What's New Today pt2

[CanBird]

Thank you Gerda & Kml. I enjoyed plugging in the numbers.

If buying him out means giving him the amount he'd get if it was sold, then I'd be willing to do that and could ask my family for money. It'd be under $50,000. That's after I've taken back what I contributed. At least I got THAT in writing!

I've been purdging for 2 years. Guess living in the tiny house would only kill me for a little bit. At least we'd have our own rooms and I do have a garage for storage. Something to think about. I couldnt do it right away, due to current tenants. But well see.

[Gerda]

If buying him out means giving him the amount he'd get if it was sold, then I'd be willing to do that and could ask my family for money. It'd be under $50,000. That's after I've taken back what I contributed. At least I got THAT in writing!

In my sitch, they would not accept the closing cost version, just straight value minus debt. But you can try that! Proceed with your offer as if that's what is normal and see if they bite. Or use it as a bargaining chip, maybe you can split the difference. Because even if just straight value minus debt, even if it's 100K, it's worth it! If you had to spend 100K to buy that house, would you do it?!

Remember, you can sell this a year later. It will be on your own terms, your way. It's best to cut the ties and be free if you can. Certainly no one should expect you to move during a pandemic.

I've been purging for 2 years. Guess living in the tiny house would only kill me for a little bit. At least we'd have our own rooms and I do have a garage for storage. Something to think about. I couldnt do it right away, due to current tenants. But well see.

It might not kill but you but liberate you. Watch those tiny house videos! Inspiring single moms!

[CanBird]

Xh sent me a an email replying to setting up Child Support (CS) auto payments.


XH: "Send me the info to set it up"

WOW. (Wow! Finally & Wow! Xh comes off not so nice).

I provided the account information (AGAIN), included a link for Child Support Services in our State, and attached the pages from our agreement about the CS. My closing statement to him was to contact his lawyer if he had any other questions. I've given him all the information he needs. *This whole conversation started Oct 30, 2020*

I could have given him zero info, as he already has the account info and should have the other information. but I think I did the right thing.

ps- nothing new about the house. I've got other personal business to deal with before I can even think about that.

PSS- Sold a bicycle, and I might have a buyer for another item I've listed "tis the season

[CanBird]

Thank you DB team for your support, steering me to NOT give in to what he wanted.

XH "figured out" how to do an auto-transfer. But not directly from his bank, but through some payment app. Interesting. As long as D4s payment come monthly, on the first and it's from HIM, all good.

XH owed for 2 months. I confirmed I got "last months" and "assumed" this months would follow... and so on and so on forth... he said yes... I really hope this IS what's happening. I really don't want to keep hounding him every month. I think he's done work now, so perhaps it's now was easier for him to take care of things. Let's "assume" that was the case.

New cell phone arriving today. I am not tech savy..lol.. we'll see how this goes..

[CanBird]

Congratulations to me. I got my citizenship. It was over whelming for me in a few ways. Feels good to accomplish this goal on my own. My D was discussed at my interview, and it was like picking at the scab that had almost healed. It hurt. Talking about it and seeing the word just stings. I say that I'm over it, and I'm doing the best that I can, but I'm not as over it as I thought, but I'm much better than I was.

After coming down from that good news, I've still got to figure out my plan for the house. I haven't heard from XH, but I know it's just a matter of time before it comes up again (I buy the house or we sell). I've talked with my family, and they are not sure if they can help. And they, being my father and sister are not talking to each other, and I might need help from both. Again, I don't know what kind of deal I'm considering bringing to the table, I'm so inexperienced when it comes to dealing with banking.... although I paid all the bills, and managed our money, I don't understand all the fine print in when it comes to loans & mortgages, just the basic basics. Is there a book someone could recommend for banking dummies like me?

More of his mail, (from UI) came to the house. I have no idea what he's doing or where he is. And his family has asked me if I've heard from him. Here we go again with him ghosting everybody, including D4. Selfish. I don't ask where he is. And if D4 wants to contact him, I always make sure to follow through with what she wants. I never force her to do anything. She's old enough to know what she wants.

Today we we're making cookies and she said she was making a special one for her dad for when he comes home. And she said that she missed him. I was very close to saying something to her, but I'm in an emotional state myself with trying to figure out what net with the house, that I just couldn't go down that road yet.

Time for bed. I know I've got to formulate some plan. And I've read over suggestions from past posts.. plugged in the numbers....etc etc... But I still have no real plan. Better sleep on it. Hopefully a restful one.

[CanBird]

ps- Gerda & Kml: I made myself a print out, complete with graph were I can plug in my numbers.

I truly appreciate the informative example you've both given me.

[DnJ]

Good Morning Can

Congratulations!

Obtaining citizenship is an excellent accomplishment.

I do understand that stinging feeling of seeing your name and the word divorce in print on a legal document. (((Hugs)))

Being over it, isn’t being feeling-free. It’s a process, and I’m not sure we are supposed to, or should, find a place where we don’t feel something. Acceptance. I was married. I loved. I lost. I grew. It happened. I accept.

Be gentle on yourself. You will find a plan regarding the house. It can be overwhelming when considering all the options before you - keep, buy out, sell, rent, etc. etc. Consider what you really would like, not all that you could do, rather what you would like to do. Explore that option with an advisor (if necessary), and see what it takes to make that (or those) reality.

Just a thought, sometimes we can get bogged down in amassing data and comparisons of options we really don’t want and would not choose anyhow. There is value is comparisons, for sure. Do compare scenarios you are willing or wanting. No matter how much money a certain scenario makes or little it costs, if you wouldn’t want to live that way the cost is too high. Maybe that helps shorten the list somewhat.

D

[Gerda]

Can -- I recommend the book, The Automatic Millionaire. It's an easy read and will cover a lot about how to set up your future. If you do sell the house, make sure that you have a plan for sinking your equity into a new place so you don't pay capital gains. But check out what you will spend on closing costs -- it is very expensive to sell! If you can move to a small place nearby as a renter and hold on to your house as a landlord, it's a great investment.

But what do you not understand? Do you want to ask some questions here? I am sure you aren't the only person reading the responses who can use the help, so I would be glad to answer. I know a lot about real estate stuff. I was even thinking about starting a blog for women who want to take over their mortgages after an H leaves, or youtube videos. Right after DnJ and I do our virtual house flips.

You can also ask your librarian for books on mortgages at the library. There's one called, Mortgages 101, or you could do the "for dummies" series, they are usually decent.

[job]

Congratulations on getting your citizenship! One less thing to worry about. I'm so happy for you.

[may22]

HI CanBird,

I second Gerda-- if you're comfortable sharing more details and asking more detailed questions, I think Gerda could really help and others could learn from it as well.

If you google "Hawaii Living Divorce House" the first hit should be an August 2018 post called how to handle your family home while divorcing. There is a detailed illustration there of how to pull some equity out of your home, if you can afford it, to get cash to buy out your ex. Depending on when you bought, the decrease in interest rates and extending to a full 30 years might mean that your monthly payments won't increase all that much. I am by no means a real estate expert but I do live in your state and know something about the market here generally, the long-term and short-term rental markets etc. so can pipe in if it is helpful there too.

Also, I do know it is pretty common to have D decrees here that wouldn't really happen in other states necessarily, like having the Ded parties remain co-owners and share the mortgage, etc. However, I was wondering-- because you are now Ded, whatever agreement you make with your ex to buy him out of the house is now just between the two of you, right? A judge won't have to sign off on it? (Gerda, do you know?) I wonder if given his situation, not needing a residence for half the year, being in MLC and wanting to go to Europe-- maybe a lump sum would be pretty attractive to him right now, and he may not be as hard-nosed about the negotiations than he otherwise might be? You could also talk to a real estate L about your options as well.

Congrats on the citizenship, and hugs to D4.