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I suppose he could take her out, but he can't put her carseat in his car and would have to take my van, leaving me here at the house. He is supposed to be with them the whole weekend so i don't think he would settle for less. So it's either I find something to do for the whole weekend or I let him take my van and do whatever (aka spend lots of $), or I hang out at home while he is here.
Maybe it was dumb of me to suggest doing birthday things for her together. I may try to leave for 1 of the nights and go stay at a friend's and just do my daughter's gifts, etc together. I shouldn't really be moving things around to cater to him anyway-he is the one who said he would have them just every other weekend so that is his own fault that he won't be here Monday on her birthday. He has talked about doing birthdays together in the future, but I dont know if I am at that point yet.

Last edited by rachel75; 08/28/20 08:49 PM.
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I think he can do what he likes tbh and he needs to work out logistics if he want to take her. You need to carry on doing what you plan, be it staying there, staying at a friends or just being out during the day.

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Well today i found proof he is in a PA with OW. I feel like I can't breathe. I mean, i saw this coming. still can't breathe. of course he is denying it all and asking how i know. Saw messages of them kissing and talking about how pathetic it is I had checked his facebook (which is where i saw all this coincidentally).

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Just feeling really vengeful right now. He makes money in a not so legal way and I am really tempted to call the police and report him and the place they are both staying. He said he would stop selling these things and obviously still hasn't. At the moment I am so hurt and angry and just want to hurt him back.

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I did not tell him how i knew, but he kept pressing. i am sure he figured it out.

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Slow down, Rachel.

You are running on pure adrenaline right now. Now is not the time to make ANY decisions because you are so emotionally charged.

Allow yourself some time to process this information. In the meantime, don't engage with him, he will try and gaslight you (You checked my FB?! This is why I cheat on you!).

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Hi Rachel,

Sorry you found out. Just know many of us have been where you are. We understand your pain. Going through this process made me a better, stronger person. It is a process none of us wanted. Just know when you come out the other side, everything will be OK.

Take things one minutes at a time if needed. Focus on taking care of you during this phase.


HUGS


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Slow down Rachel and breathe.

Im sorry you are where so many of us have been or still are. I can only tell you that it gets easier!

For now dont do anything, dont make any decisions at all. Process the information, give yourself time. If you need help with kids, go to your family. I remember those times so well and the expectation thay you still somehow need to manage the house and the kids. Please take care of yourself.

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When he first left 9 ish weeks ago, I would not immediately agree to divorce. So he asked, "If I cheat on you (again), will you?" I immediately said yes and he said that is what he may go do then. He later apologized for saying that. Guess he was already in the process though.
I realized he has been barely seeing the kids because he "has so much stuff to do" and has literally just been leaving to hang out with this girl. I at least feel a little bit better so far today, but the sadness/anger usually comes later in the day anyway.

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Thank you for all of your replies. I am trying to slow down or even block my thinking about these things. I kept waking up in the night and fighting bad thoughts off because I knew they would send me down the rabbit trail.

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