He moved out a year ago, NC for 8 months and I can't get D because courts are closed. H has not been served. He has no idea that I know about the OW or that I'm divorcing him. I've decided it's in my best interest to let him think he's in control, leading him to believe I'm "nice". Sometimes when the kids tell him I need something (not my doing) he takes care of it. He got upset once about a kid expense (valid) assuming that I'd stiff him. I didn't. I never ask for anything and I rarely complain I just deal. My kids know the score and that's all that matters.
I did file my taxes separately which will put a substantial dent in his finances but thankfully that got extended until July 15th so by the time he connects the dots I'll be ready.
My boss who has 40 years of gov't experience thinks I should be able to get a court date in the summer or early fall. If H wants to keep his R with the kids intact he won't stop paying me the peanuts he's paying me now. He could however stop doing anything extra and could go out of his way to be ugly. The last time H and I spoke I was still begging and trying to nice him back. I sent him an email in August and he ignored it. Couple weeks later he cancelled the lease via email and cc'd me on it. I went NC.
He offered to help me move (no), told me I could take whatever I wanted (I did), he paid my deposit and gave me the other one back. Again though control. He's in control and lets the kids think he's a great guy (he's not).
I’m assuming I won’t get temporary support anytime soon and I’m counting on H not being that clever about the taxes. Someone probably will tell him we could have filed jointly but he won’t see it as malicious because he prefers to believe I’m so sad that I can’t bear to talk to him. He’s not wrong so he will pay it accepting that it’s just another cost of divorce. He won’t get really mad until he gets the papers.
Without looking back, can you please clarify that you have checked to see if courts are open for temporary support orders. I really think they would be as that certainly seems essential.
If courts are seeing these cases, you need to jump on this ASAP as usually it is set a little higher to motivate people to settle their divorces.
Look carefully into emergency court hearings.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Without looking back, can you please clarify that you have checked to see if courts are open for temporary support orders. I really think they would be as that certainly seems essential.
If courts are seeing these cases, you need to jump on this ASAP as usually it is set a little higher to motivate people to settle their divorces.
Look carefully into emergency court hearings.
My court is only doing protection orders/inmates/etc and chancery is the same. Emergencies only. I don’t qualify. I believe court will reopen soon what I’m not sure of is how big the backlog will be. My saving grace might be that many people will put off court if they can. I saw this at my place before we rescheduled everything. People who had the means to postpone did. On the criminal side we’re prioritizing. I know if I had a temporary support agreement I’d put off the D it’s just not worth the risk.
Haven’t had IC or my support group in over a month. I’m only working 20 hours a week with 4 other people. I miss my coworkers. I miss being busy. My situation is getting to me but I’m doing my best to remember that this too shall pass. I am grateful for my kids so at least I’m not alone. Garbage pickup was today so now I can continue to get rid of everything but the basics. Usually that helps me feel better. I’m in a lot better shape than so many people which makes me feel ungrateful which I am but mostly it’s depression.
I have a coworker/friend with a D the same age as mine. Prom is cancelled so she has this bright idea to host one at her house. She says D17 is invited....NO. She just texted me how she’s overwhelmed but they need this. NO. D17 says I need to be nice and supportive but NO. I think she’s baiting me to offer to help but NO. D17 says be nice but don’t take the bait. I want to straight up tell her she’s nuts but D17 said let it go.
And this is why we can’t get this under control. Ugh.
Sorry you were having a bad day. It’s important to take good care of yourself during this time. Life’s too short and precious to let your soon-to-be-Ex suck the life out of your present. Exercise, get some sun, take a bubble bath, watch more 80’s movies. Make a vision board with pictures of the rad future you’re going to create for yourself. Learn a new skill. Read a trashy novel.
