Yes - you are right. And he has been messaging me. Not as full on as some of the others have been but he is definitely interested. I get the impression that he is stand offish (like me) and doesn't want to come on too strong. So we have chatted about the meteor shower (last night) and also about fans (I had recommended the dyson one and he mentioned he's not been able to find anywhere where it's in stock). He did say that it's a pity I am off to Croatia (tomorrow) and will be gone for a week but he has scheduled a meet up on the day I get back.
I have so far been really honest (about my kids, about my age, about the fact that I don't have a lot of spare time) and he hasn't run. So I guess that's good. I just need to take it as it comes I guess and not overthink.
In other news ... I am flying out tomorrow morning and have loads planned for the weekend (hiking in national parks, taking an island hopping tour, exploring caves) and I am really excited. During the day I'll still need to work but I'll have the evenings and the weekends. In true virtual travel buddy style, I will keep you and yail posted. If only we could post pictures ...
Yail - Haven't scheduled second tattoo yet. It's on the cards for September as need to get through all the holidays first (tattoos apparently do not like being in the sun or soaking in beaches/pools).
Alison - I forgot to respond to your message about having two massive tattoos !!!! I think we get images in our head (which probably don't have any bearing on reality) and your post forced me to rethink that mental image. My image of you has always been of someone warm and articulate and very capable but also soccer mom like. That soccer mum image is now gone and there is definite less 'pastel and beige' (not that there is anything wrong with that - I wear a lot of pastel and beige). Although you were always prone to favoring red lipstick in my mental image.
Thank you Yail. It has been astonishingly amazingly awesome (thought I'd practice some light hearted alliteration to lighten the mood). Two more days and I return to normality
I've based myself in Split and to be honest have not ventured too far out. On the whole I've stuck to my original plans, although the early morning runs I had planned never materialised. I did manage pre-breakfast dips in the sea. The hotel is only running at 20% ceg apacity (the restaurant and hotel beach bar is closed, the spa is only open by reservation and the hot tubs are not available) but even then it has been exquisite. I have been largely sheltered from the impact of Covid, but being here and talking to the hotel owner really sends home how this has affected business. He has had to let all his staff go and the whole operation is being run by him and members of his family. Despite that the service has been outstanding. When he found out I would be largely working during my visit, he set me up with a desk which looks out to the glass fronted balcony which in turn looks out to the sea, a second monitor and a proper work chair. He and his family cannot do enough to make my stay enjoyable.
I did spend the weekend touring. Island hopping Saturday and going into Old Town Sunday. I've even managed a hike to the top of a fortress. DV you must must come here next year !!!
The day I arrived, my solicitor emailed me copies of signed consent forms from H and a covering letter saying how frustrated he is at my lack of engagement re the mediator. The letter was dated the day before I left for Croatia. He had seen me in person twice and had exchanged numerous texts with me about the children. He never once mentioned he'd signed the papers. I guess it goes both ways. I never once mentioned I'd filed. He has made it difficult to get in touch with the kids - he doesn't respond to texts and then I'll just randomly get a call from D10. Sometimes, because I am not expecting it, I miss the call and it will be followed by a text from him along the lines of "D10 tried to call you but you didn't pick up". At least when he is away I have the decency to send him a text first to make sure he is available. Other than the email from the solicitor and being annoyed at him, I have not really given him much thought.
The guy I met has been messaging and even called once or twice and I am allowing myself the luxury of cautiously 'liking' him. It is nice to have someone I actually like message / call just to ask me how my day is going.
Just wanted to check in and say... a man with all Aesops toiletries... DANG, WOMAN. And good books. Agree with everyone else about enjoying where you are and taking it slow and all the rest but that sounds truly fun and nice to be in that position right now. Enjoy.
So glad you are enjoying your vacation too. It is amazing to be somewhere with no-one else and a silver lining to the whole COVID situation. You sound great.
On the communication with D10/14-- can you find a way to communicate with them directly instead of needing to go through your H? My D10 has set up an email account and while she can only use the iPad with permission, she has it during distance learning/school time and emails me the cutest emails from time to time. I'm wondering if your kids have access to a tablet and maybe *this* is what WhatsApp is for? Seems like it would be ideal, if at all possible, to cut your H out of the triangle for communicating with the kids.
xx M
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
Yes, I knew I was in trouble once I saw the Aesops toiletries .
D10 lost her phone about 3 weeks ago and because it is a pay as you go. I am not sure why, but it has taken H a long time to get a replacement SIM with the same number. Apparently it was due to arrive last week so should be ready for her when she comes back. D14 will not answer her phone or respond to messages ... even before I became the worse mum in the world she was never one for communicating with her parents. The only messages I ever got from her were "Where are you?", "Can I buy ...?". Teenagers
Last day here today. I woke up extra early and went for a walk along the beach followed by calls home (Aus). It really is glorious here and I am very fortunate and grateful that I have the means and the opportunity to do things like this.
So, for those of you starting out and focusing on what you don't have anymore, life can be beautiful. Not the life you had planned on, but beautiful just the same.
Your holiday sounds amazing FS, even if it's a working one
Your new chap sounds promising! I can kind of understand the running away thing actually. My new man wanted to come over for the weekend when the kids were away and I panicked and backed off (it was also after the few days feeling terrible about H and just generally quite emotional). And then my friends told me to talk to him and I did and he was lovely about it and we agreed to just meet up near his and then I ended up staying the night at his place anyway and it was great. So my advice would be: if you panic or feel trapped or otherwise unsure and you know it's YOU not him, talk to him about it. Tell him what you're feeling, because if he's decent he will be understanding and if he's not decent then you don't want to be with him. It's hard though when you're used to hiding your feelings for so long with a H you couldn't be honest with. I completely identify with that, old patterns are hard to break.
My teens only communicate with me via text in emojis or in code. Most of them are unintelligible. That's teens for you Let's just hope they grow out of it eventually!!
I am ok now. I was able to pass off the running away as simply having had too much to drink and wanting to be in my own bed. We had been messaging on and off whilst I was away which was nice. It wasn't full on but it was enough to know that we were still thinking of each other. I saw him the day after I got back. We went to dinner and I ended up staying at his. We stayed up most of the night talking. Nothing in particular, music, art, books.
It was a working day next day so I brought my laptop just in case and he set me up in his room whilst he worked in the living room. We were both busy with work, but it was very 'comfortable' - cups of tea, and kisses on the top of the head when we walked past each other. He even gave me his keys so I could pop out and get coffee (he doesn't drink coffee).
We made vague plans about meeting up again when I get back from my holiday with the children (I go today for a week). Again, cautiously optimistic.
H came around on my last day of holiday and discovered I had changed the locks and was NOT happy about it. I got a string of angry messages about "joint property", "legally obliged" blah blah blah. I wrote him a very well worded email saying I would not be giving him a new set of keys, that his insistence on coming and going is "unreasonable, unnecessary and unnerving" and he could "apply to the Courts if he wished to take it further". He is going to take it up with my solicitor. Not sure what him taking it up with my solicitor will achieve (she works for me) but oh well.
Anyway, Croatia was amazing, things are going well(ish) with the new man and H is p*ssed at me. All good my side then.
Wow!!! Your vacation sounds amazing FS. Your new man also sounds like a good one and nice that he is letting you dictate the pace. But more than this... WOW... good for you for changing the locks and not letting your H bully you into giving him keys. Proud of you. It will be interesting to see what his next move is. Regardless...you set a healthy boundary!!! Good for you. Hope you have a great time with your kids!! (((HUGS)))
I second what DV said. I'm so glad you have movement. I know (I guess) it is still occasionally awful, but having a firm direction I hope brings you forward. I was pleased to hear about the locks and I think it was an appropriate time for that decision.
. 