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Originally Posted by may22
On the L and D-- I remember you saying before that there were complications to getting divorced in the country where you live now-- are you still worried about that?

It is still tricky, but I've decided to hand off all financial negotiations to my L now. I don't know, even if I don't get everything financially that I deserve, I might still want to move forward with D anyway. I really don't want to spend another breath arguing with this man about anything. My time is too precious. My life is too precious.

A side note - I've started watching Workin' Moms on Netflix and I absolutely LOVE the show!!!


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Good Morning wooba

Yes, let your L deal with all the negotiating and whatnot. You still make the decisions.

Originally Posted by wooba
My time is too precious. My life is too precious.

Amen!

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Wow, Wooba, you sound like you are in a really great place. Good for you!

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wooba Offline OP
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hello all!

Just a quick vent. H & I have been relatively cordial. He's sending me less and less money each month since he cut me off in July, but I'm not going to fret about it. Letting my L handle that part.

He emailed me tonight and said regarding to the transfer of money - "My continued cooperation and flexibility is running short."

and 5 mins later he texted me and asked if he can come over and help with our Halloween party this weekend. "Anything I can bring?"

what. the. heck.

Anyways. I'm meeting a friend tomorrow. Her H works with my H, we were close but drifted apart because H hated her H (surprise! he pretty much hates everybody). I suspect that she's heard something thru the grapevine so is reaching out to me, which I appreciate. I'm happy to be free of H's emotional and social baggage that I can revive some of the old friendships that were lost because of him.

Sometimes I look back and I am so grateful of H's BD. It really changed my life for the better.


Last edited by wooba; 10/27/20 03:16 PM.

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Quote
I'm meeting a friend tomorrow. Her H works with my H, we were close but drifted apart because H hated her H (surprise! he pretty much hates everybody).


My exH didn't hate everybody, but he pretty much only wanted to hang out with the people HE wanted to hang out with. If I liked a woman friend but he didn't think the husband was "cool" enough, then he wouldn't do things with them as a couple. I've made many good friends since my divorce that wouldn't have been my ex's cup of tea.

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Originally Posted by wooba
He emailed me tonight and said regarding to the transfer of money - "My continued cooperation and flexibility is running short."

and 5 mins later he texted me and asked if he can come over and help with our Halloween party this weekend. "Anything I can bring?"


(eyeball roll) MAN. He is the king of passive aggressive behavior, huh? I wonder how he justifies this in his mind. Or... who cares. Although a part of me wants you to text him back in response to "what can I bring?" -- "your continued cooperation and flexibility would be great. TIA!"

smile M


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wooba Offline OP
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Originally Posted by may22
(eyeball roll) MAN. He is the king of passive aggressive behavior, huh? I wonder how he justifies this in his mind. Or... who cares. Although a part of me wants you to text him back in response to "what can I bring?" -- "your continued cooperation and flexibility would be great. TIA!"


What didn't I think of that?! That's ingenious!!!!


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May is hilarious, I can't beat that!

But really, where are these men's head at? You are such a strong, capable human for dealing with it all.

How did the visit with your friend go?

I bet the kids are excited for Halloween. What is your plan for interacting with H?

xx

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Wooba, so it sounds like you've been having quite the party with WH in my absence. Dear lord. Well you sound really good. Really grounded. And like you're weather this storm with just a plethora of grace. Also Working Moms is just fantastic isn't is?

Thinking of you often xoxoxo

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wooba Offline OP
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GOSH guys...here it is...

I told H he is welcome to come to our Halloween party. Given that our recent in-person interactions have been fine, I thought it wouldn't be a big deal. Although for a split second I did wonder whether this would be a good idea. (should've listened to my gut feeling)

H came. brought chips and candy like I asked him to. the kids were playing. and he started talking to me about the divorce. "How much money do you need for the kids' living expenses?" I didn't answer. He kept talking and pressing, "What's take your attorney so long?" I looked at the kids by us playing and I was getting really uncomfortable. I said, "I didn't have you here to have this discussion. If this is what you want talk about, I think you should leave."

This is where it got hostile. H said, "F you!" "This is MY house, I'm not going to leave!" I said, "YOUR house?" He said, "Yes, the lease is under my name. I'm merely extending the courtesy to you to live here."

I didn't say anything. I was upset and shocked by his behavior that I had no words. I think I was more shocked my naivete. Why did I expect that he would behave like a reasonable man?

He kept talking, trying to turn things around. "It's been difficult for me, I keep finding myself in polarized positions....It's really emotional for me to see the kids, and to see you. I was telling [friend] that I still love you, and I will always will............actions speak louder than words."

Me: " Yes. You cussed me out."

I don't even remember what else he said, but eventually he said, "If you want me to leave, I will leave."
Me: "Please leave."

Then he got up, looked at the kids, and asked me, "Should we have the kids vote, see if they want me to leave?"
I said, "I don't think that's a good idea, they have their friends here also."
H: "How ugly do you want this to get?"
Me: "I don't know. You are responsible for your own actions."
H: "Yes, and YOU are responsible for your own actions. You asked me to leave."

Ultimately he left without making things worse. He said to me, "I'm sorry that I was not on my best behavior tonight. I am really stressed out."

I was shaken up and couldn't hold back my tears for a few minutes while all of this was going down.

just wow. nothing's changed.


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