Hi kas99, makes sense--if you can afford to wait, and maximizing your gains is a priority, waiting until he's more motivated could work. Motivation ebbs and flows over the years.
Hi kas99, makes sense--if you can afford to wait, and maximizing your gains is a priority, waiting until he's more motivated could work. Motivation ebbs and flows over the years.
How are you doing otherwise?
Plot twist - my attorney managed to bully him into divorcing me. Pre-trial is Sept 20th.
Growth is slow and painful but I'm a much healthier person than I was when I first joined this forum. I get frustrated sometimes that this process isn't going faster but I get that their are no shortcuts. It seems like forever but I'm only 2 years and 5 months out.
I don't come here much anymore but when I was reading everything clinging to hope it used to drive me crazy when the story just ended abruptly.
Let me say something positive. I'm happier now, calmer, life is more fun. Helps that I've been 100% NC for 2 years. I won't sugar coat it though it's still hard but it's getting easier. D15 will text him while I'm sitting right there or I'll drop her off and see that he's not home at 2am. Maybe a trigger will hit in the grocery store. I just never know when these things will hit. It used to knock me down for DAYS and now it's probably 15-20 minutes, I feel the pain, roll with it and wait for it to pass. It always passes.
The triggers are lessening though and many times I can hear something about him and it doesn't faze me at all. Whatever...from my vantage point his life is pretty sad. D18 still isn't talking to him. D15 hates him and S21 doesn't like being around him anymore. He's drinking A LOT and while he is still with the OW I don't think he's happy. I'm doing better than him and S21 reports that this fact frustrates him. I think I was supposed to pine away and be miserable forever. lol
I've gotten more assertive. I stand up to bullies at work and will cut out people that don't add value to my life. I'm not afraid of being alone anymore which is freeing.
I'm taking responsibility for my own life, my own happiness and I no longer seek it outside myself. Happiness cannot be found in material things or a relationship. I believe learning how to be happy with very little is powerful.
I'm not divorced yet and am still a work in progress but I'm okay.
Girl - you're gonna be ok. Let your lawyer do their job and focus on your kids and your new life. You've often noted that it's easier without him. Embrace that. And all that gaslighting from your ex about your parenting (and your dad to your mom about the same?) - well, the proof is in the pudding, isn't it? Who do the kids turn to?
Plot twist - my attorney managed to bully him into divorcing me. Pre-trial is Sept 20th.
Ok, I'll bite...how?
Originally Posted by kas99
I don't come here much anymore but when I was reading everything clinging to hope it used to drive me crazy when the story just ended abruptly.
I agree...keep us posted!
Originally Posted by kas99
Let me say something positive. I'm happier now, calmer, life is more fun. Helps that I've been 100% NC for 2 years. I won't sugar coat it though it's still hard but it's getting easier.
That's great. Glad to hear it.
Originally Posted by kas99
D15 will text him while I'm sitting right there or I'll drop her off and see that he's not home at 2am.
I'm confused...why are you dropping her off at 2am? Do you leave her there without an adult?
Originally Posted by kas99
I'm not divorced yet and am still a work in progress but I'm okay.
Keep up the good work! Glad to hear it's getting better :-)
Sometimes I think it's so crazy my ExW and I are divorced so early with such young children and a long path to parent, but then I read stories of people married 2-3x as long with older kids and think it must be so difficult to have gone through an even longer relationship/marriage to have it end and maybe it was just as well the crazy came out earlier so I can move on sooner/younger.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I'm taking responsibility for my own life, my own happiness and I no longer seek it outside myself. Happiness cannot be found in material things or a relationship. I believe learning how to be happy with very little is powerful.
I'm not divorced yet and am still a work in progress but I'm okay.
It is VERY powerful!! These are all great byproducts of DBing. When we walk through all the muck and mire and do the hard work, we end up becoming better versions of ourselves. People who are great on their own, learning to be content and find joy in the small wonders of life, not looking to others for our happiness and standing up to bullies!! (yay, you!) Finding the joy of letting go has been my greatest accomplishment thanks to my people here.
You are more than okay from my view. : )
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Great to hear your progress Kas. I remember how difficult this was for you in the beginning…as it is for all of us. You had a lot to deal with and it is wonderful to hear how far you’ve come and that you are taking full responsibility for your happiness. Glad you came back and updated for the newcomers on here who have a hard time believing they will get through this and be okay either way. Keep moving forward my friend. (((HUGS)))
