WW post D (Thanks BenB part 4)

[Vapo]

You are too set to make some grand gesture or some proclamation, just to make an impact with her (on her). Say it with actions, not words. Time for talk is long gone...

[AnotherStander]

You are too set to make some grand gesture or some proclamation, just to make an impact with her (on her). Say it with actions, not words. Time for talk is long gone...

Exactly! Don't tell her you're not going to discuss the R with her, just don't discuss it. Whenever she brings it up then just validate. "It sounds like you're really struggling", stuff like that. If she ASKS you why you're not directly discussing the R, THEN tell her that as far as you are concerned, as long as she is with someone else there is no R.

She loves talking with her friend because her friend is telling her what she wants to hear. WAS's love that cr*p.

[Vapo]

She loves talking with her friend because her friend is telling her what she wants to hear. WAS's love that cr*p.

Exactamundo!

[Mumin]

You are all so right!! Thank you!
Vapo thank you for checking in again! You always have a balanced and straightforward answer!
AS always so great validation advice!
LH thanks again for sticking with me!

You are too set to make some grand gesture or some proclamation, just to make an impact with her (on her). Say it with actions, not words. Time for talk is long gone...

To clarify I am NOT going to say that expecting her to end it. I know she won't and I know it wouldnt make anything better long-term.
AS your way of wording it is so great! After a short setback I feel much more leveled.
Actually, I think it was good with a reminder/new loss as well as som 2x4's. So thanks again!

What is mostly bugging me is how she all of a sudden seems to be fine with how thing are and in no rush to move forward practically. Though I am to blame for allowing her back in my life a bit. I need to plan more and be smarter (and sometimes rude (NGS = dont like to be rude)) when it comes to not engaging too much with her.
However I don't want to live like this too much longer.

XW,
Good morning. Hopefully you and your "friend(s)" are having or had a great time in "LOCATION". I want to let you know that I am fully aware of what you have been up to the last several months and it is crystal clear to me now, your desire to leave our marriage.
Going forward, I plan to be fully committed to be the best co-parent possible and I will continue to work to remove your name from our last shared accounts. I am motivated to make things happen and will communicate my progress to you as I have been doing. I will not be doing anything with you beyond that, for the foreseeable future.
Additionally, I am requesting all of our communication be done by email, unless a phone call or text message is absolutely necessary.
Have a great day.

I really enjoyed and got inspired by this quote from "Quotes on...".
The mindset he has when typing this is where my mindset should be though an email like the below might be too soon given we will probably live together for an additional 4-14 months. Depend son what she wants and how long it takes to sell the house amidst Corona.

She loves talking with her friend because her friend is telling her what she wants to hear. WAS's love that cr*p.

So true!

Keeping at it! Will read AS post over and over on my way home tonight.
Did a chest and shoulder workout today and hit the golf range over lunch (working from home isnt too bad)

[Mumin]

Happened to get on the same bus as W to work this morning.
I had some bags and so did she so she sat down behind me. VERY strange to sit there in (mostly) quiet!
We used to ride the bus together fairly often.

Made me a bit sad.
Time to get to work and dust of!

[Mumin]

Journal
Had a great first real summer weekend with the kids. Swimming, barbecue etc

Tonight me and W spoke briefly about the house.
She said we can't keep living like this. I agreed.
She says she doesn't want us to sell because it's better if the kids can live in the house at least half the time.
She might bring in her own realtor.
I just said, of course you can do that. It is totally up to you.
I told how much she would be able to get from me in cash if I buy her out of the house.

Well see..

[Mumin]

More journal. On phone.
It's funny, we only really talk when she is back home. (yesterday and today were her days).
Not sure what that says about my NC. Today she initiated. Yesterday not sure.

I came home late after a gym session and sort of interrupted bed time.
Kids ran to me and said I should put to bed instead. I said it is up to you guys.
W got pissed and went to her cabin.
Then after i put them to bed she started writing to me on Facebook. (I'm literally less than 10 meters away from her.)
She was being very business, few words. So was I
Anyway, we planned out the whole summer. Which days we will switch kids etc.
She also asked if we should split cost to buy the kids an iPad each. I sad maybe, I'll think about it.
Not sure we should be buying things "together" post filing.

[Traveler]

Kids ran to me and said I should put to bed instead. I said it is up to you guys.
W got pissed and went to her cabin.

I can understand her being pissed since it was her custody day, and you decided to tell the kids they could choose who put them to bed. IMHO, the right answers were, "It's up to Mom tonight." or "Mom looks excited."

She also asked if we should split cost to buy the kids an iPad each. I sad maybe, I'll think about it.
Not sure we should be buying things "together" post filing.

It's true, that introduces complications. A simple side-step, if you feel you two are amicable enough to work together at least for now, is for her to buy an iPad for one kid and you buy an identical one for the other kid. That reduces costs, but still provides clear ownership in case there are more disputes down the line.

[Mumin]

Thanks a lot for answering CW! Really!
Have spoken a lot less about my sitch in general lately, because DB and I find seeing IC over zoom isn't that effective.
So nice to get som dialog. So thanks!!

Yeah about kids I did say it was W's day and other times this had happened she has always been fine with it.
Though I absolutely agree, the responsible parent should always make the decision.

I will suggest we buy one each. Thanks!

Today she told me she is going to look at an apartment. Rental.
She looked reakly sad when she said it and said it is really small.
My guess is she went online yesterday while she was mad.
So childish.


She sort of caught me by surprise during breakfast and I just said:
Ok. That's good, I guess.
Those last two words...

[Mumin]

Journal
Spent the last two days enjoying the start of the summer with my brothers GFs family.
On Thursday I will take the kids for the first vacation week so nice to get some "time off".
Realize I need to make some things clear on house costs if she decides to get a rental.

What are people's thoughts on NC development? Long-term.
She really doesn't initiate contact and neither do I.
Long term I don't know how this all would work when it comes to coparenting.