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Well, crud! How many Steve's are on this forum? Apologies to the Steve of this thread. I got the Steve's mix up. blush


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted by sandi2
Well, crud! How many Steve's are on this forum? Apologies to the Steve of this thread. I got the Steve's mix up. blush




Just like when I was in school. There were as many as 4 other Steves in my classroom! LOL


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Thanks all of the advice.

I understand both sides -- maybe a year ago, I would say my impulse to reach out was very much NGS. In this case, I feel it's really just more about doing the decent thing. I am not angry with her, I'm not trying to hurt her or cause a scene in front of her family. I assume this will invoke a larger discussion whether or not I give her a heads up.

As a poster said before, we generally have an amicable relationship and unlike some situations with exes, I don't believe her to be a bad person or something worth attacking. But I will also say that in most situations in which I've been somewhat ambivalent or whether to do something or not do them, I've ended up doing it and regretting it.

For someone additional context, we have had approximately 0 discussions about D and while that is clearly the most likely outcome of our situation, this move will be extremely surprising to her. It is the right thing for me to do, for myself, right now -- but it will definitely surprise her.

Last edited by SteveS; 11/19/20 02:52 PM.

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I will just just file the final papers.
For reference.


Me: 34
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Originally Posted by Mumin
I will just just file the final papers.
For reference.


For 100% clarity, I did file -- four months ago. I did so on the advice of my lawyer, who advised me to file in order to stop the accrual of assets as of that date. However there is a statute in NYS where you have to serve after four months, or withdraw and refile, which would then reset the date as of the new filing.

So this isn't about filing so much as it's about serving.


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Originally Posted by SteveS
Originally Posted by Mumin
I will just just file the final papers.
For reference.


For 100% clarity, I did file -- four months ago. I did so on the advice of my lawyer, who advised me to file in order to stop the accrual of assets as of that date. However there is a statute in NYS where you have to serve after four months, or withdraw and refile, which would then reset the date as of the new filing.

So this isn't about filing so much as it's about serving.


So what is the question? If the goal was to freeze the accrual of assets, and not serving would reset that date (presumably to a refile date of today or later) why would you not have her served?


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Originally Posted by Steve85
Originally Posted by SteveS
Originally Posted by Mumin
I will just just file the final papers.
For reference.


For 100% clarity, I did file -- four months ago. I did so on the advice of my lawyer, who advised me to file in order to stop the accrual of assets as of that date. However there is a statute in NYS where you have to serve after four months, or withdraw and refile, which would then reset the date as of the new filing.

So this isn't about filing so much as it's about serving.


So what is the question? If the goal was to freeze the accrual of assets, and not serving would reset that date (presumably to a refile date of today or later) why would you not have her served?


The serving is going to happen. I'm full of very strong ambivalent feelings about it, but that ship has sailed.

I'm mostly just processing how I'm feeling about it, and wondering if it is the right thing to do to give her heads up about it, or not.


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OK, I think the heads-up text is not a big deal.

There's 3 reasons why you would not want to send it (summarizing what everyone is saying here):

1. She may dodge service and run out the clock (sounds unlikely).
2. Your X is a horrible person (not the case).
3. You are expecting an R talk or some connection (NGS - not the case).

In my case, #1 was a concern and #2 helped.

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