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Originally Posted by Joe
As far as why I’m not going for legal custody, truth be told my lawyer said to do it that way as it looks more enticing for her to sign and allow us to move on.

That makes sense. I had to find that balance, too. In my case, I encouraged her by limiting my legal custody (e.g., I would not move more than 2 counties away) and I tossed in half a car.

Originally Posted by Joe
Hey CW, the way it was explained to me was she’d be able to make decisions for them if I was fully incapacitated. Yes roll of the dice a bit I suppose or maybe I’m misunderstanding. My initial goal is Full primary physical custody and that’s exactly what I’m gonna end up with. She won’t be able to take them from school or work. She won’t be able to see them unless I agree which obviously I won’t.

I see! Each state's different on the meanings of these terms.


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I just need to vent. First off everyone on here that said my W obviously doesn’t respect me spot on...2nd off she finally managed to insult me in a way that generally pi$$ed me off to the point where I did respond. But I I needed to in my opinion and immediately forwarded the email to my atty.

Anyway, I’m not gonna word for word this one, but I get an email from the W. It’s a sob story about how the OM wife won’t let him see his kids unless it’s at her house. How my W is an unfit mother that hasn’t had custody or seen her kids since March, therefore she doesn’t want her kids to go to the OM house since my W lives there. She’s insulted she’s called a paramour, and asked if I know what it means and to google it. (I know what it means and it’s spot freaking on). She tells me this is just unfair and the OM is a wonderful father. And it’s unfair because she’s a good mother too. She actually says I promise i won’t use this in court, but can you please do me a favor? Will you please write me a letter explaining that I’m a good mom. That there isn’t a custody issue and I have seen my kids? I know you are very good at writing professional letters and I know you can really help me. I know you’re gonna think it’s a favor to the OM but it’s a favor for me. I’m tired of having my name dragged through the mud.

I’m not gonna lie, I let this get the better of me. The freaking audacity....

My reply

His martial and custody issues are not my issues. Don’t you ever contact me again about him or anything related to him. You wanna help him than leave. I’m 50/50 whether this is the true or you want me to write something completely untrue to blow up my own custody case against YOU! You aren’t a good mother and I applaud the OM W for keeping her children away from you.

If you are telling the truth don’t be surprised when he leaves you and goes home. And if he does don’t think you can run back here.

Joe

Like I knew she didn’t think much of me, but good god. What kind of lunatic would think I’d help her and her OM. And even if it is all a lie and she thinks she can get me to blow up my own custody case, how incredibly....I can’t think of a word to describe the just ridiculousness of thinking going the route of trying to make the OM look sympathetic to me would be a good idea.

I did feel like I fell in the trap and I shouldn’t have responded. But my atty actually pointed out it was a good idea Incase she types out a letter and forges my signature at the bottom. So I’m glad a responded. But I could have kept it a simple no. And left it at that.

I was 100% positive that this was about her own custody issues with me. But, she signed the custody complaint. And she agreed to my terms. It’s signed and delivered. It just hasn’t been filed. And we haven’t been to mediation to make it official. Idk if it’s mediation but I know we still have to go to court either way. I guess it could be a way to contest it now or the future.

But than I know the OM W is aware of what happened to my kids. And I know she doesn’t want my W around her kids. I wonder if maybe if it’s finally dawning on the OM he’s gonna lose everything including his own kids and this was a panic move by my W to keep him around, because maybe he said you gotta go if I can’t see my kids.

We’ll see. Either way, she’s not getting a letter from me, and either way she needs a new plan B.




Last edited by JosephS; 05/28/20 10:26 PM.

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You are right. A simple "NO!!" would have sufficed.


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Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
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Originally Posted by Joe
You aren’t a good mother

It's possible your angry response suits her, too. You've labeled her a "bad mother". I'm sure that line will pop up in the future in some context or another. Try to cool off before replying in the future.

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Originally Posted by LITB
You are right. A simple "NO!!" would have sufficed.


I know. Freaking got me and I didn’t take the advice to wait. My screw up there no excuses

Originally Posted by CWarrior
Originally Posted by Joe
You aren’t a good mother

It's possible your angry response suits her, too. You've labeled her a "bad mother". I'm sure that line will pop up in the future in some context or another. Try to cool off before replying in the future.


You have always told me to wait. And I was doing better. But was doesn’t help or matter to now. Out of everything to contact me over helping the OM, never ever would have assumed that, and man did it hit a nerve. Like cold water to a cavity. A simple no would have been sufficient and I blew it in that context.

She’s actually since replied. I’m gonna wait to read it


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I can completely understand how that would hit a nerve. Ah well.....big picture, it isn't a big deal.

Does her last response require another response from you?


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Originally Posted by LITB
I can completely understand how that would hit a nerve. Ah well.....big picture, it isn't a big deal.

Does her last response require another response from you?


No it didn’t. She just responded saying that he promised her he wasn’t leaving her. And she offered to leave but he said no. And it’s not about helping him, it’s about keeping her out of his custody case and having her name not drug thru the mud again.

Personally all this did was put me on high alert now that my initial “reaction” has subsided. I have a feeling this is about to crumble between these two. If she’s telling the truth coming to me is about as desperate as it gets.


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Originally Posted by JosephS

My reply

His martial and custody issues are not my issues. Don’t you ever contact me again about him or anything related to him. You wanna help him than leave. I’m 50/50 whether this is the true or you want me to write something completely untrue to blow up my own custody case against YOU! You aren’t a good mother and I applaud the OM W for keeping her children away from you.

If you are telling the truth don’t be surprised when he leaves you and goes home. And if he does don’t think you can run back here.

Joe




Fist pump in the air!! Over and over again.

I love it. This woman has lied, cheated, manipulated, abused, ignored and disrespected you and your family. Over and over and over again. I love that you stood up to her. Didn't mince words. And told her what is what!!

This is 1000 times better than the nicey nicey you were playing with her a few days ago.

You got my kudos! Well done. She won't like you, but by golly she will respect you.

Last edited by Steve85; 05/29/20 02:43 AM.

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Journaling,
Yesterday was a double edged sword. Good day on the “fun” with the kids front bad evening with the W

My local mom and pop gun store is kind of defying the governor at this point and opened up. The sales they were having was ridiculous. I was able to get a brand new 9mm pistol for $199.99. And completely made in America. Got some shells for my shotgun too. Slugs, 2 shot and 71/2 shot. Found slugs for my nephews 410. Which was unexpected.

Brother of course invited me over. Wanted to shoot the 9mm. And I’m never going to say no to shooting at his house. We had a great time. Unfortunately my niece I guess got comfortable enough to ask me what happened with my W. That was uncomfortable as all get up. But go through it without getting emotional or getting detailed.

My BIL called me about seeing the kids. I previously said I was gonna cut my “in-laws” out of my life, I should have followed through but I didn’t. Anyway, I was having a great time and got caught up in a good day. Like what was I thinking right? So I ended up sending him videos of S17 shooting my shotgun, my bro’s shotgun and the new pistol. Even sent a video my nephew shooting my shotgun. D8 wanted to hold the pistol, so after teaching her the ins and outs I took the magazine and let her hold it. She looked so cute with it. Sent a pic of that too.

I checked time on my phone throughout the day and noticed my emails number going up and I was waiting til I got home to even look at them.

So I get home....I was bombarded by the W today. She must be under the impression we are friends for some reason. Here’s the gist

Email #1. Can you pay the cell phone bill? We all are about to be cut off.
Email #2. I have an interview Wednesday I’ll pay you back
Email #3. Tell D8 I love and miss her
Email #4. Oh boy, why did you buy a pistol?
Email #5. Where did you get a gun during corona?
Email #6. Looks like you guys are having fun.
Email #7. I’m glad you’re having fun with the shotgun I bought you for you birthday
Email #8. S17 looks like he’s having a great time! I can’t believe those guns are barely making him move. He’s getting really strong And D8 looks like she’s having fun. Don’t let her shoot that pistol though she’s too little. I wish I could shoot too. We both know how much I love to shoot.
Email #9. Omg it sounded like lightning just hit the house. I just jumped 7ft off the sofa.
Email #10. Well I’ll leave you alone for today. Drive safe home


Seriously, what in the world is going on here? I mean yeah I know my BIL either was sending her everything or she was right there with him l, but either way. What is she thinking? We aren’t friends. And why email like they’re text messages?

I didn’t respond to anything but it definitely got me thinking about her. It wasn’t that long ago she “hated me” and didn’t ever wanna talk to me. Now she wishes she could go shooting with me like we use too.

I really wanted to respond with well if you didn’t hit my kids and wished I’d kill myself maybe you could have came. But alas I kept my cool and didn’t give her what she wants.

I really am starting to think she is gonna start trying to come back within the next month or 2. We’ll see.

Staying strong and keeping busy.



Last edited by JosephS; 05/30/20 05:35 PM.

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Hi Joseph, sorry I've been MIA lately. I'm not able to type much, but wanted you to know I haven't forsaken you.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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