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A Message from Michele
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Re: WW post D (Thanks BenB part 4) [Re: Mumin] #2898124
06/22/20 02:49 PM
06/22/20 02:49 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 7,488
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Steve85 Offline
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Steve85  Offline
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I agree with the general consensus that Tinder at this point is not the right approach. Though I am not a fan of Tinder from a morality standpoint anyway.

But at this point, Tinder would be like trying to band-aid a severed limb.


M(51), W(52),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: WW post D (Thanks BenB part 4) [Re: Mumin] #2898127
06/22/20 03:03 PM
06/22/20 03:03 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,197
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Ginger1 Offline
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Ginger1  Offline
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Tinder from a morality standpoint? Do elaborate.

Iíve been on it. There are people looking to cheat, there are people looking for one night stands, and there are also people looking for relationship ships. Itís a platform for people to do what they will, which they will do on other platforms as well, although much more discreet. I think the positivity of this platform is people arenít afraid to say it.

Itís the people who pretend to be all high and moral and go and cheat anyways. And they never needed Tinder for it. Itís those who claim they are looking for a relationship and really just want to hone in on their flirting skills and arenít near ready, but arenít honest about.

Double standards and dishonesty is really whatís wrong in this world

Re: WW post D (Thanks BenB part 4) [Re: Mumin] #2898132
06/22/20 03:58 PM
06/22/20 03:58 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,457
Missouruh
O
ovrrnbw Offline
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ovrrnbw  Offline
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Joined: May 2018
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Missouruh
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Practicing flirting on women who are online dating looking for something real healed from there stuff is not fine IMHO.

But Iím realizing people donít share my opinion as evidenced by the men I am finding in the online dating world.


I really don't read too much into the online dating and what the rules and social contracts are. I've never done it but I do think he should get out in the real world and interact like I said earlier and ultimately he is just talking about ways to accomplish that and he is here for help.

Quote
Double standards and dishonesty is really whatís wrong in this world

Preach on!


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

Married 4 years
Together 8 years

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Re: WW post D (Thanks BenB part 4) [Re: Mumin] #2898168
06/22/20 09:24 PM
06/22/20 09:24 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 287
M
Mumin Offline OP
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Mumin  Offline OP
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M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 287
First off thanks for all the replies! Ovr, Ginger, Steve, Vapo!

I see a lot of good input in every post! Thanks!
I fully agree that my main issue/focus is to heal and work on myself but like Ovr said practicing flirting is part of that.

When I actually start (which is probably 2 months from now, or even longer) I will be very transparent about my situation and that I am NOT looking for an R. I will be out to meet women and have fun.
For me this is all about getting my swag/mojo/confidence back with women and "re-learning" flirting. It is part of the my growth process. I am not sure I will want to pursue an actual R in any less than 2-3 years. I have so much I want to learn and work on and I dont think it would be appropriate with the kids.
Anyway, I dont think or hope that Tinder will be my primary "source" for meeting women but where I live and in my age its either Tinder or irl. I my understanding other apps or dating sites dont really apply. Unless you get invited to secret communities like BenB. cry

All reading I do is to get a better understanding of myself, women, life in general, behaviors etc and to establish a reference when needed. So, I know 3% man might mainly be for later but I am sure it will be helpful nonetheless.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Re: WW post D (Thanks BenB part 4) [Re: Mumin] #2898380
06/24/20 08:41 PM
06/24/20 08:41 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,187
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Vapo Offline
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Vapo  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,187
Dude,

this is so wrong on so many levels, I caN'T EVEN BEGIN TO COUNT. So, yeah, You are going to get Tinder just to talk to women. What do you take us for? Idiots? That is seeking outside solutions for inner problems. It does not work. EVER! Period. Broken attracts broken, and you, my friend, are broken.

The longer you take avoiding making work on yourself, the longer your path to wholesomness will take.

A perfectly realistic scenario wold be, you bag a hottie. Wild sex, you go thinking you are healed, but inner problem persist, 2 yrs later, back to square 1.

Re: WW post D (Thanks BenB part 4) [Re: Mumin] #2898453
06/25/20 12:01 PM
06/25/20 12:01 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 287
M
Mumin Offline OP
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Mumin  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 287
Thanks for input there has been a bit of diverisity in topics.
I will consider and answer more later.

Now I would appreciate some input on a current matter:
My father in law just contacted me.
Me and W grew up in the same city and her father lives close to my parents.
Now that me and the kids are going to spend a week at my parents he wrote:
"I heard you are coming to town with the kids. I really hope you and the kids come and visit. We can eat ice cream in the garden" (He is 75 yrs old and Corona risk person)

TBH I really dont want to meet him right now (he reminds me a lot about W and he prescibed birth control pills for her way back in January). It also feels wrong that I am to be responsible for allowing kids to meet grandfather (on mothers side). I dont think W will travel to her father.
At the same time, of course the kids should be able to meet their both their grand parents (if they want to).

What is your take on this? If I do it this time I will be expcted to do it every time I go to visit my parents...
IF we actually go there I will of course be faced with talking about me and W...


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Re: WW post D (Thanks BenB part 4) [Re: Mumin] #2898454
06/25/20 12:42 PM
06/25/20 12:42 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 5,236
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LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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M,

I think this is where your core values come into play and what's best for your children.

You do not have to discuss your sitch if you chose not to.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: WW post D (Thanks BenB part 4) [Re: Mumin] #2898472
06/25/20 03:53 PM
06/25/20 03:53 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,457
Missouruh
O
ovrrnbw Offline
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ovrrnbw  Offline
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O
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 2,457
Missouruh
"We have plans already but thanks for asking. Maybe W can bring them sometime!"


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

Married 4 years
Together 8 years

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Re: WW post D (Thanks BenB part 4) [Re: ovrrnbw] #2898498
06/25/20 06:39 PM
06/25/20 06:39 PM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 17
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dunnm Offline
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dunnm  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 17
Another vote for core values. What is best for you kids?

Re: WW post D (Thanks BenB part 4) [Re: Mumin] #2898502
06/25/20 06:48 PM
06/25/20 06:48 PM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 17
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dunnm Offline
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dunnm  Offline
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Posts: 17
Not to mention a high risk 75 year old who obviously cares. Bring some happiness to a s£Ä$ situation ( you & W) and a currently s£Ä$ world.

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