In my opinion since you are looking at recon then you want to get him moved out as soon as possible. Time and space is the only thing that turns this around long term.
Thank you for your input... I do value it.
I was not prepared for that to pop up in my email... ugh.
BUT - I will flip the script!!!! I am making myself laugh out loud that he is recreating the best parts of us with her... that just solidifies her as a rebound. They should be creating their own special places.
He is buying her gifts when he just bought them for me at Christmas at the same store. He took the time to wrap them in a small box and then wrap in a larger box, then a larger box... I had to unwrap 5 boxes and go through loads of packing peanuts to get my gift. He put a lot of thought in it and videoed me to send to S18. She probably got hers in a paper bag.
As of this moment - I only responded with - no mail.
He can pursue me for additional information. I am not chasing him.
I guess my question is why would you forward something like this, i.e., bath supplies to your lawyer? That is petty stuff. If your lawyer responds to your communications about this type of stuff, you will be racking up billable hours. Now, if he went out there and bought her expensive jewelry or a new car, etc., then I would have something to contact my lawyer about. Contact your lawyer when there is something important that heeds his/her attention.
Yes, they will take them to the places that were special for us. Why? Because they are familiar and they feel comfortable going to those places. Nothing you can do about it!!!!
KC, he's going to do whatever it takes to make himself look good in the eyes of the ow. You can't compete w/that. You have to remember that you are the prize and whatever he's doing, eventually the warts, imperfections will come through.
As long as he is in an affair, you can't rationalize w/him and the best thing to do is focus on you, your son and your safety/health at the moment. Let him go, i.e., emotionally, mentally and physically. You can't get him back right now...but if you continue on your own journey and work on yourself, you just might have a chance to get him back...but it's a 50/50 chance.
LET HIM GO!!!!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You are right - there is no mending this. He is deep in A.
He is sharing our special places with her.
He is trying to recreate the best part of us with her????
No what I am telling you is that you are still focused on him. And this post proves it.
Yes and so does the post after this.
BUT - Steve85 I do feel I have made some progress...
I made the choice to NOT be controlling and NOT immediately text him about his spending at this special store. The old me would have been all over it with him... it would not have been pretty.
I realized that I have been controlling in our relationship.
I'm not there yet but I am giving myself kudos for letting this go... even if I have to use a lame excuse and laugh at his behavior. Its getting me through to the next day.
Thank you to everyone who has been holding my hand while I walk this ledge!!!
I guess my question is why would you forward something like this, i.e., bath supplies to your lawyer? That is petty stuff. If your lawyer responds to your communications about this type of stuff, you will be racking up billable hours. Now, if he went out there and bought her expensive jewelry or a new car, etc., then I would have something to contact my lawyer about. Contact your lawyer when there is something important that heeds his/her attention.
Yes, they will take them to the places that were special for us. Why? Because they are familiar and they feel comfortable going to those places. Nothing you can do about it!!!!
KC, he's going to do whatever it takes to make himself look good in the eyes of the ow. You can't compete w/that. You have to remember that you are the prize and whatever he's doing, eventually the warts, imperfections will come through.
As long as he is in an affair, you can't rationalize w/him and the best thing to do is focus on you, your son and your safety/health at the moment. Let him go, i.e., emotionally, mentally and physically. You can't get him back right now...but if you continue on your own journey and work on yourself, you just might have a chance to get him back...but it's a 50/50 chance.
LET HIM GO!!!!
Yes - I see that I am being petty and controlling.
Its just what else is he spending money on and using our 10k to pay off HIS credit card bill???
Thank you for the shoulder shake to bring me back to my senses ----- I can do nothing until he can see her warts... I almost want to print that out for t-shirt!!!!
You are right - there is no mending this. He is deep in A.
He is sharing our special places with her.
He is trying to recreate the best part of us with her????
No what I am telling you is that you are still focused on him. And this post proves it.
Yes and so does the post after this.
BUT - Steve85 I do feel I have made some progress...
I made the choice to NOT be controlling and NOT immediately text him about his spending at this special store. The old me would have been all over it with him... it would not have been pretty.
I realized that I have been controlling in our relationship.
I'm not there yet but I am giving myself kudos for letting this go... even if I have to use a lame excuse and laugh at his behavior. Its getting me through to the next day.
Thank you to everyone who has been holding my hand while I walk this ledge!!!
You are making progress, we are just trying to get you further down the path. (((((HUGS))))))
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yes, they will take them to the places that were special for us. Why? Because they are familiar and they feel comfortable going to those places. Nothing you can do about it!!!!
I tried to go to all new places with my rebound--so they'd be unique to her--but occasionally they didn't pan out and tried and true places make for comfortable fallbacks. In contrast, my ex said she visited places we'd been before because they brought up positive feelings of good times together in the past. Now that we're reconciling, I'm glad we "polluted" very few places special to us so they remain special to us.
Good job recovering and not texting him again. Keep that focus on you.
I have been able to cool down from my emotion of control. Still nursing a little hurt but that will get better with more time.
Thought I was done hearing from H today.
H: Is there a reason you have not separated out the insurance company yet
Ok - now some back story. I told H 3 weeks ago that insurance company would not let me separate out account while he we all still had same address.
I have suggested more than once that he put in a change of address to his parents house. He refused. Again earlier this week when he needed his license I suggested I could mail to his parents and put a change of address to his parents house. He went off on me about how that is mail fraud, blah blah blah.
So I'm just rolling my eyes... round and round. I know getting snarky is NOT the way to go so I'm taking my time to compose a business like response. One that hopefully does not require him to respond back.
Big deep breath....
Me: Insurance company will not separate accounts while we have the same address.
Business like and too the point. Not too wordy I hope???
Oh - can I add "why is this my job??? Is he NOT an adult completely capable of doing this too?" <<<< Did not do this part but its what I'm saying out loud.
Ok, I have just reread this entire Pt 8 Thread. This is getting my head together.
Honestly I had a really super good night last night.
I waited an hour and texted H: X company will not separate accounts while we have same address.
I thought it was business like and did not require a response but immediately H texted: OK. Oddly enough my driving auto text was on??? So it immediately texted H: AUTO TEXT: I'm driving right now - I'll get back to you soon. Weird as I never use that but then H immediately texted back again: OK.
I relaxed the rest of the night and even smiled. I exercised. I worked more on my Controlling Behaviors Self Work Sheet. I've started the next chapter on increasing my physical, intellectual, emotional and spirital attraction and will be work in on some 30 day goals by tomorrow.
I'm down 18lb as of today!!! GO ME!
I woke up to a text from H at 7am: You have not replied about me getting stuff
I know I am going to have to deal with this. I get it that he is not working and he has TONS of free time to hang out with OW but for a man who works 40-70hr a week he has to be getting a little stir crazy.
Now I have been working - A LOT. I will have a much deserved 4 day weekend ahead because Saturday is MY BIRTHDAY. He knows Saturday is my birthday. Can he really be so lame to expect me to spend it moving his stuff out? Of course he does because he is a very selfish man at this point.
I'm trying to come up with a business like response that will agree that we do need to get his stuff moved out but this weekend is off limits.
