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AndrewP Offline OP
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Good morning all!

10 hours relaxing in bed after a long day of stripping. Wallpaper. Stripping wallpaper. I found some more old newspapers shoved into the old stove-pipe holes dating the layer of wallpaper 2 down to the summer of 1965.

S was still here and even though she couldn't help with the wallpaper made a delicious dinner out of left-overs before she went back to her apartment. I think we're falling into her spending a couple of days here and then a couple of days at her apartment. She's not interacting with people to any degree in either location and so while I do have a bit of a guilty itch about her moving from spot to spot, it's not too bad. I have to trust her to be careful and she said that she is.

S did comment that she felt bad about not being able to help more with the renovations and I told her that we could work together on something without doing the same thing. She contributed by cooking and making supportive comments.

S and S17 have a video appointment with his IC this afternoon. She did fill me in some more on what his issues were when I suggested that he should be wearing a mask at work. He has very very high social anxiety. He worries constantly about being judged for being different, a side effect she thinks of being very small and perhaps his father telling him that he will be bullied and teased. Wearing a mask, if his co-workers aren't would be a non-starter for him. But then, not having a mask if they do is similarly problematic. To the best of my knowledge he never was bullied and has good friends. But then, this is the same father who pushed for S13 to get growth hormones despite being otherwise perfectly healthy for the same reasons. And S13 is a bouncy, centre of attention kind of guy. Not in the "look at me" way, but because he just really likes people and people really like him. I watched him play B-Ball - which at 13 and perhaps 4' tall at the most he's not physically suited for but he has a great time and his team-mates like him, pass him the ball as appropriate and everyone has fun.

I'm 95% sure that S25 is moving out shortly. I went in to his room yesterday to reclaim dirty dishes and he's got a number of boxes packed already. The stuff he had in the closet in the front bedroom has been all cleared out already. Some stuff may have already left the house - but I'm not sure. I'm really not seeing him doing anything other than move in with his mother and OM. I will admit that there's a bit of humour in that she'll now need to deal with his moods and the emptying of her fridge. Although "the girls" will undoubtedly move with him I think that it will be a positive things for me to have that clean and calm break before S and her zoo are here.

I sent flowers for Easter to D27. I will admit that I've not called her in quite a while. I probably should. Our usual way of having a call while I drive isn't possible. "My" flower shop is still trying to operate with delivery and pickup. I just messaged them to see if I could get some roses and a centre-piece for Easter. Supporting local businesses is important. I have to go in to "town" this afternoon to pick up a prescription and so will check the mail and pick up my flowers at the same time working to avoid cross-contamination which is a concern if visiting more than one place.

Well - enough loly-gagging around here. Time to get some more stuff done.


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Wallpaper should be illegal in my opinion!

I once stripped 60 years of wallpaper from a house we renovated - it was like an archeological dig.

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Why not ask S25 where he is moving? What is his plan?

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Originally Posted by dream
Why not ask S25 where he is moving? What is his plan?


That is a good question. How can he live in your house and not tell you he is moving? He’s just not going to be there one day? That’s even odder. And he is living under your roof, you don’t ask him if he is moving out?

Open communication with something as big as this would probably be a good thing

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by dream
Why not ask S25 where he is moving? What is his plan?
Open communication with something as big as this would probably be a good thing
Can I have a baby goat too while I'm wishing? laugh They're really cute.

I did ask him directly earlier today if he had a specific move-out date and was told no. I can't force him to talk to me and as long as he ends up somewhere safe that's all I need to worry about.


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Originally Posted by AndrewP
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by dream
Why not ask S25 where he is moving? What is his plan?
Open communication with something as big as this would probably be a good thing
Can I have a baby goat too while I'm wishing? laugh They're really cute.


only if you name him Tom Brady


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
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Last day of vacation at an end. I ended up working far too much during it and am actually monitoring a process right now so that Monday morning a few things will be ready to go.

Given the general insecurity all around, perhaps being seen to be keen even though I feel I have good job security may be a good thing.

Just after I posted yesterday I was surprised by a ring of the doorbell and there was a flower delivery. The flower shop sent over my regular roses. I was rather flattered. I did pick up a nice arrangement from them a bit later in the day for Easter when I was "in town" anyway. Liz thought that the ferns were tasty later that night except for the bits she heaved up later - sigh. That cat will never learn.

I sent S a picture of the flowers and I think she was a bit put out - "who sent you those" was her question. Mollified a bit when I explained. I am trying to curtail my tendency from the past number of years to be flirty and have actually gone through and done some pruning of my social media. I like to hope that she's secure in our relationship and knows that I won't stray but need to be aware of the fact that I want to be sure that she can have full trust in me. I'm certainly not giving up the female friends both married and single who have been so very kind and supportive of me.

Both FSL and the owner of the shop - who is also a single woman - a bit young for me perhaps mid 40s - and with a steady boyfriend - who she grumbles about - fall into this. They are well aware of S having done flower arrangements for her and having met her. A part of me can't help but wonder if there is interest in the other direction, but I do know that it's not something to act on.

I stayed up very late last night and then worked this morning and finished stripping the wallpaper in the front bedroom. What a job! Probably about 5 layers. I managed to catch up on my podcasts including the really long ones from the NASA Johnson Space Centre and the others on science, history and economics (I'm soo exciting). I then headed out to the local landfill after lunch today to get rid of the drywall from the one false ceiling, the wallpaper and the couch and chair from 20S. Not only have I been unable to give away those things, but it turned out that the landfill refused the couch too. Sheesh. I have to take it to a separate sorting station where they will take old furniture. I think they run it through a big shredder. I may do that Saturday. S has some old furniture she wants to get rid of too. I had a laugh because after getting my change from what I had to pay the land-fill attendant, I sanitized my hands after handling the money. Despite them being filthy from the trash. Ah well - what I was trying to kill off wasn't what was in the trash.

I did see S this afternoon at her apartment - we sorted through her plastic-ware and she made a nice dinner for us. I was supposed to do some electrical repairs for S17 but he went pretty much straight to bed after his shift at the grocery store. He was on cart duty wiping down and sanitizing each cart after each customer. In many ways I feel that S isnt taking the social isolation and precautions as seriously as I am. Her D19 and BF showed up while I was at the apartment and I know that they've been around and about in the community. D19 was going to colour her hair with her mother. I kept my distance but still .... It is a rather difficult quandary for me. S has told me that she thinks I'm far too wrapped up with protections as has my own S25. I think that they're a few days behind me. I did notice that S25 has dug out his scarf similar to the one I use as a mask. S respects my choices but I feel that I need to respect her's as long as they aren't putting me explicitly into danger. It all gets very foggy.

I probably won't see S again probably until Sunday. She's picking up S13 from his Dad tomorrow afternoon - he wants to be "home" for Easter. I'll putter around the house and work on the plaster work in the bedroom and the rabbit hutch along with the usual household things plus also get in some reading. A solo walk around the village may also be called for. The grocery list has gotten fairly long and I need to evaluate if I should go in "to town" or if I can wait. Stores are closing on Friday and Sunday which is unusual but I think a very good idea. Menu for Easter is roast duck, turnip, mashed potatoes with duck gravy, cubed butternut squash, veg with cheese sauce and S is bringing a carrot cake (one of my favourites) for desert. I am amused because although S has been feeding her family for over 25 years, I make a better gravy than she does. But then, she uses the exact same method my ex-wife does, dumping flour into the stock and then trying to get rid of lumps where I start with a roux. I don't think that her D19 will self-invite for dinner. Easter Sunday dinner isn't a usual thing in that family and D19 and her BF are having a fling at being vegetarians at present. I also think they were "very" aware that I was quite uncomfortable with them just showing up at the apartment.

It's a difficult thing to navigate. A balance between being perhaps rude while following what I feel are prudent precautions and accepting their rights to have lower concerns. There is a selfish component to all of this as well. In a "perfect" world, I wouldn't be seeing S at all and we would be keeping our separate distances despite us both having a limited social circle and we would continue that for as long as this goes on for. But not being able to see her for the next couple of months, which is how this is looking like it will play out is a very hard thing to swallow as well.

There are no easy answers that I like.

Well - off to bed for me now.


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Originally Posted by AndrewP

Just after I posted yesterday I was surprised by a ring of the doorbell and there was a flower delivery. The flower shop sent over my regular roses. I was rather flattered.

I sent S a picture of the flowers and I think she was a bit put out - "who sent you those" was her question. Mollified a bit when I explained. I am trying to curtail my tendency from the past number of years to be flirty and have actually gone through and done some pruning of my social media. I like to hope that she's secure in our relationship and knows that I won't stray but need to be aware of the fact that I want to be sure that she can have full trust in me. I'm certainly not giving up the female friends both married and single who have been so very kind and supportive of me.

Both FSL and the owner of the shop - who is also a single woman - a bit young for me perhaps mid 40s - and with a steady boyfriend - who she grumbles about - fall into this. They are well aware of S having done flower arrangements for her and having met her. A part of me can't help but wonder if there is interest in the other direction, but I do know that it's not something to act on.


Andrew, my dear....I always feel like I'm scolding you when I say things and I swear I'm not this negative, nor am I doing it to be mean to you, but sometimes when you say things, I really sit here shaking my head as I read them. What I say, I really say from love...seriously, because I love you like a fat kid loves cake and since I'm a fat girl, I KNOW how fat kids love cake. wink Anyway, Andrew, the more you share about S, the more HUGE, COLOSSAL, GIANT red flags are waving. I have never met you in person nor even talked to you on the phone and even I know of your penchant for frequenting the flower shop and purchasing fresh flowers for your home. It speaks to me because I do that for myself on occasion. I know, not everyone likes fresh cut flowers because they die and all that jazz, but to me, it is a happy little thing in the moment so I enjoy them. But, seriously....S's first question is who sent them???? And to top it off, you had to "mollify" her by explaining you had purchased them yourself? Come on, Andrew.....does that not SCREAM insecure to you? She's a grown woman, for goodness sakes. And as far as you pruning social media. Listen, my friend, any woman who is secure in herself and trusts in her relationship doesn't give a flying fig if you have female friends on social media. Sparky is a very flirtatious guy. He calls waitresses honey and darling and the like and he has female friends on social media, many I have never even met in person. But, you know what.....he's coming home to me every single day because he is MINE. So, I don't sweat the fact that he called the cashier in the gas station darling. I mean, we do live in the south, so that is not a big deal and happens all the time, but it is just part of who he is. He has a private pet name for me that he doesn't use for anyone else so what if he is a little flirty? I don't see why men and women can't be friends and what that has to do with trust because I imagine you are an upstanding guy who is committed to one woman....just like Sparky. At the end of the day, S has your heart, so why does she need to "own" everything about you and control everything about all of your daily minutiae.

Originally Posted by AndrewP

I did see S this afternoon at her apartment - we sorted through her plastic-ware and she made a nice dinner for us. I was supposed to do some electrical repairs for S17 but he went pretty much straight to bed after his shift at the grocery store. He was on cart duty wiping down and sanitizing each cart after each customer. In many ways I feel that S isnt taking the social isolation and precautions as seriously as I am. Her D19 and BF showed up while I was at the apartment and I know that they've been around and about in the community. D19 was going to colour her hair with her mother. I kept my distance but still .... It is a rather difficult quandary for me. S has told me that she thinks I'm far too wrapped up with protections as has my own S25. I think that they're a few days behind me. I did notice that S25 has dug out his scarf similar to the one I use as a mask. S respects my choices but I feel that I need to respect her's as long as they aren't putting me explicitly into danger. It all gets very foggy.

I probably won't see S again probably until Sunday. She's picking up S13 from his Dad tomorrow afternoon - he wants to be "home" for Easter. I'll putter around the house and work on the plaster work in the bedroom and the rabbit hutch along with the usual household things plus also get in some reading. A solo walk around the village may also be called for. The grocery list has gotten fairly long and I need to evaluate if I should go in "to town" or if I can wait. Stores are closing on Friday and Sunday which is unusual but I think a very good idea. Menu for Easter is roast duck, turnip, mashed potatoes with duck gravy, cubed butternut squash, veg with cheese sauce and S is bringing a carrot cake (one of my favourites) for desert. I am amused because although S has been feeding her family for over 25 years, I make a better gravy than she does. But then, she uses the exact same method my ex-wife does, dumping flour into the stock and then trying to get rid of lumps where I start with a roux. I don't think that her D19 will self-invite for dinner. Easter Sunday dinner isn't a usual thing in that family and D19 and her BF are having a fling at being vegetarians at present. I also think they were "very" aware that I was quite uncomfortable with them just showing up at the apartment.

It's a difficult thing to navigate. A balance between being perhaps rude while following what I feel are prudent precautions and accepting their rights to have lower concerns. There is a selfish component to all of this as well. In a "perfect" world, I wouldn't be seeing S at all and we would be keeping our separate distances despite us both having a limited social circle and we would continue that for as long as this goes on for. But not being able to see her for the next couple of months, which is how this is looking like it will play out is a very hard thing to swallow as well.

There are no easy answers that I like.

Well - off to bed for me now.


No, Andrew...………...ALL of this is just a big, fat no. First, who the h3ll does S think she is? There is WAY too much coming and going at her place and she does NOT respect your choices. If she did, she would not ask you to come over, she would not drag her menagerie through her house or yours. Listen, I'm not one of those crazy conspiracy theorists sitting at home alone with my tinfoil hat on, but for the love of all things bright and beautiful, what part of STAY HOME do people not get. Andrew, you say S has a limited social circle, but her son works at a grocery store and her D19 and D19's bf seem to just come and go as usual. These people are NOT being careful or taking any of this seriously. You are the man and you are quite capable of putting your foot down and staying home and telling her to stay home. Yes, that is easy for me to stay because my man is in my house, but I'll just tell you right now for sure, if Sparky and I didn't live in the same house, we would NOT be seeing each other right now, as hard as it would be. I get you want to have Easter dinner and that is important to you, but you can do it some other time with S and her crew. Tell her to stay home AT HER HOUSE and you stay home AT YOUR HOUSE. Again, I'm not crazy or anything, but some of the legit news that I'm seeing on this whole deal makes sense and as much as I don't want to hear the d@mn phrase flatten the curve ever again, going out and about to S's house or dragging her brood through yours is NOT helping with that whole flattening thing. Yes, they have a right to have "lower concerns" as you put it, but that doesn't circumvent your rights to be concerned. I suspect that your desire to please S and her immaturity in response to an adult relationship is driving your "concerns" right now more than anything. Be smart, Andrew, and be safe. If S can't understand that, even with her "lower concerns" then I really think you need to question her overall emotional maturity as an adult. She is NOT behaving like an adult in any of this, but a spoiled, petulant teenager. It worries me for you. PLEASE take care of yourself first and foremost.

Last edited by job; 04/10/20 05:16 PM. Reason: edited placement of end quote

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Please listen to Dawn, in EVERYTHING she has posted above.

Also remember, you have underlying health conditions. You need a CPAP machine to help you breathe. You should not have anyone else in your home during lockdown other than your son.

It’s just not worth the risk!

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I could not echo these very smart ladies sentiments enough.

If S thinks you are taking this too seriously, let her talk to me. She has no idea what’s happening here. It is horrific. And if you don’t want it coming your way, you stay home! What she is doing would not even be conceivable where I am.

We are all sad. There are nurses who haven’t seen their own children . Grandparents who can’t see their kids. This is what we do to stop this. Nobody, and I mean not one soul is having “company” for Easter. Whoever lives in your house is who you are celebrating Easter or Passover with. It would be “rude” to do anything otherwise. My coworker usually hosts Easter I day with her 42 immediate family members. This year it is just her and her husband. She is sad, but this is what we do here. This is what should be done every where.

I feel like a has either a huge disconnection from reality or is just being really selfish. H*ll, I was being selfish when I wanted E to come over and I realized I was and I backed off of that.

You should not be over there where it is a free for all with people coming in and out especially when her son works at the grocery store. And others coming in and out of the house.

If anytime you stand up for yourself, let it be now. One person in a house gets it, everyone gets it. I would say if S was taking this seriously and properly protecting herself and her kids were and there was no traffic in the house it would be safe for her to come over, but she is not. It is not even safe for her to come by.

You need to lead and not follow here. I know you wait to see if someone invited themselves over for the meal, but you need to say no, I will not be having guests this year.

It’s bad over here. And it’s taking quite an effort to get flatten the curve.
Stay home! And close your doors!

Last edited by job; 04/10/20 09:02 PM. Reason: edited a word for Ginger and edited language
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