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Originally Posted by AndrewP
I'm sure I would find it frustrating and exhausting.

That’s taken out of context but sort of sums it up - at least for me. That was frustrating and exhausting just to read. I can’t begin to imagine living it. If this is the price of admission for an R I’m staying out. Now I get it's certainly not all bad but wow, I really hope S is worth it. Just the rabbit hutch saga on its own... this is better than some of the reality shows I enjoy watching. Then add in D19 trying to get herself on the cover of a men’s magazine? And oh, I’m sure that will totally help open doors for her and any future career. Not sure what future career that would be. Again, you can’t make this stuff up! I’d certainly be willing to place a firm bet that D19 will be joining you and S and S17 and the younger son and the rabbits and cats and dog and... in the new homestead. She will be moved in before the end of summer is my bet.

Is this really the life you want to be leading going into your “golden years?” As the phrase I pulled out, it sure seems frustrating and exhausting - well exhausting for certain. If nothing else I hope they all know how lucky they are to have you. But honestly, is this the type of life you want to be living? Because, yes, the current set of issues and drama may die down but it all seems to be business as usual for them. It’s always going to be something. Everyone seems to have struggles with mental health, struggles with consistent, profitable employment, struggles with seeing plans through to their conclusion. This all seems to be so the opposite of who you are and how you live, Andrew.

Hopefully at least the weekend brings you some relief. And yes, visiting that favorite Inn for a getaway is much needed. But that’s the fun, fantasy getaway part. It’s the day to day that often spells success or failure of an R. And if I’m exhausted just reading it I can’t imagine living it. Clearly time for a beer Andrew. Oh, that’s right, I think that’s been taken off the table too. I’d have one anyhow.


DonH
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Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
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I'm sure that the articles are well done.


lololol

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Happy Father’s Day!

kml #2898066 06/21/20 04:36 PM
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Originally Posted by kml
Happy Father’s Day!
Thanks kml. Looks like it's going to be quiet here - I've not heard from S25 about any plans so am figuring that a relaxing day with some laundry and a good book while the random thunderstorms pass will be good. S suggested that he'll pull in about 10 minutes before dinner expecting to be fed. In which case he'll be taking me out to dinner laugh

20S is supposed to be stopping by in the early afternoon for a hug and to help move some of her stuff into her mother's house. In case of rain I have assured her that I have tarps.

Some relaxing after a rather challenging day yesterday will be good. S had me replace some light fixtures in her old apartment with the originals. Usually an easy task. Except that over the years, a number of the necessary brackets and bolts had gone missing. Add on the fact that the wiring which I thing was perhaps done in the 40s is nowhere near up to code and it was quite stressful. I kept double-checking all the connections made more difficult because there is no grounding anywhere in the system. The ceiling fan in S17's room I just gave up on especially after S told me that it had never worked. There were no obvious shorts but the lamp sockets were frighteningly loose. I told her that probably the only "fix" was replacement and she agreed that that wasn't worth it. I ended up having to come back to the house to find some alternate mounting fasteners and then needed to use thread to guide the fixtures into place. All in stifling heat as there is no ventilation in that apartment. What should have been at most a 1/2 hour task took about 3 hours.

I did also manage to do some carpet repairs which I'd agonized over but turned out to be pretty easy - just showing that the problems we get aren't the problems we expect.

S expects her land-lady to make lots of demands on her paying for repairs, repainting and replacement of things. The absence of the stove (which is at the house now and S brought with her) will probably be an issue too. Her land-lady has told her in a matter-of-fact way that she expects to get paid for all new carpets and repainting. The land-lady has threatened police and court as part of her negotiating strategy. S is familiar with her rights and obligations and doesn't even have a damage deposit. She's very happy to soon be out of the sphere of that rather toxic woman. I've suggested that as a counter, pointing out that the electrical is not up to code would certainly be a reason why her land-lady might not want to involve too many governmental or legal bodies.

Her land-lady will I'm sure be happy to get this unit quickly back on the market. 4 bedroom apartments just plain don't exist.

The bunnies are settling in here fairly well and seem to like their new habitat. I am worried about the smell and the mess. S17 - like most teenagers - has a very poor track record on such matters. He does now have easy access to dump the waste and they are more contained then they were in his room though so fingers crossed. As long as the mess is confined to his room it won't bother me too much. I think he's planning on staying at the apartment as long as he possibly can in order to enjoy his "freedom". Personally I think that once he gets a bit of a grip on his future path that he'll probably be moving out on his own. He's been on his own essentially for some months now and really likes it. He works pretty much full time and although (despite having lots of brains) he isn't near completed high-school which I think is the key stepping stone he and his mother are looking at for that independence.

As a bit of a funny / weird co-incidence, S had suggested we get some take-away from the pub across the street from her flat. They have partially re-opened with patio and take-out service only. Patio is by reservation only. I was a but surprised / unsurprised when on the reservation book that OM's name was there as having arrived about 10 minutes before us for the patio. I was rather glad we had take-out. It would have certainly been "odd" though to be dining in the same place. Since they live around the corner and it's a place that my ex used to go to all the times for an afternoon of drinking with her friends, no shock that they were there.


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Happy Father’s Day!

Hope you have a relaxing day - you’ve earned it!

You might think about getting a cheap are rug for that bedroom to protect your wood floors from the bunnies. (Maybe with a plastic tarp under? )

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PS some of our kids are a little scatterbrained and our exes don’t remind them of events. It’s ok to just call son up and say “Hey, what’s your plan for Father’s Day?”

kml #2898118 06/22/20 02:16 PM
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Originally Posted by kml
Happy Father’s Day!

Hope you have a relaxing day - you’ve earned it!

You might think about getting a cheap are rug for that bedroom to protect your wood floors from the bunnies. (Maybe with a plastic tarp under? )
Thanks. Certainly something to consider. A bit of a balance between that and keeping the smell down. In S17's old room it was carpeted and with the bunnies more or less free-ranging albeit on some old linoleum the odour was pretty strong.

----

I never did hear from S25 on Father's Day. My first one without both kids to do something with. D28 messaged me later in the day when I was doing the dishes. She's still not gotten her birthday card I mailed several weeks ago. I suspect that the post between our countries isn't working too efficiently.

I sent S25 a message late in the day showing him the new cat and assuring him that peace was likely - he's usually pretty lax at reading those and even more so on responding. I'm not going to bother to let him know that I was disappointed. There are all sorts of reasons why he wouldn't have had anything planned especially considering current world conditions. And getting my nose out of joint doesn't do any good.

One of S's cats was brought in yesterday evening. She's an older girl, missing a few teeth but still has her front claws. Liz - the more junior of my two - worked on asserting her dominance and while there has been a lot of growling, no direct conflict that I know of. When they were introduced I made a point of getting out the brush and making a fuss over my girls which I think helped.

Just one more cat to come in now and that will probably be another week when S17 moves in. S13 is still at his Dad's place and might not know that his older brother will also be living here. There are - as in all families - some issues between them and I think S13 was looking forward to being the centre of attention.

----------

I took 20S her old mattress yesterday. It was a bit of a heave and a squeeze but it's now propped up in her mother's spare room and not mine. There's stuff in the basement and covered up in the back porch. She also mentioned that she has been being nagged by another friend to pick up stuff half-way across the province that has been there for 6 months now. Sigh - she never changes. She's a nice kid though and I got a hug and some gossip.

I got some ex-wife news though. 20S is still PO'd that she's been blocked. Something that S25 confirmed to her. It also turns out that she's left her job at the liquor store and "retired" and is now doing some part-time book-keeping. She used to do that back in the day and was actually rather bad at it. My own guess is that she quit / got fired at her job. There was a massive amount of drama at work and from the little I heard through the rumour mill, it continued. I can't see her boss having continuing sympathy for her and can imagine that when the store re-opened recently that she was told to not bother coming back.

It's her birthday today. She'll be turning 55. The old double-nickel. Undoubtedly such a large and significant number will be on her mind. She was 50 when she started her affair. It's kind of annoying that she's able to "retire" now while I'm expecting to have to work until I'm 72. But it is what it is. I wonder how she'll be celebrating. One kid in the US, one who has to be dragged in to such things. He's even less likely to be there given that he'll be working this afternoon.

It does mean though that she will even more be trapped in that small house with OM. Undoubtedly doing her usual passtimes of eating potato chips (she would go through at least one big bag every day) and playing Candy Crush. That can't be all that happy of a place. From what I understand her weight has been back up and if she isn't going out to work every day it will balloon. Even here in this big house with lots to do and space to get away from each other she'd have been going bonkers. Ah well - OM certainly won the "prize".

Assuming that S25 is consistent, his mother will be ticked at him for not marking her birthday. I do feel a lot of sympathy for her as I can't imagine she's a pleasant or happy person. I certainly don't feel any urge though to intervene in any fashion.

Ah well - time to hit post now that I've shared the latest gossip.


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5 cats, 3 rabbits, a dog, and 2 kids so far? Wow. And a whole bunch of extra stuff? That must be pretty overwhelming. She must bring something very extra special to the table. I don’t

You know, I can see where her landlord is coming from. There was an over abundance in pets and apparently 3 rabbit with free range probably defecting all over the place. Rabbits smell. There is no way to not make them smell.

I really do hope you have some rules. It seems as if S didn’t. I truly hope people respect your home and space and you aren’t afraid to speak up when it isn’t.

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i couldn't do it.
I'm going nuts with 5 chicks in the downstairs bathroom in a brooder that is meticulously emptied and cleaned daily.

free ranging rabbits? not on your life.

Good luck.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
5 cats
4 cats total wink Not that it makes much difference once you get past 2.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
i couldn't do it.
I'm going nuts with 5 chicks in the downstairs bathroom in a brooder that is meticulously emptied and cleaned daily.

free ranging rabbits? not on your life.

Good luck.
Yep - going to need some of that luck. The hutch keeps them and their mess a lot more contained than they had been at least "free-ranging" (an enclosure on the floor) at the apartment. The real challenge will be S17 actually cleaning it. In the apartment they didn't have access to a dumpster but here I'm hoping he can get into a routine of sweeping it out every couple of days and dumping the waste into the compost heap. Going to be some pretty rich compost I think. Like any teenager he's not consistent.

It is what it is. And does show some of the challenges in forming a new relationship especially later in life with extra baggage. We all have it. I have told her that only the most fabulous of people have accessories. Some of her's just have wiggly noses and stinky butts.

I make sure to tell S regularly that I'm happy to have her here. She keeps assuring me that the current chaos is temporary. I try not to look past the present to some imagined future. I honestly don't completely know what that future will look like although I believe that S has a vision of it. I try to take it all one day at a time right now and make sure to see the positivity.

There is risk. There is reward. It's so very easy to find reasons to not do something and what's happening here is perhaps a case study in one of the several ways that these things can work out. Having someone who would slot themselves into the spot that my ex-wife occupied in the comfortable life we had together wasn't the choice that I made.

The only way I could have had someone in my life who doesn't add some complexity would involve a girlfriend who needs an air-compressor and came through the mail in a plain brown package.


On BD
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T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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