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KitCat Offline OP
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Old Thread.... https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2898345#Post2898345

Well... LMAO... so he dug out his yearbooks while he was here and then took off without taking them. Has already called once and made a suggestion about options but left it at that.

Now, he is texting... Can he come tomorrow? Keep in mind its an hour each way to get here and one of the reasons he left was the commute.

D*A*M*N he must want those yearbooks. So I'm human. I've already seen my H's senior pics... ehhh... would not have dated him when I was in high school. But, he was a jock - big football player. So I picked up the book he was looking through when I came back after playing with the dog. Sure enough he was checking out OW senior yearbook picture. They graduated HS together.

Which is why I said "we have a share history" but they have also have a very long involved "shared history". They are from the same small town and H and OW each have siblings that were in the same class too. I'm 1000% positive they never dated previously, but have been friends for 40yrs.

That's what I'm up against.

Keeping NC and not looking over my shoulder.

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Originally Posted by Steve85
KC, what I can say is that this stuff is difficult. I know I come across as harsh with you at times. That is not my intent. I just feel so much for you, and understand your struggle. It is like when my W was depressed at the end of her EAs. Watching her hurt over another man was brutal. So please know, I understand your pain.

My goal for you is to get past that pain asap. And the only way to do that is to move on. So when I see you backtracking I get stern....not because I don't care, but because I do.

I wish I could give you a magic-wand that you could wave and make this all go away. Unfortunately, there is not. Please just keep protecting yourself. Think of expectations as more opportunities to hurt you again. When you drop the expectations, you take away his ability to hurt you. Admittedly, that doesn't happen overnight.

((((((((((KC)))))))))))))


Thank you Steve...

It's not so hurt as it is disappointment.... and then wishing more than anything it would be different.

I know what I need to do and what I should have been doing. NC.

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Oh man KC, you just keep right on laying your hand on the hot stove. How many times do you have to get burned? He's fully invested in OW, you already know this so why do you keep sending yourself spinning over every new "revelation" that's really just the same old news? I know it's tough to let go, but you've got to find a way. You can't keep temperature checking him like you did in this latest visit. All he sees is desperation, and that's not attractive.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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KitCat Offline OP
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I stepped in the hornets nest...

Why did I break NC and tell him he has mail here????

He's at my home. He brings the puppy.

He forgets things... CALLS... then texts....

Not one word about attys, FO, or D in 6 weeks. NOT EVEN TODAY.

AND ---- Apparently THEY have been FB official relationship since JUNE 4. AND.... this incredibly dark haired brunette is NOW a blond... (I'm blond...)

I feel like the biggest fool on the planet.... I know everyone said it here... he's over you. He's moved on... But, for the two of them to do it like this and we aren't even divorced... he won't even get an atty. WTH????

Good luck getting a hold of me now dude.... NOT HAPPENING... Any crap that here... go through my atty.

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Hi KC
Just wanted to drop in and say I’m praying for you. Don’t worry about what he’s doing. It’s inconsequential to your life right now. And the more you focus on the H and what he’s doing and why the less focus you can put on yourself and your recovery.

It’s ok that he’s “Facebook” official. Doesn’t change anything that you didn’t already know. As far as the D. There’s no rush on that. I mean why? If I had to guess it’s just easier to deal with you while you have false hope and continue to do everything you can to get him to take notice of you. Makes it easier to get what he wants out of you. IMO its a form of manipulation.

I’m going to tell you something and it may come off harsh and that’s not my intention. However, for now, your husband is over you. He’s not coming back. He doesn’t love you. He’s doesn’t respect you. He’s the not the same person you married. Your relationship isn’t the same as when you married him. He believes he loves another woman. He doesn’t love you anymore. Please understand that. He doesn’t want to be married to you. He wants very little to do with you unless it benefits him. I promise you he’s noticed every single attempt you’ve made to get him to notice you. I guarantee he’s relieved when he leaves. It doesn’t matter if he’s married to you. He doesn’t want to be. I don’t care how subtle you think you’re coming off. At best he doesn’t think to much about you the moment he leaves. At worst he’s going home and telling the OM everything.

I hope you consider IC. I know you are doing some book reading and doing those steps. But the progress I’ve personally made and a lot of people on here have been with the help of a professional. There’s no shame in it.

I’m going to continue to follow your sitch in the hopes you make a sustained breakthrough. And I will continue to pray for you and wish you nothing but peace and comfort


Me: 40
EX:37
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11

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Originally Posted by KitCat
Apparently THEY have been FB official relationship since JUNE 4. He's moved on... But, for the two of them to do it like this and we aren't even divorced... he won't even get an atty. WTH????

I thought you asked him not to D you and helped release money for him to buy a house. What's his motivation to D? I was similarly in no hurry to complete D once the custody and money and assets were settled. It meant nothing to me and seemed to mean a bunch to my ex-wife. Once your attorney pushes terms for legal S or D, he'll probably attorney up, too. D is waiting whenever you want it.

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KK,

I’m sorry to hear about your latest update. It’s so hard for newbies to follow our advice because it feels counterintuitive to what they want to do. Your husband has no respect for you or your marriage and unfortunately your mistakes makes matters worse. I hope the latest showing of disrespect wakes you up and shows you the kind of man he really is and you use that to detach and let go.

Take care of yourself.

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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Originally Posted by KitCat
Apparently THEY have been FB official relationship since JUNE 4. He's moved on... But, for the two of them to do it like this and we aren't even divorced... he won't even get an atty. WTH????

I thought you asked him not to D you and helped release money for him to buy a house. What's his motivation to D? I was similarly in no hurry to complete D once the custody and money and assets were settled. It meant nothing to me and seemed to mean a bunch to my ex-wife. Once your attorney pushes terms for legal S or D, he'll probably attorney up, too. D is waiting whenever you want it.


I have told him I do not want this D.

I never released funds... they are still locked up. I had an order drafted that if he signed he could have immediate access to 1/2 of the broker funds and acknowledge that those were part of the final settlement... BUT, he never asked for the paperwork.

My atty is not pushing anything. She knows I don't want the D. So we just sit idle.

All I can do is go NC. Find a life coach or something... keep reading.

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Originally Posted by JosephS


I’m going to tell you something and it may come off harsh and that’s not my intention. However, for now, your husband is over you. He’s not coming back. He doesn’t love you. He’s doesn’t respect you. He’s the not the same person you married. Your relationship isn’t the same as when you married him. He believes he loves another woman. He doesn’t love you anymore. Please understand that. He doesn’t want to be married to you. He wants very little to do with you unless it benefits him. I promise you he’s noticed every single attempt you’ve made to get him to notice you. I guarantee he’s relieved when he leaves. It doesn’t matter if he’s married to you. He doesn’t want to be. I don’t care how subtle you think you’re coming off. At best he doesn’t think to much about you the moment he leaves. At worst he’s going home and telling the OM everything.



Thank you for letting me know he notices...

I don't know why its so important but it is.

And, he does love her. He does not love me. He is not coming back. He does not want to be married to me.

Thank you for praying for me - I can use all the prayers I can get.

Tonight [censored].

Last edited by KitCat; 06/25/20 01:21 AM.
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So he hasn't bothered with his yearbooks in a decade... he left them behind today when he was here.

He called... I answered... discussed options... said he would figure something out.

He texted again around noon... stating he forgot to pick up his CPAP mask from the Dr office while in town so when do I go into to work tomorrow... I just answered with "8" (((SIDE NOTE: He hasn't lived in this town for 3 months. This is a corporate Dr office with a location in his current town... why are you driving an hour for CPAP Mask???)))

NOW, he is texting me at 9pm asking me to leave the stuff outside.

I'm not responding...

I'm done being disrespected. I'm busting my ass to be a better person. I've been nothing but kind and calm EVERY TIME he has been at my house.

I did ask for favor today --------------- blew me off.

I am not answering your phone calls... I am not answering your texts....

Last edited by KitCat; 06/25/20 01:24 AM.
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