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KitCat Offline OP
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Originally Posted by AnotherStander

I'm not sure there are any shoes left, LOL! He's moved out and is with OW and pushing for D. Not sure what else he could hit you with at this point. I think it's more likely that he's feeling some of the pressure is off since you've been cooperating, and he has his bike and the boat and much of his stuff. This is not uncommon, once the WAS sees their "end game" (divorce, "happy" life with OP) is starting to fall into place then they don't feel pressured anymore and they start relaxing and being more cordial.



I need this printed out in block letters and put on the wall.... YES, he is being WAY more cordial... NOT because he is interested in his W... because he is getting into his life without his W...

Ripping the bandaid off... moving forward... no regrets...

I fell for it... I got flirty... he stated I had told him I had plans this weekend... said I was watching the weather the event may get cancelled... what event he asks???... I'm vauge... hike with friend and dog...

He voluntarily tells me his plans may get cancelled as well... he had an even bike ride planned...

This is on/ off all afternoon.... I let him have the last text... I didn't want to continue... its too much and I'm waiting to see what the motive is ---- AND... drum roll... he states if he could come get more of his stuff this weekend, great.

If it weren't for this is how I'm staying in touch with everyone else I would just put the phone in a drawer. This is STILL about him and what he wants.... not about any curiosity of me.

Yup. Back to square one... but this chick can dig in her heels... I've got a stubborn side and he gets to see it.

Last edited by KitCat; 04/24/20 09:28 PM.
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I just hid notifications on my phone from H after the suggestion from another poster. Will help me resist immediate response to anything he sends. Do you have yours set to the same?

That feels brutal to hear that you got your hopes up, I’m sorry girl.

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KC, I get it. You don’t want him to contact you but you check your phone to see if he has; you could block him but you choose not to because you want to know if he’s contacted you. I am in the same space as you. But every time I feel like asking him to come home I remind myself that this is what * I * want. Only what I want. I would be asking him to Come back because it is what I want. What about what *he * wants? And I know that he does not want to come back or is not ready to come back. So I let it drop. Your H is not ready or does not want to. At the moment his chosen path does not include you. Erase yourself from it. He will use you as the easy option (eg asking for documents). He will be curious about your actions when you stop pursuing. It’s hard to let go of someone you love, when you can envision a perfect marriage with that person knowing the mistakes ypu made , and wanting an opportunity to rectify them. but you can’t entice him back with the way you look , his sexual attention is already elsewhere. Keep doing what you’re doing, but do it for you. You are not 2nd prize . You are not “almost” good enough for him but not quite. You are now beyond him. He doesn’t get to choose again, he already chose. Hugs . You are strong enough to let go because U deserve morevxx


M:49 H:49
T:20 M:18
D:16 D:14

EA: Feb 2019-May 2020
Separated: Mar-early Aug 2020
H asked to reconcile: Jun 2020
EA relapse: Oct/Nov 2020
Recon #2: since Nov 2020
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KitCat Offline OP
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Thank you Pommy and 11 ----- Words to keep reading to move forward!!!

I am beautiful. I am intelligent. I am kind. I am giving. I am generous. I seek to bring the positives out in other people. I understand when someone is treating unkindly I have no real idea what they are going through in life and I accept that their anger is probably rooted elsewhere and I do not take it personally. I am worthy. I am the prize.

I picked up my phone to day to text H that his event that he shared with me yesterday sounds like fun and I hope its not cancelled.

What am I his friend??? What do I hope to gain by this??? That he will respond and want to know about my day??? Maybe he would text back in kind ---- he has been more curious and has asked some questions but lets other drops.

NOPE.... Don't do it... GIRL YOU PUT THAT PHONE DOWN!!!!

Walked away and now involved in webinar.

That man needs to feel you are long gone and you have WAY too many things to do for yourself this weekend to go down that rabbit hole.

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Hi KK,

GOOD JOB. Fighting the urge to text H in the beginning of all of this was so so hard for me. I was just desperate to connect with him in whatever way I could.

The thing I realized quickly (though it took me a long time to actually abide by this lesson) was that I was reaching out in an effort to soothe my anxiety, and it literally never worked. If I texted and he didn’t respond: anxiety. If I texted and his response was short: anxiety. If I texted and he engaged more than I expected: a wave of excitement followed shortly by letdown and anxiety. I think you know this already, but I find it helpful to frame it this way. This was one way that I came to realize that I tend to look for external ways to soothe my anxiety and pain, and it was time for me to start to learn to do that from within. I’ll let you know when I’ve got that all sorted wink

Anyway, I’ve been following along with your sitch, and I completely relate to all the feelings you are having. It seems like right now you’re going through a period of a bit more acceptance and embracing of the lessons you’re learning here, great job! That feeling may or may not stay. For me (and many others) it comes in waves, as do the other feelings. Keep up the good work, and keep putting that phone down!

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KitCat Offline OP
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I've reread AS most recent post to me.... repeatedly.

I spent the last week with the goal of daily being the positive in someone else's life. In the time of quarantine its limited to FB.... I enjoy being the light in someone's day. It has come back to me. I got a lovely card in the mail and a tiny surprise. It put a wonderful smile on my face!

I have such moments of strong confidence over the weekend. I have dark moments too. There has been s ok me light texting with my H... nothing about us... and at least for the weekend not anything that he needs me to do.

I need to seriously buckle down for LRT.

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KK,

The first part of your post is a really good update and I think it's great. Then you talk about light texting with your husband. You will not detach from him until you go NC.

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KitCat Offline OP
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I get it ----- it was just light texting. We still have business matters to finish.

He opens up a little - minimal and completely on his own. No R talks. He tried being funny yesterday afternoon when there was an issue with the puppy... he was concerned.

It was poor judgement on my part to initiate text late Sat night. I spent so much time putting down my phone over and over and then stupidly went for it "did you make to your X event"... 5min later at 11:30 at night he said "it was cancelled". I should have replied but I couldn't... I should have said "bummer" but did not. Why was he texting so late at night - shouldn't he be with her?

^^^What does it matter? I'm having expectations and still focusing on him.

Got a dose of reality when i woke up to the text - "when can I get more stuff"... Is this just him running hot and cold? OR what I'm sure everyone here is saying ---- he is being friends now. He is getting his stuff and getting on with his new life and getting some happiness.

Well come get more of this weekend. I'm doing the work and my confidence is WAY up. And, maybe I was foolish this weekend BUT he is the fool. I'm strong.... I'm gorgeous and frankly I'm just back to being cocky... look out I may get you with my little stingers... there is going to a large wake when I move through.

Peace and Love to all.

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It’s him keeping you nice and friendly so that everything goes smoothly for him. It has nothing to do with anything else.

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
It’s him keeping you nice and friendly so that everything goes smoothly for him. It has nothing to do with anything else.


I second this completely. Unfortunately same thing is happening to me too.


Me: 40
EX:37
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11

BD 03/06/20, divorced 12/23/21
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