Channel up to nearly 200 subscribers. I did an info-vid and that really took off more than expected. Going to do more of those as people seem to like it. I won’t go into too much detail for fear of identifying me. One good outcome is someone has been in touch about possibly commissioning something from me off the back of my latest video, so things are looking up on that front too.
Exercise is progressing too. Finding it easier to get more protein in my diet now. Feel so much better and not snacking anymore.
One query I had is when lockdown restrictions are lifted, I think there’ll be certain people I come into contact with. What would be the best response to either of these types of people, just in case I bump not them in the near future?
1. Mutual friends of XW and I. Neutral, just express that they’re sad we split up, not taking sides.
2. Those who were closer to XW who might take a shot at me or a snide, passive aggression comment (‘Well you should’ve thought of that before you did [x]’). Less likely to one across them compared to those above admittedly, but I’m mindful of wanting to be able to respond with something that says I owned my issues, sorted them out, and am doing great. Is there anything better to say?
My sister is moving house so were gearing up to help move stuff later this month (I have a bigger car!).
Doing a big savings drive and it’s great watching my future house deposit build up. Really looking after my money and enjoying researching all the options.
Still finding time to chill, go for walks (just round the block for now of course), discover new music.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
DaB, I found that listening and validating works wonders in almost any encounter. I've used it with coworkers, people at church, even the cashier at the store! So maybe try to remember to listen and validate. Especially, those in #1. Those in #2 probably won't take shots at you. But if they do, a simple "I understand you feel the need to blame me. However, I am in a hurry and need to go." And then leave. Trying to defend yourself or argue with them or make them see the truth is probably going to be an exercise in futility. So I would just move on.
Keep up the good work!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Unexpected email from XW this afternoon. She has asked about her taxes. I used to do them for her when were were together as I work in finance. She realised she forgot to do a particular thing in her accounts, due the deadline being around the time D was being finalised. It's not a mistake, and makes no difference to anything; it's very minor. She's asked a simple question - it requires a 2 sentence answer.
She opened with "Hope you and the family are well." No animosity or demanding tone.
I haven't replied yet - it's 7.30pm in the UK here. My initial feeling is simply to say:
Hi XW
Yes, we're all very well thanks.
[answer question - couple of sentences & attach a file]
Have a good week D
Other matter: I was contacted by the builders of our former house. XW had received a letter demanding some money from us both - apparently an outstanding debt relating to a communal service charge (I won't go into the details of it). They couldn't speak to her as my name was the listed contact (reason: my surname comes before XW's alphabetically). Anyway, after a few weeks waiting for them to provide more info, turns out we're due a refund; the 'debt' was an error. I'm waiting for someone at the company to contact me so I can give my bank info and receive my half of the refund.
Should I also inform XW in my reply? Or just ask the company to contact her directly - they have her new address - and leave it at that?
Life update - Working on a new Youtube video - channel at over 250 subscribers. Really surprised! Learning about investing and already making 'gains' - keeping it steady and cautious though Gym going well - have got an updated workout & diet plan: I need to increase my calorie intake STILL! Tried cooking a few things I haven't had before or not had in a very long time Studying going very well - had exam last week, next one planned for summer Making a bit of extra money selling stuff on ebay Helped my sister and her H move house a few weeks ago. She had a baby boy at the tale end of last year - he's four months now, and their dog (miniature poodle) is very protective of him. In talks with a publisher regarding a creative work of mine. I won't give any more info for fear of identifying me.
Hope everyone's doing great.
Last edited by DaB35; 05/11/2107:05 PM.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
I do not think there is a one-size fits all answer to your question. I think that it all depends what your future goals are with this woman. Are you still wanting a future R with this women? Or are you okay having her as a friend.
I just watched a video of the now late Tawny Kitaen. I was a child of the 80s and absolutely adored her. I saw a video this week of her talking about her parents' D, and how they remained friends until her mother died. They would get together with the kids with their separate SOs. Etc. Every situation is different.
Personally, in your case, I would want to have as little contact with the XW as possible. You have no kids, you have no mutual ties. I wouldn't want to be friends, so I would ignore her email. I would get my 1/2 of the refund and leave it to her and the company involved to get her 1/2. This is just me. I tried the "let's stay friends" with a longtime on-again, off-again GF and it just didn't work for me. I have plenty of friends, I didn't need an ex-flame for a friend.
If you are okay being pals, then by all means respond like a friend would, and then include the information about refund. But remember, this gains you no points. You should do it with no expectations. And if it in anyway sets back your detachment and moving forward then I would not respond. Personally, I would not want my XW for a tax customer.
Love your list! Keep up the good work!
Last edited by SteveLW; 05/11/2107:32 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I agree 100%. What I thought when I read your message--you want to be pals with your XW. There's nothing wrong with that. Actually, my ex-wife (10yrs later) just agreed (in principle) to hang out as friends. I don't mind if she gets a new BF. I have several XGF's, however, where more distance seems appropriate due to feelings, baggage, emotional problems, etc. In that case, no contact makes much more sense.
Are you still wanting a future R with this women? Or are you okay having her as a friend.
I haven't seen her for over 18 months. This is the first contact I've had from her since around October last year. I'd be fine having her as a friend. But then, I've managed without all this time since D...
I'm still amazed at the sheer amount of STUFF I'm able to accomplish in my own time, and not feel like I'm missing out by not being in a R or M.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
Personally, I would not want my XW for a tax customer.
Haha - I know what you mean! It was infuriating explaining it all to her as she would always switch off after 20 seconds and shout "Boring!" *shakes head*
Originally Posted by LH19
D,
I would respond but keep it 100% business.
I did this. It was a four line email - I said hi, answered the question, and signed off politely. Didn't mention the refund. When they contact me I'll ask them to contact her and they can sort it out between themselves.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
Love your list! Keep up the good work!
Absolutely!!!
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
