #2907159 10/30/20 04:41 AM
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I’d say most people DONT match up with the first person they date after divorce, unless they’re very lucky or very needy. Since you find it harder to find someone you’re attracted to, you can expect to have to sift through a lot of dates.

That being said - try not to have too rigid an idea of what you’re looking for. Kindness is more important in a partner than a lot of the more superficial things we might think we want.

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