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A Message from Michele
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Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903477
09/10/20 01:47 AM
09/10/20 01:47 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,282
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Ginger1 Online OP
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Ginger1  Online OP
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,282
Thank you dawn. These teenage years that have just begun are kicking my butt. Sheís changed so much in the ost few months. But she still does love me, thankfully. But itís a rough ride.

As far as the ex goes .he made home made meatballs and sauce and brought me some. He remembered I was looking in trader howís for something but I couldnít find it and he picked it up for me ( of course I paid him). We are thoughtful towards eachother often. Itís weird and unsettling. Especially since I had a dream he proposed to me. That messed me up some more.

D12ís first day of virtual school was yesterday. I feel bad for the kid. Sitting in front of a computer all day alone. Itís crappy.

Tonight I attended a work event. They are back! At a very nice restaurant with beautiful outdoor seating and unlimited food and drinks. And OMG. To socialize again! It felt so wonderful! A few of us stayed later and I met some new friends who happen to be single and we are planning to get together. One kayaks and is in some clubs. Sheís introducing me to them. My other coworker is single and we have talked about doing. Some singles events. Sheís 55. Lots of fun though. She was the case manager for Mís mom when she was admitted. She did tell me she was there again about 6 months ago, but I was off then. Anyways. It was great to be social. I never see my friends anymore or go out so this was really really good for me. I felt alive again for a little while there.

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903610
09/12/20 02:07 AM
09/12/20 02:07 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,282
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Ginger1 Online OP
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Ginger1  Online OP
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,282
I had dinner with my cousin tonight. Sheís unhappily married and has been engaged in an affair with another married man.

She told me tonight that she doesnít envy me and that if she had to date again, she would hate it. She basically said she would rather be in her unhappy marriage rather than to be in my position.

She didnít mean it in a mean way. But OUCH. And the sad thing , she doesnít even know how lonely I am . The only place I express those feelings is here. Everyone actually still sees me as happy go lucky ginger . No one knows how I truly feel.

Sad. Living with someone you argue with every day and arenít attracted to is more desirable
Than living my life.

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903611
09/12/20 02:10 AM
09/12/20 02:10 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,902
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Georgiabelle Offline
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Georgiabelle  Offline
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Posts: 1,902
Hi G,

Glad you are healing a bit. And yes, teenagers are entertaining. No strong words of advice-just stopped by to say I feel ya on the lonely thing. Hang in there.


Me-42 xh-41
3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903619
09/12/20 04:05 AM
09/12/20 04:05 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,834
Midwest
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DonH Offline
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DonH  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,834
Midwest
Wow ginger, Iíd say that says a whole lot more about your cousin than it says about you. Man that is pretty messed up that she is living her life this way and thinks thatís better than being by herself? Again really says a lot about her and not about you. Please donít at all think sheís doing better than you are because she clearly is not. I mean what would be worse having a husband that beat her and her claiming at least she has a roof over her head so sheís better off this way. Iím not at all trying to diminish your loneliness. Iím just saying thereís no way I would wanna see you trade places with your cousin - no way.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903621
09/12/20 04:18 AM
09/12/20 04:18 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
I agree with Don!

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903628
09/12/20 11:46 AM
09/12/20 11:46 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,596
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Dawn70 Offline
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Dawn70  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,596
Don is absolutely correct! What she said was about her, not you. Many people donít like the thought of dating again after a certain age but to stay with someone she doesnít love AND have an affair with another married man is just not really smart decision making. Iím so sorry youíre lonely. I wish I could give you some advice that would fix that. Big hugs, my friend.


Me 50, H52
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
4 grandkids (plus 2 on the way)
Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903630
09/12/20 12:11 PM
09/12/20 12:11 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,848
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,848
Massachusetts
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I had dinner with my cousin tonight. Sheís unhappily married and has been engaged in an affair with another married man.

She told me tonight that she doesnít envy me and that if she had to date again, she would hate it. She basically said she would rather be in her unhappy marriage rather than to be in my position.

She didnít mean it in a mean way. But OUCH. And the sad thing , she doesnít even know how lonely I am . The only place I express those feelings is here. Everyone actually still sees me as happy go lucky ginger . No one knows how I truly feel.

Sad. Living with someone you argue with every day and arenít attracted to is more desirable
Than living my life.


consider the source.
her thinking is distorted by the miserable situation that is her life.
it's like going to the hardware store to buy a bag of oranges. not going get them there.
i love you.
i'm proud of you.
you are an extraordinary human.
never forget that.
xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16
When God gives you a new beginning don't repeat the same old mistakes. It's 2020, anything could happen; eat dessert first!!!!
Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903641
09/12/20 02:37 PM
09/12/20 02:37 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,673
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DejaVu6 Offline
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Iím with everyone else on this one. Your cousin is messed up. I would way rather be on my own than in an unhappy marriage. And I definitely would not try to fix it by having an affair with a married man. Yikes. This canít end well. She will be wishing she was you!!!

Great to hear about you night out. Sounds like you will be having some more soon. Having single friends to go out with is a gift. I hope you take full advantage.

Sorry about the loneliness Ginger. It is hard to shake when it sets in but keep doing what you are doing and it will have less of an impact. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903898
09/16/20 12:54 AM
09/16/20 12:54 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,282
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Ginger1 Online OP
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Ginger1  Online OP
Member
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,282
I appreciate all the comments. I have had much time or mental energy to reply. I do agree, my cousin is projecting. It's just hard for me to see someone in such a crazy situation prefer that over being out there dating and being single.

D13's bday weekend was very nice. We had lunch with my dad and his wife and her bestie, then we went to the homecoming/first game of the season. I saw pics of myself and cringed so badly. Aside from that, it went well. The next day D13, ex and I took D 13 horseback riding which was lots of fun. I hadn't been since ex and I were 21 and we had a romantic weekend away in the poconos. The horseback riding was in the town we had lived in and he said " it's our old stomping grounds" as we approached. We went to dinner after, and ex came back to our house, sat on my couch for an hour watching the football game and then we had some birthday dessert and he went home. FOr a second I hate to admit I said "so, this is what would it would be like if we all lived in the same home". We never did all 3 of us except when she was an infant. I hate myself for having that thought. It's not something i want, but yes, I always wondered what it might feel like.

Yesterday I decided to being exercising again. I went back to my orange theory classes, I have ot sub the bike for the treadmill because of my foot, but I did it. ANd we have to wear masks. Which is really hard when you are gasping for breath. Our gyms reopened to 25% capacity. I felt very safe. I plan on returning to my class 2x week. I need it for me. I am too heavy, I am out of shape, and I need ot just make some big adjustments in my life because i am generally not feeling like i used to,

Then today, I am really just so frustrated with a situation. I had mentioned how my dad said he wants to redo my kitchen. He told me to start finding contractors, etc. I HATE taking anything from my dad, and you will see why.

AT lunch on saturday my daughter mentions something about wanting to go back to disney and have them come this time. He starts planning it at the table. My daughter mentions something baout doing hershey park for christmas, he says he is going ot look into it. I brought something up about my kitchen the next day and he says " I can't afford that if we are going ot disney" I was like WTF?! I said to my dad, I would rather have my kitchen done than go to disney, you can't promise her that without discussing it with me first" he kind of blows that off.

Today he complains about expenses to me.... I text him " are we doing the kitchen still?" He says "well, I have to do catch up on my bills, get D13's bed (which he offered at the same time as the kitchen because he made money in the stock market) and do hershey park, so at a later time. I am not a bank"

What?!? He tells me he is doing my kitchen, he came into money, please accept this, we want ot do this so much for you, get prices and contractors" to "I am not a bank" comment. He totally gaslights me all the time. I would rather have zero offers than one that he always takes back, then makes me feel guilty about it by saying something like "I'm not a bank" He makes me feel like I am going nuts. This is why I accept nothing unless it is an emergency.

Honeslty, it has me really upset. ANd not because i am not getting my kitchen redone, even though I was excited about it and I have begun shopping around like he told me to, but because he always takes things back and makes me sound greedy. I told him I would rather he not pay for any of it. And he tells me " i';; help when I can" I don't want a dime. At least no one will take it away or make me feel guilty if I save up and pay.

I seriously can't wait to get out of here. I want to move to an affordable area, have my own townhome that requires no maintnance that i can afford with one job and need no one for anything. I want to go so far away form the BS. I want to start over. I really need a new beginning.

Thanks for listening

Re: What the AF??!!?? [Re: Ginger1] #2903901
09/16/20 01:30 AM
09/16/20 01:30 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
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kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,220
Yeah that's really f'd up. Your mom may have been the "crazy' one but your dad doesn't have every marble he should either. I'm sorry you got dealt such a lousy hand for parents. Yet despite all that, you're doing a FANTASTIC job parenting your daughter.

I know you've still got a few years until your daughter graduates high school - but where would you move if that day was today? It's nice to daydream, to start thinking about your choices.

And what does your kitchen really need? Is there a way to refresh it without spending a ton of money?

((((hug)))))

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