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FlySolo #2903643 09/12/20 02:43 PM
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Hey FS. Thinking of you and hoping you are well... (((HUGS)))

FlySolo #2905719 10/14/20 10:06 AM
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How's things, FS? Going well, I hope xx

FlySolo #2912074 01/08/21 09:05 AM
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It's been ages since I last wrote and I'm sorry for that. Combination of work and nothing really of value to report. I guess there is some value in having nothing of value to report - it means I am no longer caught up in the endless tunnels of my ex. I realise those tunnels were created by me and I stayed lost in them so long is also on me. Yes, he left. But I chose to remain stuck.

Happy new year guys. I will try and catch up on everyone's thread later today but wanted to give a quick update.

Yes, I am alive and well. Content (as much as we can be with all the madness happening outside my four walls) if not always happy.
Yes, mentally, if not legally, I have moved on. It is possible to do. Time does heal. You will know that you have moved on when you are no longer concerned with what they do or don't do. I do however, wish him well and hope that his choices bring him happiness (PS - there is no sub-text here).
No, I am not with anyone else and I am not actively dating. Now is not the time for it. I keep busy with work, the children and trying to keep in touch with the people who matter.

That's the bare bones of it.

And despite the sh!t we find ourselves in, I am more hopeful going into 2021 then I was going into 2020.


W40 (me), H40
M14, Together 16
D12, D9

BD Oct 17
Moved out Mar 18

FlySolo #2912075 01/08/21 09:12 AM
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And for my friends in the US - my thoughts are with you. I send a warm cup of tea or a glass of whisky. I will drink either or both with you virtually. It is not much but all I can offer from this distance. We keep on the side of hope.


W40 (me), H40
M14, Together 16
D12, D9

BD Oct 17
Moved out Mar 18

FlySolo #2912155 01/08/21 09:26 PM
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Hi FS,

Thanks for stopping by and checking in! It is great to hear from you and I've been wondering how you are doing. Would love to know how things are going with your daughter! And thanks for the tea or whisky.... I've been needing both smile

xx M


Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing
FlySolo #2912222 01/09/21 07:39 PM
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FS, your little pop in to say hi made me smile!! I'm glad you're well. I'm glad you're out of the tunnel. I think of you often.

I might take you up on that whiskey offer and have one tonight. I'll toast to you. No comment on the sitch over here aside from the obvious. I will say that in my social circle of friends/fam I'm glad to report we are all taking care of one another emotionally at this time, and we are all mf'in emotionally exhausted.

I'd love to hear more about your life currently if you find anything fun to report. I realize it's not really fun right now in lockdown.

Stay safe, and cheers to the optimism of 2021.

FlySolo #2912266 01/10/21 10:03 AM
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Originally Posted by FlySolo
It's been ages since I last wrote and I'm sorry for that. Combination of work and nothing really of value to report. I guess there is some value in having nothing of value to report - it means I am no longer caught up in the endless tunnels of my ex. I realise those tunnels were created by me and I stayed lost in them so long is also on me. Yes, he left. But I chose to remain stuck.


I'm happy that you realize that you were the main culprit in being stuck. I could see it from thousands of miles away. Time does eventually heal all wounds.

Originally Posted by FlySolo
Yes, mentally, if not legally, I have moved on. It is possible to do. Time does heal. You will know that you have moved on when you are no longer concerned with what they do or don't do.


Good for you!

Originally Posted by FlySolo
I do however, wish him well and hope that his choices bring him happiness (PS - there is no sub-text here).


This is healthy. I too wish my XW happiness. It was pretty surreal for me to get to this place.

I'm glad you gave us an update. We hadn't heard from you in awhile, and I was wondering what was happening in your sitch. It's tough, but have faith that eventually you will look at this time as a blessing in disguise.

FlySolo #2912329 01/11/21 02:12 PM
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Hey FS. I've been slowly making rounds for everyone that I used to talk with on here. I had to get offline during divorce proceedings which took 1 1/2 yrs. D still not final but only some loose ends to tie up.

I read through your sitch and it's VERY similar to mine. My X was involved with someone the whole time and wouldn't be honest about it.

It helped to read your progress. Gave me hope.

I just found out about OW a few days ago but I am already turning a corner emotionally.

It was a relief to read that you are emotionally in a good place! (Selfishly, again, that gives me comfort!)


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
FlySolo #2912342 01/11/21 03:37 PM
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May - I have read the last few pages on your thread, and oh, how far you've come. Not just in terms of your sitch, but also how you have been offering such kindness and guidance to others who have come after you.

I see so much of me in you. The tunnels, the self-reflection, the endless wondering. I ask that you turn your keen eye, intelligence and ability to get to the hub of that matter inwards. Read through your thread. Take a birds eye view, not as the OP, but as a person reading it - with kindness but with no attachment. What advice would you give yourself?

You've got this. I have faith that you can withstand anything. But don't get stuck in what was and what could be. Focus on what is.

FS


W40 (me), H40
M14, Together 16
D12, D9

BD Oct 17
Moved out Mar 18

FlySolo #2912359 01/11/21 04:56 PM
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Yail - my beautiful friend. I hope you are well and surviving the madness outside with the same dignity, fortitude and compassion and wit that you've shown weathering storms of old. It was reading the news over there that made me want to reach out and see how you all were. I know you will get through this. It is a pity, like the storms of old, that you have to.

How is the 'flirtation'? I remember you were quite enamored with her?

Hmn, not sure there is anything 'fun' to report. Surviving. Bad days and good. I think you put it right when you said mf'g exhausted smile

The nice smelling man and I had a very intense 2 month courtship. We fell into step very quickly and unsurprisingly, it burnt away quickly. I have no regrets. It was a good two months. We message/speak on the phone from time to time (polite, friendly, lot of banter) but there is no flirtation - not because the chemistry is gone, it very much isn't, but we are both a little scared and unsure of one another. Words said and unsaid.

Maybe I'm not as healed as I thought I was smile.

D14 and I are still at logger heads, and this is the main point of contention between H and I. They are closer now than ever, and she turns to him whenever she sees I have done her some type of injustice. He tries to give me parenting advice, and I really really don't want parenting advice from him.

It's hard. I love D14 and wish we had the relationship we had. Be too hard on her she withdraws, be too over the top and loving, she withdraws. All I can be is consistently available without putting pressure on her.

H and I are less friendly then we were. We can no longer be in the same room anymore. I am unwilling to bend in a way I was before. It's OK. Water off a sheeps back mainly (except when it comes to D14, where I often find myself crying in my room once they've gone).

What else, um, I spend time with friends. My 'social bubble' is the boy I had that flirtation with all those years ago. We go to each others houses, watch films, cook dinner and just hang out. Purely platonic. But it's nice.

That's it. Apart from that I probably drink too much wine.

I hope you are well Yail.

FS


W40 (me), H40
M14, Together 16
D12, D9

BD Oct 17
Moved out Mar 18

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