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BB205 #2901700 08/09/20 06:25 PM
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BB, you ask a very difficult question. How do you get past the biggest betrayal a human can perpetrate on another human. How do you forgive a lying cheater? I assume you mean how do you forgive a lying cheater to the point you can trust them again? Some forgive their cheating spouse and still choose to divorce. Some forgive, stay together, and struggle with trust for years.

Cadet gave you a great answer: look for action not words.

I'd also suggest a few things that might help, requirements you can require:

1) He and you both get into IC.
2) You both go to MC.
3) He agrees to complete transparency. No locked phones, no accounts you don't know the password to.
4) He agrees to share location with you through a smartphone app (like Life360).

Understand, earning your trust is up to him. He has the hard work to do to prove to you he is back, changed, and past the affair. If he balks at any of that I'd seriously consider filing for D and moving on.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
BB205 #2901766 08/10/20 05:26 PM
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Welcome,


There are many steps and phases to the process of saving and rebuilding a marriage. I do not have first hand experience, just second/third hand stories. Many from here. Others here can give you insights on what worked for them. Read as much as you can. Knowledge is powerful. Definitely get as much professional help as you can.

I have gathered wise quotes from this website over the years:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712

Here is a link you should read:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2061094#Post2061094


At this stage of the process, you should have a list of "non-negotiables". Since you just arrived, this might be one of the the things you work on. Most start like this:

1) Full transparency
2) No further contact.
.
.
.


Get a really good understanding of setting and enforcing boundaries:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536096#Post2536096



I wish you well during this most difficult part of your life.


R2C


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
BB205 #2901869 08/11/20 05:57 PM
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BB, how are you doing?


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
SteveLW #2902008 08/14/20 01:49 AM
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Thanks for everyone for the responses,

Steve85- you freaked me out haha _ but, I have read your replies to others and respect your comments.

H has no contact with OW. for 2 months. He is remorseful - not just sorry. YES, He is a lying ,cheating pig!! He had no intention to leave me for her ( I read his emails ) It was an EA that turned somewhat PA . She gave him and out of the A and he just let it lay... He questions his decisions and regrets that he didn't reach out to me first for emotional support .

That being said, he left me because I gained weight because of my deep depression. I didn't love my self - therefore he didn't love me. I have lost 45 lbs and I now do CrossFit 3 days a week. I feel better and did a 180 and I am loving myself. I started IC and have requested to him to do MC. we are intimate and feel hopeful we can get through this rough patch. Any suggestions are welcome and I invite positive comments.. XX

Last edited by job; 08/14/20 01:30 PM. Reason: added space between paragraphs
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