Your business partnership has gone south, which means that you need to treat the ending of the partnership as business and business only. Keep your texts to business and/or emergencies. Your h is being nice at the moment because he is getting what he wants and he knows that he has to play this game in order to keep you on the line and easier to deal with. I wouldn't be texting w/him unless it concerns coming to the house to pick his stuff up, bill discussions and/or financial stuff (which if it involves lifting the order, etc., refer him to your lawyer).
Trust me, he knows that he'll get more with honey than with vinegar. Stick to the business at hand. He can't miss you if you are responding to non-business texts.
Keep the focus on you as much as possible. Put a rubber band on your wrist and each time you are tempted to say something to him in person or text him, snap that band. The sting will stop you from doing whatever you are thinking about saying or doing.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
No big deal. Pick yourself up and heed the advice that is being given to you. You gotta believe that you deserve better, because you do. You are right where you are supposed to be. Where you go from here, is up to you. You have choices too.
Before you have the opportunity to work things out with your H, you have to completely let go(Drop the Rope). Even then, there are no guarantees. Your fear of letting go is paralyzing you. Fear is worse than reality.
The more you practice not responding, the less you'll respond, until you don't respond anymore. I have no doubt you'll get there. Head up, shoulders back.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Good morning KitCat, I’m right with you, I just started practicing NC and it’s SO. FREAKING. HARD. especially because I feel like my H is actively avoiding me because he is afraid he will waver on his decision. Yesterday he did something nice for the kiddos while he was here and I almost texted him this morning to tell him thank you for doing that but I didn’t and later got a text from about separating finances.
Thank goodness I didn’t text. I very much agree with HopeCA on previous page about texting him is setting yourself up for anxiety and disappointment. Keep working at lowering the expectations. Also did you mute his contact on your phone? I’m telling you to DO IT if you haven’t. I just did it a few days ago and it is a little empowering that I don’t respond back to him right away because it’s not dinging in my face causing a wave of anxiety. I choose to not let that text message control me. When I do decide to read the text message and I put my phone back down and WAIT to respond until after I have processed what is there sitting in the message for me. Old ElevenDiamonds would respond with emotion and I almost almost behaved in a petty way this weekend as a response because I’m hurting right now. But I put the phone down and a few minutes later I realized why I was trying to respond petty and all that would do is validate his thoughts right now that he is making the right choice. I can rise above that previous behavior.
My goal is short and polite and give NOTHING more right now. We can do this!
I cannot mute his stuff without everyones stuff being muted so not overly helpful.
I have been absolutely great in that I have not responded with emotion in over 3 weeks? maybe 4? That I'm proud of for sure!!!
I don't respond immediately. I'm cordial as if talking to a neighbor. I do not ask anything of him - unless he volunteers. He readily asked me about my plans for the weekend - I was vague "hike with friend and dogs" He then said "oh, ok", then "I have a motorcycle event but it will probably be cancelled due to weather/covid". He has only been sharing tid bits in the last 3 weeks minimally but it is more than before.
I was wrong to break down and text Saturday about his event. That was weakness on my my part and honestly stunned I got an immediate response so late at night. But, I have learned that he is more open late at night. He frequently sends texts after 11pm. Today I got one at 12:30am. I wonder if its during these times he has more time to let him mind wander - he can block out things during the day but at night stews?
Oh who knows and its not healthy for me to go down the path of assumptions.
I am tired of the text media. I said he should call about working out getting more stuff this weekend. I think I can handle calls now. I'm stronger. I can stay focused and I'm good as gold when it comes to being the first to end the convo --- I'm a pro at it now! I'm an expert about only talking about business stuff. I NEVER ASK WHERE HE IS AT WITH THE R. I won't lie --- love to say can we just skip the atty's and drop this for now??? Just trying to see if he is going after this with the same gusto of 6 weeks ago... Let's just rip off the bandaid and move on?
Its all pointless. I'm my own barricade right now. I need to focus on getting his stuff and having absolutely no reason for him to contact... and then if he does... maybe he isn't done just yet.
KC, hang in there, you're doing a lot better these days! You're maintaining perspective and putting DB into practice much better than before. I think you're starting to see that it's the right approach even though your heart is telling you to pursue, pursue, pursue. Good job Keep using us as your sounding board when you start having doubts.
Do you have an iPhone? If so, go to your text messages and swipe left and you’ll see a pop up for “Hide Alerts” and it will “mute” him. You won’t get a ding or buzz when he sends a message and you’ll see it when you happen to check your messages. I’m telling you just not jumping when I hear the phone has made a huge difference for me. If you have another brand of phone I’m sure you can still achieve the same effect and hopefully someone can provide some input.
Hang in there, just get through today. You are worth it.
Do you have an iPhone? If so, go to your text messages and swipe left and you’ll see a pop up for “Hide Alerts” and it will “mute” him. You won’t get a ding or buzz when he sends a message and you’ll see it when you happen to check your messages. I’m telling you just not jumping when I hear the phone has made a huge difference for me. If you have another brand of phone I’m sure you can still achieve the same effect and hopefully someone can provide some input.
Hang in there, just get through today. You are worth it.
No iphone. Its not the end of everything. Like I said I don't immediately respond and I haven't responded with emotion for several weeks.
My issue is I take his kindness + his curiosity about my plans === interest in us. That's on me. I have to realize its just him realizing that anger wasn't getting anywhere with me I suppose.
KC, hang in there, you're doing a lot better these days! You're maintaining perspective and putting DB into practice much better than before. I think you're starting to see that it's the right approach even though your heart is telling you to pursue, pursue, pursue. Good job Keep using us as your sounding board when you start having doubts.
Thank you -- overall my confidence is good. Its dips at times.
I'm not always making the right choice in interactions. BUT, I will pat myself on the pat that I am not creating more conflict. I'm not creating negatives AND I'm not discussing R.
But, I am hearing everyone and I need to stop all contact. He won't ever miss me if I'm a text away. I was good for a bit only responding to every 3rd or 4th text. That's my goal again.
I will have to see him again... back to being beautiful and upbeat and leaving him wondering why I'm soooo happy!
Keep using us as your sounding board when you start having doubts.