Dreadfully Optimistic

[BL42]

I don't know anything about the divorce/custody laws in your state but I would second LH19's advice to seek out consultations with multiple lawyers. They will give you the best sense of your rights. If it were me, I'd fight tooth and nail for at least 50/50 custody and the kids not moving away.

[ATLGuy13]

We have both been active parents. She has a job which allows her to work remote, so she can work anywhere. She wants to move from Atlanta to Jefferson, NC which is the middle of nowhere. There are zero employment opportunities for me there. Which is the problem; generally the only compromise in mediation is for the spouse to follow the moving spouse to the same area, and both set up shop their. She didn’t have an issue with my job hopping until recently, but there’s no way to prove that, and now it’s her leading reason for divorce. Nevermind that she was just as unhappy whenever I was working. It’s gaslighting behavior from her that has become typical. Convince me of a false reality so she’s not at fault.

[Valeska19]

We have both been active parents. She has a job which allows her to work remote, so she can work anywhere. She wants to move from Atlanta to Jefferson, NC which is the middle of nowhere. There are zero employment opportunities for me there. Which is the problem;

I highly doubt this. I have plenty of family members who travel 40-60 miles each way for work everyday. Others who work Mon-Thurs up state and come down on the weekends. That doesn't mean you need to follow her or not fight for your kids to stay in the same state... but the argument needs to be based in you having employment - not you complaining about how hard life is.

generally the only compromise in mediation is for the spouse to follow the moving spouse to the same area, and both set up shop their. She didn’t have an issue with my job hopping until recently, but there’s no way to prove that, and now it’s her leading reason for divorce.

Which is it ATL. I get that you are upset and scared but some posts you take full responsibility for your unsteady employment and other times you don't.

Nevermind that she was just as unhappy whenever I was working. It’s gaslighting behavior from her that has become typical. Convince me of a false reality so she’s not at fault.

I'm not a fan of using the word "gaslighting".

Perhaps its true, Perhaps its your perception. Either way it doesn't matter. Folks here are giving you strong advice about getting a job and a lawyer. It's up to you to take it and start focusing on it.

[ATLGuy13]

LH

Can I reach out to you via email?

[LH19]

ATL,

Sorry that is not allowed on the board. What can I help you with?

[ovrrnbw]

I understand you are in pain and I can sympathize with that.

You are blaming her for all this when it's not all her fault. You act like she is wronging you when she seems to be trying to right her own ship. You need to right your ship.

Your talk of her family is more woe is me about things you can't control.

Your job woes appear to be one that will travel, but if you couldn't stay employed in a city of Atlanta's size then you know what the issue is.

You appear to be disheartened by the fact that you won't get alimony. People only get what they earn. Have you put in the work? You live in America, there should be no excuses. The opportunity is there.

Seneca said "everything is a matter of judgment."

There is no reattach right now for you. Let her go. Stop trying to control her and this sitch.

[ATLGuy13]

I am not controlling her, she wants a divorce. I don’t want a divorce but if so lets split everything “fair and equitable” according to the law, and coparent our son 50/50 in the same community.

[ovrrnbw]

I thought you said you wanted her to stay in the town you are in and pay you alimony. I'm not saying you're a control freak either so I hope you're not taking it that way. That's not the focus of my post so don't get hung up on that. Hows things today?

[ATLGuy13]

Well, I have emotional dips and dives. Sometimes I over blame her, and other times I over blame myself. Most of the time I have a level head, and can be fairly positive. I want to co-parent with her for our son 50/50. Not unreasonable. So to do that she would have to stay in the town she’s lived in for 20 years. She moved here for a job, and met me half way into that. We decided to have a kid here. So, her demand to go home just seems childish to me. 42 is a weird age to demand to go back home.

[Valeska19]

Well, I have emotional dips and dives. Sometimes I over blame her, and other times I over blame myself. Most of the time I have a level head, and can be fairly positive. I want to co-parent with her for our son 50/50. Not unreasonable.

All makes sense. Those are not unreasonable requests....

So to do that she would have to stay in the town she’s lived in for 20 years.

Is that you saying that? Or a L? and the 20 years doesn't matter.

She moved here for a job, and met me half way into that. We decided to have a kid here. So, her demand to go home just seems childish to me. 42 is a weird age to demand to go back home.

This is pure judgement and not helpful. It only fuels your entitlement. You can disagree with her wants/decisions w/o criticizing her. Not easy when you are have strong emotions but not impossible either.